DW Community Catch-up Thread
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It really depends. 3 or 4 dates feels right to me, but it varies. I do think if someone is getting into a lot of detail about exes and past relationships on a first or second date, that’s usually a bad sign. Why?
@MissDre thank you so much for advice! I know that he definitely texts regularly most people and I can’t tell if he’s making some attempt to “play it cool” or he doesn’t give two cents about me.
It’s just that when I have observed any of my male friends, when they’ve been interested in a girl they seem to enjoy “chasing” her and texting/messaging is the most fun part for them – that’s when they genuinely are interested in the girl, even if they’ve met her once in their lives. And that’s people my age (mid twenties). hm I guess I’ll follow my instinct which so far says No! But giving my track record on dates in the past couple of years, I can’t say I fully trust my intuition!Regarding your question: somehow in my case these past relationship talks have always happened very naturally, even with male friends or guys I haven’t been dating (yet). I’m talking about past relationships though, not number of sexual encounters, I think for many people this is quite different. Personally I don’t think I would bring it up on a first date, if the guy doesn’t mention himself. I would wait to the point you start sharing some more personal information about yourselves, when you think he would feel comfortable talking about this. Because if he hasn’t brought it up naturally, he probably isn’t that happy to talk about it very soon (or doesn’t think it’s important).
PS I am horrified giving advice on this thread, my dating expertise hasn’t proven amazing lately so I’m afraid I’ll give someone some stupid advice!
I also tend not to volunteer stuff but kind of wait until asked. On about our fourth date my now husband asked something about me having been previously married, because my Match profile said “divorced.” I just kept it casual, like, yup, got married really young, high school boyfriend, we grew apart, been divorced several years now… no need to get into the fucked up details right then, you know?
@Eve yeah, don’t bother giving him you’re time. You seem like you’re hoping for this to turn into something more than just dinner and he’s already making you question his level of interest, and question whether he’s just trying to “play it cool”. You’re making excuses for him and for yourself. I really wouldn’t bother with him.
@Kate I met someone that I think is divorced? But I don’t know for sure because we didn’t discuss previous relationships. I don’t normally get into that kind of thing early on.
I had a good time with him and was interested in seeing him again. But I don’t want to waste my time going on a second date if he’s still married or in the middle of a separation or something like that.
This is new ground for me. I’ve never met anyone who has been married before. I’ve never even met anyone who has lived with a significant other. Although, now that I’m in my 30’s I assume this kind of thing will become more common.
Oh…. what makes you think he might still be married? I agree you don’t want to waste your time with that.
I was really interested in his profession and his phd studies, which we discussed on the date. I wanted to learn more about it, so I looked up his thesis afterward. His thesis was dedicated to his wife. It was published 4 years ago so, could be they’re no longer together. But I have no idea.
His dating profile just said Relationship Status: Single ; Longest Relationship: Over 3 years
My bad I guess for looking up his thesis but shit… I wasn’t expecting that I just wanted to know more about his job.
Hmm, I’m curious, did he have the option to choose “divorced,” but chose “single?” In my opinion that’s misleading. Because you know he has/had a wife. I guess you have a couple choices – one, since you started doing some digging, keep going with it and see if you can figure out if he’s married. Or, on the next date, casually ask him about past relationships and see if he proactively cops to a marriage. If not, I think game over.
Yeah, right there I would wonder. Because as a divorced person, I would never choose “single.” It could be he’s separated, but…
If you’re interested in seeing him again, I’d say ask him an open ended question on your next date.
Ok thanks! I was interested in meeting again, but definitely not swept off my feet or anything. After Pilot Jones, I feel like I need to be vigilant.
