DW Community Catch-up Thread
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@missdre yep I am making excuses I realise this.. I’m not as good with casual dating as I would like to be and there are way too many reasons not to go out with him.
@missdre
He could have opted not to say “divorced” because he might think it would hurt his chances of getting dates.. not realising misleading info on your profile is a lot worse.
Either way in this case I would definitely bring up past relationships next time you go out – go either all or nothing.Just don’t fall for the “things are going very badly in my marriage and we’re in the process of getting a divorce but haven’t yet” .. although I’m sure you know better than that 🙂
Yeah, it’s not like you should just stop trusting everyone, but there are a lot of guys who jump right onto dating sites before they’re remotely distanced from their marriage – or worse, as you can see from reading the letters on this site, go on dating sites while they’re in a relationship. And Tinder makes that easier because you can be a Tinder Tourist in another town. So you just have to be aware and be smart.
Hell no, unless the divorce is 100% finalized I’m not touching that with a 10 foot pole. Anyway, we haven’t even discussed a second date. So, we’ll see if he even asks me out again.
I mean, I met a guy and started dating him when I’d been separated 8 months. I was totally done with the marriage but procrastinating on the paperwork. He told me after a while that he was uncomfortable dating someone who was still married and would I please get the divorce. So I did, and it was quick and easy. In general I do think it’s best not to date separated people, you’re right, but you just never know. Even if they are divorced, they could still be entangled with their ex.
I disagree that choosing ‘single’ over ‘divorced’ is misleading. If you’re divorced, than you are single. It seems silly to me that there would even be different options for them.
I mean I don’t totally disagree, but a lot of people do want to know if you’re divorced vs never married and do see a distinction there.
One of my exes had “single” instead of “divorced” on his Match profile. He was upfront about it on the first date, but it turned out he was in the middle of a divorce. I told him I wasn’t interested in going out again, but then changed my mind after a couple of weeks because I liked him. But, it turned out to be an issue that he was in the middle of a divorce – at one point he told me he thought he was still in love with his ex, then a few days later was like “Nah, I’m not.” And he had chosen “single” because he thought it looked better than “divorced”.
@MissDre Just out of curiosity… why? Do you also want people to list all other long term relationships that ended, or just the ones they signed paperwork about? I’m really not trying to be snarky, I am just thinking about the end of my marriage vs the end of the other really long term relationship I had, and the divorce was, if anything, cleaner.
It’s your prerogative, obviously. I just am curious what you see the difference as being.Marriage is a big deal to some people. Suddenly finding out the person you’re really getting into used to have a wife could be jarring. As much as, to you and me, it felt like any other breakup, to many people it means a lot more. Do I think at 30+ it makes sense to avoid divorced guys completely? No, but I think the “divorced” option is there for a reason and if you don’t pick it, you’re choosing not to reveal you were married. Which, why would you if it’s not a big deal?
