DW Community Catch-up Thread
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@barleystonks – Part of me believes that you are overthinking this, and the other part of me knows that clarifying conversations are good for everyone involved. So here is how I would open the conversation:
“Hey, you know I really care about you a lot and I’m so grateful to have you in my life. I know that long term we aren’t necessarily heading for a life partnership, and I know we want different things, but I hope you know that I’m happy to stay in your life and have you in mine in whatever capacity the circumstances call for.”
Myself and an ex dated a second time for awhile while I was married, and then he started dating people, and it was this odd rollercoaster of “Okay, I might be dumping you soon. Nope, nevermind.” on repeat. A clarifying conversation (and a much more fluid ‘we’re platonic, but sometimes we hook up if he’s single’ kind of relationship) resolved a lot of the angst that was occurring.
Ah, thanks, that sounds a lot better than what I had and your last sentence sounds exactly like the kind of relationship we have.
I have two theories about 30something guys:
#1: I personally have been putting incredible effort into my skin and hair since I was in my mid-20s at least: wash my face every night, moisturize, exfoliate, wear sunscreen, use eye cream, etc. I get my hair brightened up (thankfully it’s not graying but I’m seeing a few white strands every few weeks) every 2-3 months along with a deep moisture treatment and a cut. I’ll up ALL of that as I see need to as I get older. Point of all of that is: I don’t think guys do all that stuff. They certainly don’t spend the money, time, and consideration on moisturizing and skincare that I, and I know many of us on here, do. I think by the time they hit their late 30s, that’s starting to show.
#2: Guys are lying about their ages because there’s NO WAY some of these guys are still in their 30s. These dudes are straight up middle aged.
If they look 40-50, they are. Men generally age pretty well, I think. Unless they have some seriously unhealthy lifestyles.
Eh. My last serious boyfriend was in his early 30s when we dated, and just about everyone assumed he was in his 40s. I suppose by the time I met him his hair had started to betray him, but when I saw pictures of him from college, he looked older than his age then, too. He was, in my opinion, a very handsome guy. Some people don’t have baby faces, I guess?
Side note: Now that I’m 30, everyone (EVERYONE!) mistakes me for 26 if they don’t know how old I am, and I am SO FLATTERED. And I tell everyone it’s the sunscreen 🙂
@Copa Sunscreen FTW! Lot’s of people don’t believe I’m 32 when they first see me. My new therapist said she didn’t think I was over 25 and my college aged co workers at my retail job thought I was their age. They’re sweet lol. The ginger genes combined with SPF 100 and drinking 3 gallons of water a day work wonders for the skin.
@anonymousse the guy that messaged me and said he was 36 looked old enough to be my dad – so I’m clearly calling liar on that one or he had one seriously unhealthy lifestyle. Of course, I get messages from men old enough to be my dad sometimes, but at least they’re honest about their ages!Last night I was on the phone with new dude for half the night (I don’t have a nick name for him yet, oddly enough I always just call him by his name when I talk about him to my friends). Aaaaaand he ended up telling me how much he likes me. So I told him that I really like him too.
He also has a better idea now of where he’ll have to move for work (and when) and we started to talk about it but, I think we’re both sort of afraid of getting ahead of ourselves. Anyway, we’re spending the weekend together so I’ll see if it comes up again?
Bonus — even though he’s late 30’s, he seriously looks 10 years younger!
My favourite part of my America trip was when 35 year old me got carded at a bar and my 31 year old husband was waved past. It’s all in the skin care.
Meeting guys: group fitness attached to a gym, meetup, sports bars, recreational sports, bar trivia, paintball if you’re into that sort of thing….
The ginger genes must be a real thing! Anecdotal: I just turned 34 a week ago; my job involves me training new people every 2 weeks and then retraining people as they get promoted, and I cleverly don’t mention how old I am to anyone. Literally every single new person I’ve met this year has thought I was 27. It’s interesting they all pick that number, but hey, I’ll go with it!
I disabled my OKCupid account tonight and Coffee Meets Bagel has been a big dull dud for months now. I’ve been seeing a lot of the guy I met on eHarmony – we’re going to see Patton Oswalt this weekend! – and I kind of just want to take a break from the merry go round of apps and online dating right now. Between him and a couple of my other guy friends, I’m getting lots of time with guys and I just don’t want to have to worry or think about it for awhile.
Admittedly I’d love to see where things go with the guy from eHarmony – he’s really sweet and I even went to his house & spent Thanksgiving with him and his parents – but I am absolutely determined to let him make the first move. He’s been married before so I know he knows how to do it. 😛 We get along really well and have a lot of fun together. My plan is to just keep spending time with him and see what happens…and take a break from the rest of it for now, at least until after the craziness of the holidays.
I think I lucked out with my FWB because he’s 41 but doesn’t look his age at all. He takes amazing care of himself though. Where on the other hand my ex from my college years already looks middle aged at the age of 28. All the more reason I prefer guys in their 30s – you have an idea of how they’re going to age.
My FWB has come over every day to check on me and my cat, which is really sweet. I’ve been working from home so I haven’t seen my coworker. I told him my cat was sick, and he didn’t really say anything. I’m probably working from home until he either gets better or passes. He’s 16, so I know we are on borrowed time.
On top of my cat being sick, my brother informed me he will not come to christmas at my place this year and is no longer speaking to my parents. Essentially becasue my dad refused to buy him drugs.
Who else is ready for 2016 to be over?
I meant if they say they are 36 on their profile and look closer to fifty, they probably are. My husband is in his mid forties and easily looks ten years younger.
@kare I’m so sorry about your cat and your brother. I hope your kitty gets better or has a peaceful last few days/weeks/months. Also I’m glad your dad is sticking to his guns with your brother.
I cosign the end of 2016. This year has included my dad’s heart attack and a major surgery, mom being hospitalized in the psychiatric ward and then being taken off all her narcotic pain meds (which means she’s detoxing basically after years of abusing them – but hey at least she’s finally admitting it and getting help, right?), and me losing my job and being unemployed for 5 weeks (which in the grand scheme of time is no time at all, but damn that was a stressful five weeks).
Really, 2017 can show up at any time. Don’t even need Christmas as far as I’m concerned!
