DW Community Catch-up Thread
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@LadyE, don’t assume that someone knows how to make the first move just because they’ve been married before. I made pretty much all of the first moves with my ex husband, and I doubt he’d be any more adept at being the pursuer now than he was then.
I was really happy because I went to brunch a few weeks ago and the waitress asked skeptically to see my ID when I ordered a drink. She looked at it and said “Oh my god, what is your secret!” when she saw my age (I’ll be 30 in January). I think part of it is probably that as people get older, everyone kinda looks like a baby, but it still felt good.
The only good part of this year is J and I getting a lot better at communicating with each other, and deciding to move toward something more serious. Other than that, 2016 has been kind of a shitshow for pretty much everyone I know, and the country and world at large. But it’s always darkest before the dawn, yeah? And people only take action when things get bad enough that there’s no comfortable place to retreat to. So bring on 2017! Let’s make the world a better place 🙂
@Kate Maybe, but maybe not. I haven’t posted much on here lately and I haven’t detailed every interaction we’ve had, particularly in the last few months. I don’t really have the time or inclination to detail all of it, but suffice it to say I don’t think it’s out of the realm of possibility. It may or may not go anywhere, but all I’m saying is I’m taking a break from searching for someone else right now because it’s exhausting and I’m enjoying the time we’re spending together no matter where it goes.
Not really interested in getting into a debate. There have been some physical things, but I don’t feel like I need to justify my feelings or hopes. I’ve already been upfront and said it may or may not happen. I would love it if it did, but I’m prepared for it not to as well. Just tired of being on the online and app merry-go-round right now where nothing meaningful really happens.
Ok, sorry I have to jump in on the whole age thing. As a 40-year-old woman, married to a 46-year-old guy, I’m actually kind of offended by these “thank god he doesn’t middle-aged… EW” remarks, as if looking 40 is the worst thing.
Let me set you all straight: My husband is fucking AWESOME and the whole lot of you would be damn lucky to have a guy as sweet, attentive, emotionally and physically available, funny, who is a true feminist, paying attention to you. Sure, maybe 46 is too old for some of you in terms of life stages. But that’s not what you’re talking about. You’re talking about looks, and how, thank god, some of these old men who are showing interest in you don’t actually look their ages. You’re talking about looks, and I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: looks really don’t mean that much. Some of you have been single and looking for ages. You complain about all these head cases you’ve gone out with (or just texted with before realizing they were head cases). You want stable, awesome guys who might actually be interested in monogamy and commitment (or at least commitment)? Get over the need to have the hottest hunk around. You’d be surprised, when you give yourself permission to be seen with someone who doesn’t turn everyone’s heads, how amazingly happy you can be…
100%. Look, we all think we look younger than we are. We all get “OMG I had no idea you were [your actual age]!!!” It doesn’t matter, and neither does a guy looking younger than he is. Trust me, babies, age catches up with everyone eventually. And everything Wendy said about what matters in a husband.
Yeah, when I was 32, everyone always told me I looked 25. Hell, I still get carded sometimes and I’m fucking 40 years old. And I think, most of the time, I look it. No one is surprised anymore when I tell them my age. Having babies, losing a shit ton of sleep, worrying about your kids, worrying about your aging parents and in-laws, dealing with health issues — all this stuff that often starts happening in your mid-30s — seriously takes a toll on your looks. Men and women. I look at pictures of myself from five years ago and think I’ve aged 10. Drew, too. But, the experiences we’ve had over these last few years have made us stronger, more compassionate people.
Aging really isn’t that awful. If I were in my 30s and single, I’d take a kind, compassionate, has-hit-shit-together man in his mid-40s who looked it over some dorky 33-year-old still trying to figure out what he wants to be when he grows up ANY damn day.
Wendy, for the record I don’t think there’s anything wrong with looking 40, or looking 46. I won’t speak for the others but for me personally, I’m referring to the guys online who seriously look like they’ve let themselves go. As in, unhealthy and don’t take care of themselves.
As women, there’s a lot of pressure on us to look great, especially in our dating profiles. Advice out there ranges from “take professional photos” to “get your nails done, get a fresh cut/colour/style, etc”. We go to the gym, keep up with the modern styles, wear sunscreen to take care of our skin, keep ourselves groomed. We do this not just because of societal pressures but also for us, because it feels good.
A lot of guys online… don’t do those things and don’t even take basic care of themselves. It’s not about how old he actually is or *omg he actually looks his age eeewww*. At least, that’s not what it’s about for me. Dude doesn’t have to be the hottest hunk who turns heads I don’t think it’s too much to ask to want a man who looks after himself.
Apologies if my wording offended you but guess what, you don’t know what I find attractive and I’m offended by your general assumption that I’m shallow and would take the best looking man over one who treats me right and shares my values.
Ok, well, the comments that I read focused on age — like, literal ages — and not on how some guys don’t look like they take basic care of themselves. And, honestly, if we were a group of men talking about women in their late 30s/ early 40s and how it’s a good thing when they don’t actually look her age, lol, it would sound sexist as fuck. If I heard men discussing women the way I’ve heard some commenters here discuss men, it would really upset me and I’d speak up.
I haven’t read all of the thread. At 24 – 45 is probably less than desirable. It was for me at 24. Nothing wrong with being attracted to your own age range. And nothing wrong with prioritizing different things depending on your stage of life. That said, when it comes time for my daughter to date, I’m going to stress the importance of empathy in a partner, of being with a feminist, of finding someone who is grateful in life and happy because of it – and yes… ambition and intellect. But even if you had all that and didn’t have attraction then all you have is a friend. You need attraction. You just have to figure out what makes someone attractive to you. We all know people objectively physically appealing that are just ugly and unattractive as all get out…so there is a definitely a subjective element you do have control over. The best you can do is to give someone a shot if it is in the realm of possible. That doesn’t mean settle. No one should settle. It isn’t fair to you and it isn’t fair to the guy.
And if there are people that just want the hottest guy in the room – then have at it. I’m sure we all have stories from that kind of guy that will make us giggle at 80. But don’t buy a Ferrari and be upset there is no room for a car seat in the back.The guy… the fiance… is two years younger than me, but when we first started talking, I thought he was easily quite a bit older than me. And he has some skin issues that I still haven’t asked him about because I don’t really care because I love him. He has all the wonderful qualities Wendy mentioned.
If it’s really “not taking care” of themselves, than that probably would have been a lot better to mention than they look older. You can look like shit at 25 because you don’t take care of yourself. I would not equate not taking care of oneself with automatically lying about your age.
Also… I started reading again a few pages back. Maybe at 308 or something. Ver – Have fun at your parties! I love getting dressed up.
