DW Community Catch-up Thread
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MissDre, I would part ways now. He knows he’s going to, what, the U.K.? You’re not looking for that kind of an LDR at all, are you? And you’re not up for moving wherever they send him, which it sounds like changes pretty often. It sounds like your lifestyles aren’t compatible, which sucks but is a deal breaker. I know, Wendy and Drew, but they were in the same country, a couple hours flight, and one or both of them was able to move to be with the other. Without that critical component, ability to move, I don’t see how it could work.
I gotta say, I’m with Kate on the international LDR. I’ve been in LDRs, some that worked out and some that didn’t, domestic and international. International is tough – the time difference, him probably wanting to get to know this new place (and therefore spend more time not on the phone/Skype with you).
Even if it worked out, being the spouse of an academic is tough, it’s like having a spouse in the military or foreign service. Unless you have tenure, you constantly have to make big moves, or be long distance for long periods of time, so the jobs the spouse usually ends up getting are at the university in some capacity.
@Kate I’m sure you’re right. I’ve said so many times that I would never move, not for work, not for anyone. And I’m probably just being stupid and emotional, but each time he teasingly asked when I’d be moving there I thought… I have 10 days off in March, I could go visit. And if I liked it there… I’d be open to talking about moving down the road if things continued to go well between us. This is why my brain is spinning. I’ve never ever been open to the idea of moving before and now all of a sudden I’m thinking that I’d at least discuss it with him if things got serious.
I asked if he’s ever thought about where he wants to settle, and he said this will probably be it for him. That he’s 38 and ready to slow down. I didn’t know what to say back so I just nodded. He’s made a lot of comments about me going there, and I don’t know what to say back because I’m not sure if he’s just joking.
I don’t think he’s “joking.” Why would he be? He’s just expressing kind of a hope that maybe this could be something. Or, at worst, he is only trying to keep you “sweet” while he’s still there. I’m just pretty sure you do NOT want to spend the next couple months getting all into this and then deal with an intercontinental LDR.
And you know, call me a cynic, but I kind of don’t trust a guy who seems to be trying to start something serious when he knows he’s only there temporarily. Like, why go through the charade of seriously dating? And suggesting YOU come visit? I’m trying to think of the word for that. Presumptuous? Disingenuous?
I feel like a good, sincere man wouldn’t be trying to date right now, and/or would be totally honest and up front from date #1 that he’s only in town for a little while and just looking to have fun.
Maybe I’m totally wrong…
@MissDre, to me it sounds like just bad timing and unfortunate circumstance. He sounds like he’s sad because he really does like you but he can’t control that he’ll be leaving the country in a couple months. That must be a really frustrating way to live, particularly if you want a serious relationship and to settle down.
I have no advice; just sorry the timing is sucky for the two of you.
@kare, the Southern Hospitality was real! No one ever brings food in for a meeting anymore, but they had a whole fajita lunch with all the extras, plus pitchers of water and iced tea, all in that heavy pewter, and with signs saying what everything was. For a one hour meeting! That ended up being 40 mins because they were totally late.
And the taxi stand guy at the airport gave everyone a full size bottle of water and a tourist map. Then at the hotel, a family from El Salvador was checking in and taking forever, holding up the line, and the dad wanted to use his Marriott rewards number and they couldn’t find it and were trying to use his El Salvador phone number, etc. At no point was the lady like, ok, can you step aside or just call Marriott Rewards, she kept patiently helping him. Huge difference from the Northeast! Oh and the women in our business meeting were openly calling Trump a dictator and such, and didn’t give a shit! I couldn’t believe it.
