DW Community Catch-up Thread
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I have a bit of a situation with someone I am trying to go on a first date with. We were scheduled to meet last week at a bar for drinks, but he ended up cancelling last minute (like I got to the bar, texted him I had arrived and he proceeded to tell me he hasn’t left yet). Ends up he was at his folks for dinner with his sister, and his parents started an intervention with her. So only when I texted him at 7:30PM that he told me he wasn’t going to make it. At the time I was understanding as it’s family shit happens. So we eventually got in touch again and re-scheduled for today to meet at 8PM in the city. I texted him in the morning to confirm plans. He doesn’t get back to me till 4:30 to tell me it’s been a crazy day and that his boss last minute invited him and his coworkers for drinks, and he isn’t sure about tonight unless we wanted to meet really late (he suggested 10/11PM). I said no that’s too late (I have to drive 40 min into the city, and for a first “date” the time is totally unreasonable). Anyways I asked him is there any way to compromise as we have already rescheduled and I can’t imagine your boss is expecting you to drop already made plans to spend the rest of the night out with him. The kicker is that this is a new job (1 week so far) and I am slightly skewed on whether this is appropriate for him to cancel plans (again) to do drinks/dinner with the new boss? He just texted me to confirm that he is cancelling on me as he doesn’t want to ditch his boss on the first week. What do I do?! I am really leaning towards ditching this guy cause I think it is perfectly reasonable to say to your boss that you have plans for the night and that you can hang for a couple hours but then have to leave. Any advice?
Yes, you should have stopped responding after the first time. That was extremely rude. I get you were trying to be understanding, but this guy is over. Delete.
Not that it matters much, but after the first time he stood you up, did he get in touch very quickly after that, apologize, and propose a new date and time? That may have been acceptable to give him the benefit of the doubt. But no, not really. He had his phone and could have texted you about a “family emergency” before you got to the bar.
So the first night he cancelled I told him best of luck with the fanily stuff and to let me know when he wanted to reschedule (as he asked to reschedule). That was on the Wednesday. When I didn’t hear from him on Friday I asked if he still wanted to reschedule. Sooo ya he didn’t try right away. He apologized at the time when we were supposed to meet, but not again and didn’t initiate the rescheduling. So ya I was really patient and too lenient with him.
@Cleo Yeah, that is a lot of work for a first date. The first time, since it was such a big family thing, I might’ve given a pass, but after this second time…nope.
Mmm well glad I was leaning towards ditching him after this. I was really disappointed he did it again.
Yes! Ditch him! Things do happen sometimes, but I have no doubt he could’ve texted you the first night you were supposed to meet before you got to the bar. And he should’ve. Just like Kate said: His behavior was very rude. I’ve both canceled dates (rarely) and been canceled on because yeah, shit does happen — but when I cancel I make a serious effort to reschedule. And when I’ve been canceled on, I expect that effort.
In other news, I have a second date on Thursday with the same man I met last weekend. Very excited! 🙂
Ya I have no intention of trying to reschedule again. After he confirmed last night he was cancelling on me I didn’t even respond. Just leaving it. So ya not worrying about him. I have had such crummy luck lately with guys. But to be expected when I try dating using only Bumble haha I think it is time to bring out the bigger guns again aka online dating sites.
FWIW, I actually prefer the apps to the more traditional dating sites. There are duds on all sites, obviously, but Tinder is actually my favorite (and I mean for dating, not hooking up).
@Cleopatra dating sites suck just as much as Bumble and Tinder. FWIW I’ve met two guys in the last year that I felt a strong connection with and wanted to continue dating, both were on Tinder. Not that that makes Tinder/Bumble great… both are exhausting in terms of all the lame ass conversations that go nowhere.
