My question to those guys who are leaving would be, why did they even start to date when they knew they were not going to stay around for long ? What were their intentions ? Were they looking for a quick hookup ?

Personally I would have thought that was a wasted effort.

@Copa I’m sorry you’re being ghosted 🙁 I dunno why guys do that. I had a guy ghost me once after the last thing he said to me was “I really really like you.” So, I was baffled. It really sucks, it hurts, and I’m sorry you’re going through that. I hope you get some good news soon to cheer you up!

I would be jealous if he started dating someone else, because I’m still hoping this will be turn into something more once he gets settled (he’s leaving the country on Friday), and he knows that. And I know he likes me too, because we talk about these things. I’ve told him explicitly what I’m looking for and I’ve told him I want that with him. In response, he told me that he’s apprehensive about the distance and that he doesn’t want to rush into anything. He asked me if I would be ok with keeping things the way they are right now until we’ve had more time to see how things develop between us. I think that’s fair considering the situation, so I agreed to those terms (for now – and I’ve given this a timeline in my head).

That being said, I’m not holding out for him. If I had the opportunity to go on a date with someone else, I would. I still have my dating profile up. We’re not exclusive, and both of us have the right to date other people. So if he met someone else… yeah I would be hurt and it would suck but it’s not something I have a say in, nor does he have a say in who I date.

For now, I think we’re both just enjoying having someone to talk to everyday. We’ll likely talk about where we stand when he visits me next month, and we’ll see what happens when I visit him in Europe in April. And if things don’t work out, at least I get to see Europe with somebody cool and have a free place to stay. I’ve never travelled before, so I’m excited to take a trip!

I mean, my issue with ghosting isn’t that a guy isn’t interested in me. Yeah, that part DOES suck, but it’s the disappearing act that drives me insane. Like, is that supposed to hurt my feelings LESS? In any case, I’ve never had a guy try to schedule a date, then try to re-schedule that date (I was busy), and THEN drop off the face of the planet. Usually in hindsight, I can see that the signs were all there that the guy was ready to bolt. Usually, I’m the one still expressing interest and the guy is wishy-washy about seeing me again, and that wasn’t the case this time. The stubborn part of me is hoping I’ll hear from him tomorrow telling me he was off the grid of the long weekend and is so sorry, but the realistic part of me is already moving on forward and I have a tentative date lined up for Thursday with a friend of a friend.

Also, slightly creepy, but I checked Tinder to see if Dimples unmatched me, because I have in the past learned a guy is no longer interested when he started to fade in a super roundabout way and finally “got it” when I checked Tinder and saw he’d delete me as a match. In any case, we’re still matched, but his location showed as being 20 miles away, which means he hasn’t been in the city in which we both live and work. Which means nothing, really, but because on this site there’s always speculation about whether the guy is secretly married with kids, it made me wonder if he’s secretly married with kids. Ha.

@Dre Is this guy moving back? I can’t recall. Good luck with the LDR-ish stuff.

@Copa, no he’s not planning on moving back. I mean, it’s possible that he might someday since his entire family is here. But the job he accepted is a permanent position. And in his case, he didn’t know that he would be moving until a few weeks after we met.

I second what Wendy said, some people who ghost after saying that kind of things did it very early in the relationship. Maybe at the beginning it was awesome and then it got moving too fast. I’m not justifying people who ghost, it is a horrible thing to do, but saying that one has to be very careful with that kind of displays very early on in the relationship.
Also, I hate when people complain about being ghosted, but the minute said ghoster shows up again is like nothing happened.
A friend of mine had a few dates with a guy who was “great” and “awesome”, I’ve posted about her earlier here. On the second date, they were planning an entire trip together. It all sounded awesome but I kept seeing red flags everywhere. For instance calling an ex of him a “golddigger” because she was a “model” making my friend feel like crap. Also, planning a trip the second time they saw each other, WTH.
After a few dates, a trip planned, dates already lined up, the guy dissapeared from the face of the earth. He totally ghosted her. She was very sad. And then the guy reappears, like a month and a half later, telling her that he has been busy, asking her out again and acting like nothing happened. And my friend goes and buys the whole bullshit again, goes out with him again a couple times, and then, yes, he ghosts her again.
He reappeared a third time only to tell her that he wasn’t ready for a relationship and to just be friends.
So, please don’t do as my friend. I mean, it’s super rude to be ghosted and for a person to reappear as if nothing happened because said person has been “busy” (in 2017, FFS), no. Just don’t. If a person is that rude once, it is not good to keep them in your life.

Yeah, that’s the thing. At the end of our last date, we were talking about what we were both looking for. No declarations of love or anything over-the-top were made, but we both said we were having fun getting to know one another, looking for something serious, and wanted to keep getting to know one another. He invited me over that night, but I had to decline on account of my foster dog. He asked if I had any questions, so I DID ask if he was dating anyone else because it’s something I like knowing if “nighttime fun” is on the table. He said no, and seemed surprised that I would think he was. I told him I usually assume people are seeing others until there’s a conversation about it. He said he dates one person at a time until it he knows it’s not working or won’t work. Ghosting actually did come up in this conversation, and he said he thinks it’s inappropriate because you have to be considerate of others. (And from what I saw of him, he was SUPER thoughtful about other people.) SO, I’m surprised at this — it seems out of character — and he was in touch after our last date to set up our next date, but we had scheduling conflicts. So yeah, it could be ghosting. I also haven’t totally ruled out that he could be away for the long weekend. We exchanged a couple texts in the middle of last week where he said things were “rough” so I don’t even know if something else may have happened…? (I dropped off the face of the earth with a guy for probably 1-2 weeks a little over a year ago. I had appendicitis. Could I have texted him at some point during this time? Yes. I actually had a lot of time on my hands in the hospital. Did I *feel* like it? No. I was in pain, and didn’t care. I did eventually follow up, but just saying, sometimes people DO have legit reasons.) That’s the hard part about ghosting for me. Yeah, it’s disappointing if someone doesn’t want to see you again, but not knowing what’s going on — are you over me? are you in the hospital? was one of your family members just diagnosed with stage four cancer? — drives me nuts.