Has dating always been this hard?? To be honest, I find it a bit comforting that others have been going through the same shit that I’ve been going through. Hard to believe I’ve been single for 2.5 years now, and constantly dealing with this whole ghosting thing. It’s always the same shit, and each time I’ve been ghosted I struggle with feeling like I’m unloveable or undateable or something.

You know what’s a great book, though? https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B00DGZI9O0/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

It’s Not You: 27 (Wrong) Reasons You’re Single

I haven’t been in a serious relationship in about as long, @MissDre. I’ve had a lot of first dates, some second dates, and a handful shorter and more casual relationships (2-6 months) since. Dating was never this hard for me when I was in school and into my mid/late 20s. (I’m 30.) I dated the same guy for a long time in my early/mid 20s, was single for about a year, then met my next serious boyfriend online. He was my first attempt at online dating — first and only person I corresponded with and set up a date with — and it just worked. That was 2012. I’m told online dating has changed a lot since then, but since my experience early on was limited to one guy, can’t compare. I’m also not sure how much my location at the time (suburbs with fewer options) factored in. (My ex did use online dating to cheat on me with his now-wife, so if nothing else, online dating has made it easier for assholes to be assholes.)

In my dating life, I’m typically the one to end things. Most men who have ended things with me, be it after two dates or 12, have at least been forthcoming. The ghosters and faders have thankfully been fewer and farther between than I may make them sound — they’re just so memorable! — but they do exist and bring out the hot mess in me.

It’s frustrating when shit like this happens, but I also do believe I’m a catch and worthy of love, and while I do get frustrated — because OMG just be direct with me, I have shit to do — I also have hope that there is a good man willing to meet me halfway, and who WON’T make me feel like an anxious wreck. And that makes it easier to deal with the bullshit.

Also, my single friends mostly live in other large cities around the U.S. — San Francisco, DC, NYC — and I hear a lot of the same. And for whatever its worth, I know a lot of men feel the same way we do.

Yeah I met my ex online in early 2010 and we broke up in 2014. I feel like things were definitely way different even back in 2010. I didn’t get on the Tinder bandwagon til 2015 I think? And since then it’s been a bunch of first dates, a couple of second dates, one relationship that lasted 8 weeks (PilotJones) and I can’t even count how many times I’ve just been ghosted.

Can you create a dummy Facebook account and use Tinder that way?

I can see how sometimes people who have experienced certain type of bad experience in dating might want to try to screen people out. I just recall a guy I dated who said he wanted to be with someone who communicates well, and later, I found out he also believed that “all women are bad communicators.” Some people say things and just mean what they say, and some people say them because they stereotype. I think a lot of people know how it comes across, so they rein it in, which is why it might seem cringey if someone chooses to say it.

I do agree that dating seems to have gotten worse. I’ve wondered if it’s a snowball effect. People experience ghosting or other bad habits, and then feel like “everyone is doing it,” so they ghost too. Not that all ghosting is bad, but the kind that really should be a conversation instead.

That guy who ghosted. We had plans. I tried to confirm. And literally nothing ever again. No text. Nothing. It was crazy.