DW Community Catch-up Thread
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@Kate, I wasn’t planning on it. Besides, if he’s not physically attracted to me, how could we date? Those two things don’t go together. I wrote that story because it’s been interesting to see how someone’s tune can change. Now, though, he’s twice divorced with a child to an abusive ex, and I don’t want any part of that mess.
And he didn’t really do a lot of the things you’ve said – it’s a much longer story and I don’t want to air his dirty laundry here, either. He didn’t use FB to bash his wife. He didn’t choose body proportions over character. Again, it’s a long story that I don’t want to get into, but again, I don’t want to be part of that mess now and I have no intention of dating him.
All right, I know you don’t want to get into it, but if you’re talking about emotional abuse on Facebook to the point that old friends are calling you to find out what’s going on, that is airing the dirty laundry of your marriage. That’s what a confidential relationship with a therapist is for.
And of course that’s what close friends and family are there for too. But people who vague-book about being wronged by a spouse are putting it out there and seeking attention and it’s not a good look.
@Kate – It was in a support group page for people with spouses who have the personality disorder that his soon-to-be-ex-wife does. I saw it because of Facebook’s weird algorithm that shows me what he posts. It’s possible he should’ve been more cognizant of that (I guess the group wasn’t private? He replied to someone else’s post), but I didn’t call him and say “OMG I SAW WHAT YOU POSTED ON FB!!”…I didn’t mention that at all. I asked him to catch up at lunch and he told me in person. He has no idea I even saw what he put on FB because I knew he didn’t mean for it to be seen by me.
Obviously I’m very aware that he’s far from perfect, and I was very hurt when he chose the other woman over me way back when, but he’s certainly regretting that now. He’s basically said as much, but now he has a kid and 2 divorces and ugh. We’re definitely just friends.
I will say that I’ve been impressed that he’s actively taken steps to go to therapy to figure out why he’s made the choices he has, as well as the fact that he leads a support group for victims of the abuse he’s suffered. He’s shown a lot of humility and regret. And hey, there’s a reason we got along so well in the first place and we enjoy each other’s company, which is nice. 🙂
I’m reading through the last few pages and wooooow.
1. I’ve only been ghosted once, and I was pretty ambivilant about it. Like if he’s that much of a coward, ok, I wouldn’t have liked him in the long run anyway. But it baffles me that this is still a thing. How is it still a thing?
2. I’d actually meet those ridiculous height/weight requirements but then I’d expect him to meet my height and salary requirements. Wait, what’s that? The sound of men saying “women are bitches” and “women only like assholes?” Also, I spin 4 times a week and have no calves. I can’t gain muscle to save my life. And I wore makeup while on the Inca Trail (had to put in on at 3:30 AM in the dark with a flashlight). So eff people with ridiculous ideas of what people are like based on arbitrary markers.
3. Dating is hard. I just tell myself and others: it only has to work out once (unless you’re poly which, it could happen a few times!). Met current dude on Tinder and in 3 months it’s by far the best relationship I’ve ever been in. It could still go up in flames since it’s still early, but shit. It gives me hope that there are good ones still out there, even for those of us in our 30s.
4. I’m flying to FL to meet the bf’s parents tomorrow and am super nervous. I’m pretty down because I recently got a very bad facial scar (people stare) and gained some weight so not really on my game :(. But pretty sure his parents care more that I’m a good person, smart, etc. Still it’s been years since I did a meet-the-parents, and it’s extra scary as we’ll be staying with them for 4 days. Wish me luck!
@ktthat – Good luck meeting the parents! I can’t imagine meeting the parents the first time and staying with them for 4 days…Yikes! But I’m sure you’ll do great!
I barely remember the first meeting of my husbands parents. Maybe I was so nervous I blocked it out? IDK. But, his dad was a teacher at the junior high I went to so I knew who he was (I didn’t have him as a teacher). Plus his brother is my age and we graduated from the same school, so I knew who his brother was already too. Weird.
I’m 41 and have been married for 18 years so I have no idea about the dating scene these days. I read all of your posts and I am really thankful I’m married and our relationship is good!
@kmtthat funny! The first time I met my boyfriend’s parents was flying to Florida and staying with them for four days!
@kmtthat I also had a similar meet the parents thing! It ended up being a fun trip though. Hope yours is good too 🙂
So a few days ago, Dimples successfully “tried to” contact me before he heads back to Asia for work. Based on our brief exchange I actually no longer think he’s trying to ghost me or fade out, but don’t think things will work out for us.
In other news one of my coworkers’ wives had a baby yesterday and he and I work very closely on a few large client projects and I’m dreading the next couple weeks because I’m now alone with all the work. We were supposed to meet today to discuss his upcoming absence but the baby had other plans and came early.
