DW Community Catch-up Thread
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MissDre, this will probably sound crazy but it’s how I explained it to a past boyfriend. (I’m very slow to say the words even if I feel it). It’s so macabre and dark so please don’t take me too seriously, but I wonder how I would feel if something happened to them. Like, if this person were seriously injured or died tomorrow, would I be devastated? Would I be wrecked and inconsolable? Or would it hurt for a bit and then I’d get over it pretty quickly? I KNOW THAT SOUNDS CRAZY. But I’ve only said I love you twice and actually loved two (mayyyybe 3) guys, so I don’t throw that around very easily.
I do remember with the second boyfriend I felt it when we were having dinner with two of my friends and he was so attentive to them and to me and everything just felt so comfortable and it was just an overwhelming feeling of “I gotta tell this guy I love him because I do.” And so as soon as they left, I told him.
So it kinda sounds like you’re getting there, or at least your feelings are getting there.
I think I’m sort of curious as to how things will progress considering that there’s an ocean between us. It’s funny though… I’m not worried about the distance at all. It feels like a non-issue. Although maybe that’s just because I’m naive haha.
@veritek I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I think your method is hilarious. I’m just picturing you going on a few dates with a guy, he asks to be exclusive, and your reply is “no thanks, I don’t see myself being devastated if you die” (obviously I know you wouldn’t do this; I just have a dark sense of humor).
@MissDre I really hope things work out because a) you’re a catch and b) I want to live vicariously through you.
@kare lol. Luckily that boyfriend thought my method was hilarious too, because the other ex told me I was crazy (which might be true but don’t tell me that lol). And I might be thinking exactly that, but I’d totally word it differently to spare their feelings 😉
@MissDre I say as long as things feel good and your eyes are open to the realities, keep doing what you’re doing 🙂@veritek sometimes I wonder how I’d ever know if somebody I’d recently started seeing died. If he just disappeared off the face of the earth I’d probably assume that he ghosted me.
Or, what if you did find out that he died, but your relationship is still new (like in my case, it’s been 4 months). Do you reach out to his family and be like “Umm excuse me, you don’t know who I am but I’ve been dating your loved one for the last 4 months. Can you please let me know when the funeral is?” I feel like it would be hard to process since you wouldn’t really have anyone to share your loss with.
Has everyone here watched How I Met Your Mother? I caught an episode on TV recently, the one where Robin tells Ted she loves him for the first time, and the episode opens with Narrator Ted doing a voice over about the four stages of saying I love you while showing different moments in his and Robin’s relationship, and I thought it was so sweet. According to the show, there’s the moment where you think it. The moment where you think you know it. The moment where you know you know it, but can’t say it. And finally the moment where you know you know it, and can’t keep it in anymore.
In any case, I’m sure it’s different for everyone. I’ve only been in love twice, but have a couple friends who seem to fall in love with literally every guy they date, and I think it’s because we experience the emotion differently. I do think it’s more complicated than just hoping for and imagining a future with someone, though.
I don’t remember how or when I knew I loved my first serious boyfriend, but that relationship began almost a decade ago. I don’t quite remember with the second serious boyfriend, either, but he was someone who I felt those waves of emotion for that seemingly came out of nowhere. I do remember once in particular where he was telling me about his ex-wife, and feeling actual pain that someone had caused HIM pain, even if it was in the past. Like I didn’t want him to be unhappy, ever, even if it had already happened. (There were also similar moments with happy emotions, but that’s the one I remember most vividly.)
I also think what “counts” as love for me has changed over the years. I do know I loved my first serious boyfriend very much, as much as I knew what it meant to love someone at the time, but if I felt now for someone what I felt then, it wouldn’t be love to me now.
That made me think of the Sex & the City episode where Miranda gets stood up, and she was all mad but it turns out the guy died. I think it was only supposed to be their first date though.
I have a first date with a guy from Tinder this evening. It’s also my first day not being fairly disgusting from a cold I caught, so timing is good. Haha. We’ll see how it goes!
