@K does he actually talk to you and try to work things out?

@veritek – I don’t have insomnia, but I do sleep very poorly many nights — so any night where I get 7-8 uninterrupted hours of sleep is amazing. So I hear ya!

So, this may vary from person to person, and I’d be curious to hear what others have to say, but my parents have/had a terrible marriage. They’ve talked about divorced. They’ve ANNOUNCED their divorce. The paperwork is the only proof of their “marriage” at this point. I do not understand people who say they fear marriage because of their parents’ divorce. Despite what I’ve witnessed, been subjected to, and felt about their marriage, I still want my own. I’ve never dated anyone who says they’re fearful of marriage because of their parents’ divorce — so I suppose I don’t know how I’d feel or react — but because of how I feel, if a guy told me that, I think I’d be inclined to think they just don’t want to marry ME.

@K – I think your boyfriend could still go to therapy and find it beneficial.

Like Kate says, I think it’s personal and varies. My BF’s parents divorced when he was 8-9. His father cheated on his mother and, as a result, got the other woman pregnant with twins. His sister was not even a year old when all of that happened. He was a child and suddenly, everyone started telling him that he was the man of the house now and that he had to take care of his mom and sister from now on. After that, his father stayed with the other woman (they’re still together and married) and his mom raised both kids almost by herself. His dad has a relationship with them, loves them very much but never helped them financially. Never bought them anything, not even a pencil to go to school. His mom had it rough. He says that by moving in with me he would feel like abandoning his mom. He has a hard time expressing his feelings. I don’t really think that he is afraid of commitmment with me, because he seems very committed with me and we don’t have issues outside of this. Like @K, I am thinking if walking away is the only solution to this. And getting engaged and married is not important to me. So, I’ve been thinking and thinking.
This week we haven’t talked much because he is out of town. We talked on the phone a little and he says that he will agree to any timeline I propose. But I want him to want it, not to just roll with me. He says he wants to be with me forever and sees himself with me in the long run. We’ll talk this weekend and we’ll see.

@Ale – That’s hard. This isn’t quite the same, but I moved back home for a couple years after grad school and my mom was relying on me for things you’d normally rely on a partner for, from emotional support to money. I felt like the biggest jerk in the world when I moved back out, but had to for my own sanity and because I want my own life. Your boyfriend’s situation sounds way more intense, so I can understand why he’d feel that he’s abandoning her. (Though it’s unclear if he still lives with her?)

Yeah, my parents’ divorce hasn’t scared me off from it. I associate their issues with them, not with marriage as an institution. I know there are legal issues that can be obnoxious to deal with, but breaking up with a long-term partner of like 10 years is not going to feel much better than breaking up with a spouse of 10 years. I think I’m more realistic about marriage, though. Part of why I don’t want to change my name if I get married is that I don’t want to have to change it back if I get divorced, but I certainly hope that if I get married, it lasts. I just know that it doesn’t always, and that’s OK, too.