DW Community Catch-up Thread
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Well I got back today from a 6 day backpacking trip and found out the guy I had gone out with a couple times before I left sent me a text whilst I was out of cell reception telling me he wasn’t interested anymore, as he wasn’t feeling like “this” would result in the relationship he is looking for right now. Whatever that means. I hadn’t received the text, even after I got back to cell reception. So I texted him today when I got back in town, and when he finally told me I felt super awkward and embarrassed. I really liked him, I felt we had a ton in common and was looking forward to seeing him when I got back, and we both expressed interest in seeing one another when I was back in town. FFS. Dating this year has just sucked. It is so much harder too when I am looking for someone who doesn’t want kids. I have a good social life to fall back on, but it is just so damn defeating when after 6 months nothing genuine comes up. I blame the city. Calgary sucks for dating. blek.
@Cleopatra_30 I had a really hard time finding someone who didn’t want kids. He had a hard time finding someone who was willing to take on his (adult-ish) kids A friend set us up. Do you have any friends who know someone? I feel like that was the best way I met someone. I did Tinder, POF, Bumble and all that crap.
I find it interesting that you have a hard time finding guys who don’t want kids. Because I DO want kids and I usually make that quite clear. And pretty much every guy I’ve dated has been unsure. Their attitude on it is usually that they don’t really know if they want kids, maybe someday, maybe if they meet the right person.
I consider myself on the fence about kids, even though I don’t really like ’em and don’t feel the same longing for them that some of my friends seem to feel. I meet a lot of men who DO want kids. I’ve been asked on early-on dates if I want kids, and I’m honest, but it’s always been men who seem to reallyreallyreally want kids. My preference would be to find someone who is also on the fence so that if things work out between us we could have an actual discussion about it.
@cleopatra_30 neither my husband nor I want kids and I met him here in Calgary 2.5 years ago on Eharm. It can happen!
@Copa I’m the same as you. I’m on the fence, and pretty much every guy I’ve gone out with has definitely wanted kids.
Where are you finding all these men who really really want kids? Cuz they sure aren’t around Ottawa. Even my current bf… when I asked him if he wanted kids his reply was “Well… I think I do… but only if I know for sure that I’m going to be with their mom forever.”
My thought was, that’s kinda stupid, isn’t that generally what most people want? Isn’t that the default? To have children in a happy, committed partnership? Who actually thinks “I want to have a baby mama or a baby daddy, or get knocked up but then get divorced!”
@MissDre I don’t think it’s stupid, because it’s sort of along the same lines as how I feel. I don’t like kids in general, but I *do* like the idea of having my own family and part of me still thinks that if I met the right person, I’d want a kid with them specifically. A former friend of mine is a good example of someone on the other side of the spectrum: she seems downright desperate to have kids, and from what I’ve seen will literally date anyone willing to date her even when there are fundamental compatibility and personality issues at play. She got pregnant by an ex maybe 3-4 years ago and had an abortion, but once told me like 1-2 years ago that she wished she’d kept it so that she could have a baby already, AND so that her ex wouldn’t have dumped her. I think you’re underestimating just how desperate some people are to force things to work, because they genuinely want (or at least think they want) what society tells us we should be aiming for.
ETA: Having kids is such a big decision that I actually find it a bit off-putting when I meet someone who talks about kids as if it’s NOT a big decision. Like an ex of mine who wanted us to have three kids by the time we were 30. Granted, we were young when we were dating, but even at like 24 I remember thinking he was a dope that he had this one-track “I WANT KIDS!” mindset without even thinking about what it actually means to bring a human into the work and raise it.
@MissDre I’m not sure your age but SO MANY guys around where I live want kids. They ALL wanted kids. I’m not sure if they were saying what they thought I wanted to hear but I would make it clear I don’t want any. Those were so much harder to find. Or I’d get the “on the fence guy” who I could tell by how he talked he wanted kids. I went on 2 dates with a guy and on the second date he mentioned how his kids would do the chores he didn’t want to. It didn’t last past that.
Maybe you should expand your search to the states. So many child wanting men here.
