DW Community Catch-up Thread
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Hm. I dunno. I personally wouldn’t be able to do what you’re doing. Getting engaged/married to someone before moving would put too much pressure on things for me. I understand why you’d want that kind of commitment before uprooting your life, but it’d freak me out. I think it’s fine to have an early conversation about ideal timelines without being ready to get married. I’m obviously not one of the two people in this relationship, but if I were him, I think I’d want you to slow your roll.
Have a safe flight and lots of fun!
Christmastime seems to be one of those assessing times. Similar thing in my situation too. It was more of a hypothetical discussion of what this is, are we happy, where is this going. HE was definitely more ready than I was, but for moving in and such i had said, if i’m moving in, i want marriage to be planned and/or right around the corner. The discussion came up because i needed to renew my lease and 6 months felt too short.. 1 year was a bit long, so we said.. okay, 9 months. by month 6 (Christmas), I thought about it more and said “okay i’m ready to plan something.” so we sat at a bar in January and planned out how we wanted to get married, what all that looked like, time line etc. Moved in together in May, married in June. Conversations were always with the mindset of this is where we hope it will go, but not always strict? until i was ready. so i get it.
Thanks Kate. I know we don’t really see eye to eye on this, but I do appreciate your support 🙂
Have fun, MissDre!
For what it’s worth, what I would advise someone who isn’t ready to get married but wants to take the temperature of her partner to see if marriage is something he wants in the future, and when he thinks he sees it happening, I would not share a specific timeline. I would say something like, “I see myself being married in the next three years or so, what about you?” And “I’m enjoying how our relationship is developing and I can see moving across the world to be with you, but if and when that happens, I’m going to need a serious commitment first.” For someone who is not ready for marriage yet, I think these kinds of statements are enough and that specific timelines — particularly if you truly aren’t ready to get married — are overkill. If you aren’t ready to get married right now, how can you say you’re going to be ready in 9-12 months or that that’s your goal? You really shouldn’t be thinking of a date, even a vague one, if you aren’t actually ready yet.
I totally understand the talk about marriage without wanting to get married now. I had those with my ex. It’s like where is this going, if I eventually want to get married, will you? Just so I don’t waste any more time on this.
People function in many ways. My sister married her boyfriend without living together before and it has worked very good for them.
I never wanted to get married in my 20’s either, but that was back when I thought I would find someone to marry. Now that I’m approacching my 32nd birthday, I don’t know.
