DW Community Catch-up Thread
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If you’re not feeling it, don’t go. No need to force anything. However, I will say this…
I’m more reserved until I get to know someone. It’s hard in the dating world because first impressions are so important and I’m just not that outgoing. On the other hand, I have good friends who are a lot more vocal and outgoing than I am. They have no problem getting asked out at bars, or on second dates, etc.
People on here have met me. I’m fun. I’m easy to talk to. I’m not too bad on the eyes. It’s just that it takes me a while to feel comfortable. So, I guess I’m of the mindset to give someone a chance. They may be like me and it might take a couple of meetings to feel comfortable.
This is probably why all my relationships have started with people I work with….
However, if you’re more attracted to life of the party types, this probably isn’t your guy. I do think you should give other types a try….
Blerg. That’s the thing. I want to give other kinds of guys a try. I “get” that some people take a little while to open up. (I’m one of them, and I suspect that’s part of the reason I like the more outgoing personalities — it’s different from me, but also brings out the more outgoing side of me.) I guess I just don’t know how to make myself excited for something that I’m genuinely not that excited for…? Like is it just committing to going with an open mind? Or is that mean and misleading? The quieter guys I’ve dated in the past have been lovely, too, but I met them through school/work/friends, so I had time to get to know them without the pressure I sometimes feel online dating creates to decide what you think about someone rather quickly.
There was one guy who was so shy/quiet/awkward that he didn’t ask me a single question. I declined a second date with him without a second thought about it. This guy is nowhere near that level of reserved.
Just go on the date.
That way you can satisfy your own inner critic, the part of you that’s second guessing and saying “Maaaayyyybe I should give him a second chance…”
After the second date, there will be no more need for second guessing yourself. You’ll know for sure whether you are or are not into him. And if you’re not feeling it, you can still say to yourself, “At least I gave him a chance, and now I know.”
And then, don’t go out with him again and move on to the next.
And if after reading my comment you’re still thinking “Yeah but… what if we have nothing to talk about…”
Then fine. Don’t go. If your instinct keeps saying “But!” then just listen to it and don’t go on the date.
I don’t think you have to feel at all excited, but you shouldn’t feel like, “I literally cannot.”
If you’re truly not feeling it, I’d skip out on it. There’s nothing wrong with that!
Edit to what kate and dre said!
And what kind of date is he planning? Maybe some activities will give you something to talk about.
I’m like ktfran. I need to warm up first. I can be really shy at first and then be the life of the party.I would be inclined to go on a second date if I’m lukewarm about it. First impressions are hard. But! That said. If you are DREADING it, don’t do it. If you do go and you start to hate it, have an exit plan early. No harm in a second date. If you were guessing it after 2 and wondering if you should do a 3rd, then I’d say no.
Dreading it – don’t go
Lukewarm – give it a shot
I feel like you know yourself enough on when to cut it off. If it’s a definite no, don’t go. But if it’s indifferent, what’s another few hours. It’s not leading him on, it’s just a second date. But I understand, I’ve been on second dates of wtf I was thinking.
I’m second-guessing myself a lot the past couple weeks. I’m not *dreading* seeing this guy again, but I’m not excited. (The two recent guys, I was excited for date two. With one guy, the excitement wore off slowly as I got to know him more and more and realized I don’t think we’re compatible. Other guy dumped me seemingly out of left field.) I guess I feel like I can’t trust my own judgment right now, because every time I think I’ve found something that’ll last, I turn out to be wrong — and it’s kinda throwing me off. My gut is almost always right, but I can’t even read it right now. I feel weirdly anxious. I tried to schedule a last-minute appointment with my therapist but she’s booked solid this week. Gah. In any case, I’ll likely go out with him again just so I can see what he’s like once we’re more familiar with one another. And if I’m still meh, I’ll call it. @Ale I had the same thought about planning a date that’s more active/less passive.
