DW Community Catch-up Thread
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Totally forgot – someone I knew converted from Christianity to Jewish for their new wife, before they married. I’m curious to see how that all plays out. I’m rooting for them!
I lived in Philadelphia for a while and Quaker (and other self-uniting) weddings were popular among people I knew. Those two were the only ones who were actually Quaker as far as I could tell. I didn’t get into the details with them, but it made me feel hopeful that they could find a religious community that accepted them both.
My grandma converted to Judaism for my grandpa back in the day. They actually eloped and ran away together, but my grandpa’s family tracked them down and said if she converted, they’d accept her. That side has had a few interfaith marriages since, too, so I think my family wasn’t too concerned about the whole thing… I’m surprised it hasn’t been a deal in my husband’s family, since they have quite a few super-Catholic members (including my in-laws). But as far as I can tell, there hasn’t been too much of a fuss. We love our families, but they all know we’re both very independent.
And nicknames – I had a friend where the guys she dated would be given nicknames. Usually it had something to do with how she met them or maybe a group/activity they were part of. Some involved Halloween costumes or theater roles…
I agree if you can’t see yourself calling them the nickname to their face, or asking “would you mind if I called you Masshole Matt,” then you shouldn’t use it in your phone, to friends, or at all… just too much risk that they see / hear it and get mad or hurt.
I personally am Christian but (and I hate that I have to use the word “but” instead of “and”, but I feel like I do) I’m extremely progressive and liberal. In the past few years I’ve found that people who identify as more progressive Christian denominations and/or agnostics/atheists fit better with me and my values. As in, they have to be VERY progressive. VERY. My last boyfriend was an agnostic/atheist socialist and my values meshed with his better than any of the Christians I’ve dated in the last 5 years.
It really does come down to respect and being willing to listen and learn and be invested in what the other person believes. Had our relationship progressed, I would have asked my ex to go to church with me, but then again I now go to an extremely progressive church that I actually found because of him (and where he has attended events before) so I don’t think that would’ve been a problem.
On the other hand, I’ve pretty much decided in the future I’m not going to pursue men who identify as more traditional Christian, like, at all. Not at all. I’ve just had such extremely negative experiences with hyper conservatism (especially in the Trump era) with men who (I thought) were extremely smart and empathetic that I just can’t do it. I would far rather be with an agnostic or atheist.
(Keep in mind: I’m in the Bible belt, so it may not be like this everywhere.)
So, my boyfriend is Hindu, and he goes to Temple sometimes (but not often). He definitely believes in his religion but he’s not really practicing.
I’ve asked him before if it’s important to him to have a Hindu wedding or ceremony and he said he didn’t care.
But at Christmas he was teasing me because I got all distracted looking at rings when we went to the mall. He said teasingly, “Are you ready for a big Hindu wedding?”
And I was like, “I thought you don’t care about having a Hindu wedding?” and he said, “I don’t but my family might.”
So! I’m interested to see how all of this will play out in reality!
A Hindu wedding would be very interesting…I don’t really know much about that religion though. Do you know what it would entail @ MissDre?
My husband was raised baptist and I wasn’t raised in church at all. My mom was also raised baptist, my dad not in church because my grandfather, being raised catholic, didn’t believe anymore. Until he got really sick in which he found god again and started back to the catholic church.
I’d say i’m still on the fence about the whole thing. I did attend church one a month for a long time with my husband (Baptist) but I have to say I don’t like the way most baptist preachers preach. We eventually quit going and let our girls decide on their own about their beliefs. One is agnostic and the other is on the fence like me. I wouldn’t mind finding a non-denominational church to join just to have that community of people – we are still fairly new in the city we live in so it would be nice to just meet new people.
Ooh, MissDre… it’s worth having those discussions now and be on the same page. It’s definitely ok since an engagement and marriage have been discussed.
Wedding planning is stressful. I had a super low key wedding and we were on the same page from the get go and it was still stressful! Start talking about it early so you’re not thrown for a loop in the midst of planning.
@theladyE, I am from around the bible belt originally. And I always felt…like I didn’t belong because I wasn’t sure about the whole thing. If your not christian (and their kind of christian) then I felt like people automatically didn’t really like you anymore. Not that I ever actually discussed this with people…except it is quite common for people to ask what church you go to over conversation. The older I got, the better I adjusted and didn’t feel so outcast (because I just didn’t care anymore). But, that bible belt…sure is special in it’s own way.
I personally don’t care what church or religion you practice and I don’t judge you for what your choice is, but I sure felt judged for a long time by the “christians”.
I went to a Hindu wedding this past fall and it was awesome. But, definitely very big and over the top. The ceremony was long but beautiful, and they had printed out a description of what was going on at each stage, since it was all in Hindi. I loved all the color present in everyone’s outfits and the decor, also.
As far as nicknames, I used to have nicknames for guys I had crushes on in high school, because I went to a small school and you could possible pass a crush in the hall while you were talking about him to a friend. I remember they were silly, like a guy named Max was “3-letter” and a guy named Paul was “4-letter” because of the number of letters in their names. College and beyond, I haven’t had the need to use nicknames, but agree that it’s better to not use something that they might find offensive, in case they find out.
The only guys I ever nicknamed were my one night stands (there were only 4) because I was never gonna see them again. I agree with others in that there’s got to be the openness that you would share with the dude.
@Rangerchic I’m not really sure what it would entail. I assume some sort of religious ceremony. But we’ll figure all that out later, like once there’s an actual impending wedding to plan.
I really couldn’t care less though, the only thing that’s absolutely important to me is that it’s not a big event with lots of people. I just want something small. Other than that… if I have to take 7 steps around a circle while wearing a saree, sure why not!
In my youth I nicknamed a couple people within my friends. The best one “baby snatcher” He didn’t really steal a baby, it was just an observation over time of interactions with his child. Baby Snatchers wife hated me and I stopped talking to both of them. So no chance of them finding out.
