DW Community Catch-up Thread
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Your comment about religion and families was phrased like an absolute truth, not an opinion based on your own experiences. So you can see why some might take it in a way that it wasn’t intended.
The friend you’re referring to and my former supervisor have nothing to do with one another. I never wished my friend ill. It wasn’t a love triangle. I wasn’t interested in him. My lack of interest in him had nothing to do with him commenting on my weight. What I felt over that situation, however, I discussed with my therapist, which I also mentioned on here. My former supervisor was an asshole and a bully; the way he treated me still affects me, and I do not wish him well. Feeling smug about misfortunes makes me petty, yes, but it doesn’t mean I am invested in his misery at the expense of my life.
If you don’t like the way people are responding to you, why aren’t you ignoring them per your own advice?
Cool Kate, got it, I can see where I went wrong.
Got it all Copa! My mistake. Major apologies for misreading and misunderstanding. Why am I not ignoring it? Because you all ALSO misread and misunderstood what I said, and I tried to set it right. I get it now, we’re all good.I don’t care about the way you all are responding to me, but I do care about being mischaracterized with my statements and I also apologize for misunderstanding and being judgmental. That was not my intention. At the same time, this is not a private email thread. This is a free and public Website. So if you all think you can disagree with someone and not have them try to explain themselves, then you’re wrong.
I’m definitely learning a lot about his culture and heritage as our relationship progresses.
When I said take 7 steps wearing a saree, I was being tongue in cheek. I realize that there is a lot of religious significance in this kind of ceremony, and I was trying to say that if he ends up wanting to have a religious wedding, I am ok with that. I know him well enough to know that he’s not the kind of guy to go all out and over the top, but I’m more than happy to have a religious ceremony if he tells me that it’s important to him.
I’m not at all worried about his family trying to tell us what to do. Things are good with us that way.
There will be compromises on both sides I’m sure, and I’m mostly curious about how things turn out and what direction we end up taking when it comes to recognizes both of our cultures. But I’m not at all worried about it being an issue. I’m actually excited!
“I hate to break it to you, but no matter how lax someone seems about religion, if their parents are religious, it WILL be an issue if it’s not addressed. Instead, why not use this as a learning opportunity to learn more about his culture? It’s not just walking around seven times, it signifies something. You said that you don’t care about the wedding, you just want to get married, but you do have to think about cultures, etc. ”
Do you really not have any sense of how obnoxious this is? She knows the people involved, you don’t. You don’t know whether she’s learned anything about their religions. Do you really not understand why it is offensive for you a complete stranger to everyone involved, to claim to be “breaking” the personal dynamics to her?
Yeah, I’m with Fyodor, Kate, etc. That was pretty presumptuous.
As a Jewish daughter-in-law to very religious Catholic in-laws, based on my experience, it’s simply not true that it will necessarily be an issue with the parents. My in-laws ended up being more concerned about inviting people and transportation, and my mother-in-law ended up defending our nonreligious ceremony to a few individuals in her family. Obviously that’s not the case with everyone, but it’s not always a thing.
And MissDre, if his cousin has already given them an example of what a wedding with multiple cultures would look like, I also wouldn’t be too concerned. A large part of what made wedding conversations with my parents hard was that they didn’t have a reference point for what we were doing – they went to these massive weddings where the parents took over the guest lists and they were only in hotel ballrooms, so my sub-100 person wedding not in a ballroom (and without crazy decorations) didn’t compute.
Guys, I’ve already apologized so so much for this. Like I said, I’m sorry! Geez Louis. Obnoxious? Hypocrite? I’m really not offended…and I really don’t think anyone should be either. Heck if someone wrote me the same I wouldn’t be! But not the same strokes for all folks.
At the same time, I have a right to my opinion. I’m not going to be Wolff and you guys be Trump and try to sue me over a book, so if you don’t like what I said, sorry, like I said I apologized and meant it.People can still talk about your jackass-sounding comments even after you apologize. We get it, you’re sorry for whatever. We misunderstood you. The discussion can continue though.
Portia, right, so in my situation at the time, that wasn’t the case and I was just trying to be cautionary.
Fyodor, everyone here doesn’t know everything about everyone’s else’s situation, so don’t put that on me, like I’m the only person on this thread that’s committed some grave offense. I hold my hands up and apologize. Time to move on and continue this EPIC thread.
