DW Community Catch-up Thread
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I was the same MoneyPenny and ktfran – no one really knew anything until about a month in. I had even met some of his friends before my friends even knew he existed. I think it was because I wasn’t stressed or worrying “will he text me, what did that mean, etc”. I have felt pretty secure in our relationship since the beginning.
You guys are freaking me out just a little because damn, you’re reading my mind.
Current “manfriend of veritek” is the easiest one so far. Like, as said above, most of my friends forget he exists because I don’t sit and analyze everything and its just so…easy? It’s been a slow burn so far (first date in July) but now I’m downright attached. The only problem we have so far is that we live 90 minutes apart, and it’s really not a problem! We see each other every weekend and sometimes in the middle of the week. And he’s kind and sweet and I’m just not freaking out about everything and every little text. Like, I know we’re cool. He said to me the other day “don’t worry about getting back on bumble, I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.” Like, wtf? I haven’t scared you off yet? Unicorn.
Same feelings here. First husband was this emotional high but also blinded me to the real problems, and when I stopped feeling so crushingly in love, he was still demanding these overarching declarations. Like, needed to dig into my past to make sure all these little things were ‘firsts’ Or that I’d never had this connection before. It ended up being a part I played in my own life.
Obviously I had some strong andstill have strong sexual connection to RadioStar, but the ‘just knowing’ comes from feeling secure in this relationship and with myself. I’m the truest me while also being a we.
It was my guy’s friend’s birthday party last night and he invited me to go. I hadn’t met this group of “friends” before so I was a little nervous. The birthday friend was really nice, chatted a little, very extroverted, unlike me and my guy. There were a few other nice people too.
But as my guy explained a little before, and I understood after, that the other people were mostly acquaintances of his and he was there for the friend’s birthday really. His friend is part of this foursome of couples and the girls are also close. My guy’s always felt a little excluded from this “group” and I felt sad hearing that. I mean yeah, they are all coupled off, but one guy of this “four” was actually kind of a jerk. While getting his drink from a table near us he asked “… so, are you guys dating or something?” in a really awkward and dismissive way. There are other things to talk about! And this guy’s fiancee was one of the nice girls! Ughh. And yes, these are all first impressions. There were few other people outside this 8 so it was fine but damn.
I’m a bit socially awkward too and have felt “out” in parties, but I hated seeing my guy feel like that last night. I’m glad I went though with him and at least met his friend.
he asked “… so, are you guys dating or something?”
I can’t help but laugh at this! I wasn’t there of course so I’ll take your word for it that he was dismissive.
But it just makes me laugh. Last May, right after my boyfriend and I had decided to be exclusive, he invited me to his good friend’s wedding in Italy. So I booked time off work, I flew to Italy with him, we picked out a present together for the couple, etc.
After the wedding and during the party I was sitting with my boyfriend when the groom looked at us and was like, “So what’s the deal with you two? Are you guys like… dating now or something?”
And my boyfriend laughed and said “I should hope so, considering I invited her all the way to Italy with me!”
Bahaha, nice! I know — even typing it out, I thought, maybe it wasn’t that bad. We weren’t acting overtly coupley or anything. But it came out in a weird tone, at least I felt like that last night. I can laugh about it now in the morning, but still, more in a he was kind of a jerk way, haha. Well, maybe he was just trying to make conversation and a little awkward!
I feel like that’s a “young” / millennial thing. People in their mid 30s and older would just be like, hey, so how did you meet Dave? They have better social skills, and dating isn’t as weird / vague as I think it is with younger people.
Kate, I completely agree with you. For whatever reason, admitting that you’re “dating” is like this big, weird, scary thing to the younger generation. I’m not sure if it’s because of Tinder or online dating, or what the deal is…
I think it used to be that people would meet romantic interests though friends, so it was normal to do things socially with other people while dating.
But now, everybody meets online so meeting your date’s friends is like this “big serious thing” and because of hook-up culture, FWB stuff, ghosting, casual dating, etc… It’s scary to say publicly “Yes, we’re dating.”
It’s kinda sad.
Ironically…I did a comedy show last night where I have a small crush on the comic who was hosting it, and I brought a guy friend of mine along to watch and also to record me. I felt like I had to be very clear in saying that he & I were just FRIENDS to make sure the comic I low-key like wouldn’t think I have a boyfriend. Also my set was partially about being single so hopefully that drove it home – and I’m going to another show of his tonight without my friend – but it was this weird awkwardness because none of the other comics brought “outside friends” (they are all friends and I’m new, so I’m not really in the group yet). Plus, I like my friend and wanted to bring him…but it did feel like everyone thought he was my boyfriend because none of them were there with anyone.
Now if only I could just stop having a crush on this comic I probably wouldn’t care as much. Ha.
I think these days dating has such a large spectrum that asking things like ‘so are you dating, or what?’ Is probably the best lead up. If it is done correctly, it can be less harsh.
I went to mt BF’s work christmas party back in Dec, and he told me the following week one of his coworkers asked how serious it was between us, cause he knew a lady for him. I take it with a grain of salt. Both he and I are quite private. I never made it public knowledge at work that I was seeing him, let alone anyone until I brought him as a date to my xmas party, same with him. Mind you, one of my coworkers decided to being a guy she had been seeing for less than a month to the xmas party. It did not end well, as she explained to me, slighty drunk, that she was starting ro regret bringing him. She then ignored him for most of the night, so we chatted with him instead. Parties and work parties can be an excuse to bring someone, despite how serious or casual, with you as a date.
Hmm. I dunno. I wouldn’t think someone was being a jerk for asking directly if I was dating someone I came to a party with, but I’d find them socially awkward if they phrased it like that. I think you can often tell by how people interact if they’re together, and absent any telling signs, I think it’s common to ask how you know someone. As a side note, I’d only feel awkward answering the question if we hadn’t talked about where we stood yet. After the DTR talk, I don’t see why this would cause discomfort.
As far as introducing a guy to friends goes, I kinda feel like it’s a big deal, but simultaneously… not really. Any hesitation I have is because I don’t see the point in bringing someone around if he’s going to bolt in a month. I’d actually be more worried that the guy would think inviting him around friends means I think we’re more serious than we are.
A cute new neighbor recently moved into my building. He has a dog, too, and we bump into one another in our courtyard a lot when taking our pups out. He’s so nice and friendly, and I like our chats and sloooowly getting to know him a little bit. It’s fun. I feel like I so seldom have crushes these days that it’s fun when they happen.
@copa, I do the same with guys I date. I don’t introduce them until I know there is some potential to them. This goes for family as well, although in some instances in my early dating, living at home made it hard to ‘hide’ them so to say.
I introduced my current BF a few months in, I was feeling pretty confident with him. This still holds! I am anxious to get him to meet my family as well, I think they will get along well. Although the most important people who I want ‘approval’ from are still the two of us, it is still important for me to have my friends and family meet him, or any guy, and have some acceptance to him.
