DW Community Catch-up Thread
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Hey everyone, I’m looking for a little advice. I met my husband about 3 years ago through Meetup (didn’t start dating right away) and this thread was helpful to follow as people were having the same experiences as me. I think @ktfran met her now husband about the same time I met mine. This weekend I’m going to be helping my younger brother setup an online dating profile. I know from following this thread that things have changed since I tried online dating, about 5 years ago. I talked to my brother about Meetup because it’s never a bad idea to make new friends with common interests but I was thinking of signing him up for Plenty of Fish. I used Match when I was online dating and I wasn’t super impressed with the quantity of people in my area. It sounds like people here have come to the conclusion that the paid sites don’t seem to have more pay off than the free sites. Am I correct in that thinking?
Also, he has a disability that I don’t think needs to be disclosed in his profile. He doesn’t let it stop him from working and leading a normal life but it does limit the kinds of jobs he can have and therefore impacts the amount of money he makes. He is really the sweetest guy but his trusting nature in the past has drawn in people who have taken advantage of him. I plan to talk to him about red flags and such. I guess I’m just nervous about how to present him in the best light. Any suggestions?
I think who is on the sites/apps and how they are used varies geographically. I was super unimpressed by the men I’d see on Match here (major U.S. city), but liked it when I lived in the suburbs of another state. I’ve had more luck with the free apps, but in some places, those are exclusively for hooking up. I hated OKCupid, but I know a couple people who have met their long-term partners or husbands on there. I’ve never tried PoF. I think people who are seriously looking for a relationship tend to have profiles on a couple platforms at a time, so you and your brother could explore that option. The first time I signed up for Match, I think I got a month free or super discounted and that’s why I went for it.
I don’t really have any advice about how to disclose his disability, but I do think it’s a good thing to be up-front about so that he can weed out the wrong people.
Good luck to him!
Thanks Copa. I think two sites at the same time is a good idea. I forgot about OKCupid, I’ll look into that and Coffee Meets Bagel for him. If the free sites don’t seem to be panning out for him we can look into Match. Maybe it’s changed around here since I used it. If a free month works for him maybe I can help him pay for a few additional months.
I agree about him being upfront about his disability. I’m leaning towards advising him to address it if someone brings it up and if they don’t to wait and mention it to them if they go out a second time. He is blind in one eye with very poor vision in the other. Anyone who sees him trying to read something, like a menu, would notice. I think that it has caused him to miss out learning social cues like body language and such. So he doesn’t always pick up on nonverbal cues, similar to struggles some people with certain kinds of autism have.
I think which sites are good depends very much on where you are. In my major Canadian city, all of my friends who have met someone successfully online have met them on eharmony. But in other cities friends have more success with relationships on Tinder or OK Cupid. I think you just try one or two, see how that works, and change it up after 3-6 months if you’re not getting much traction.
Well, I went on my first date since my breakup in August last night. I decided to use a site I never really have before – Match – and see how that worked. This guy was nice enough but pretty boring and I (as so often happens) had to work to keep the conversation going. He also was running a 5k in the morning so he wouldn’t eat anything and I was starving because I hadn’t eaten since my salad at lunch at work. All told it was about an hour and a half, I’d give it a 5/10, adding an extra point (5 instead of 4) mainly because he paid for the drinks.
I messaged another guy on Match who looked super interesting a couple days ago, and in his profile he claims he “ALWAYS writes back” but guess who hasn’t written back to me? Yeah. Fun times.
At least I have an open mic today where I’m going to do a new set about online dating, so that should be fun.
Glad to hear your updated TheLadyE! Did you eat though?? Was it supposer to be a drinks thing or was dinner/apps in the question? How do you find the Match interface?
Totally understand not wanting to eat before a 5k but that made me think of some food podcasts I’ve been listening to. They address the issue of whether you can date someone who eats to live if you live to eat. I’d like to think I could, but I went out on a handful of dates with a guy who was paleo and I felt so self conscious eating in front of him. That’s on me and we stopped seeing each other for other reasons, but it kind of didn’t help?
I’m still seeing the guy and he makes me happy. He also made this delicious Thai soup for dinner and went out of his way to buy lemongrass! I met his family last week and it went ok I think. I don’t want to overthink and I just want to enjoy this. He is away for a couple weeks for work though so it may be good for some self reflection.
If a guy told me he didn’t want to eat the night before a 5K because of said 5K, I’d think he didn’t want to do anything — like eat — that would extend our date. If he’s taking the 5K that seriously, why was he drinking? As someone who likes running and participating in races during the warmer months of the years, I find it very odd odd. If anything, I used even the shortest races as an excuse to carbo load the day before.
Yeah, not eating at ALL the night before a race? Even a 5k? Is that a thing? I think that’s weird. I’ve done many races of varying distance (5k to half-marathon) and everything I’ve read says it’s not a great idea to starve yourself ahead of time. I don’t usually have much for breakfast on the morning of the event, because it makes me feel sloshy, but the night before? The body needs fuel! (Was he planning to bail early and just make some mac ‘n’ cheese or something?) Anyway, just commenting that I think it’s weird too. Carry on…
Well idk if it was his first 5K maybe he over exaggerated on his training. But really, a 5K? I don’t take those overly serious haha
I think he was using it as an excuse to keep the date short.
I should clarify – he had eaten at home before our date because he wanted to be able to control WHAT he ate before the race. We didn’t meet up until 7:30 and he had a beer, so it wasn’t even that he wouldn’t drink. He just ate before he got there.
And @hfantods, no I didn’t get to eat there! I waited until I got home and put an Amy’s frozen pizza in the oven and devoured it while slightly tipsy talking to my sister. Lol.
On the plus side, I had a pretty good open mic Saturday night and a guy friend of mine came with me in case Hippie Artist Guy was there again. He wasn’t. Yay.
