It’s nice to have a work crush. Unless it becomes consuming.

Within the past couple years, I met a guy through friends and he and I were all googly eyes for each other. We went out a couple times. He does drugs. I don’t. He hated living here and saw himself moving. I didn’t. THOSE are some examples of what I’d consider lifestyle incompatibilities. Our values and goals didn’t align, so it was short-lived. We’re still good friends even though he’s since moved across the country. We’ve had a couple candid talks about it since he moved and kinda joke that yeah, maybe in another life…

@Copa and everyone else, thank you for your kind words and insight! I am indeed having a lot of fun having an actual crush. That’s why I told all of you – I couldn’t keep from telling SOMEONE about it! I haven’t had a crush “in the wild” – ie not from a dating site – since about, 2014 I think? Ironically, one of my other work crushes came back around 4 years later and we’re really close friends now. We would probably be dating (or have dated) if life hadn’t worked out the way it did.

The fun part is of course in seeing him, talking to him, feeling the butterflies and being giddy over someone new. The first day I met him he gave a presentation (in my new hire orientation, lol) and he was so incredibly brilliant that I talked to him afterwards for 15 minutes. It may be all in my head (though I don’t think it is!) but there’s definitely chemistry there.

I’ve realized through this process that I’ve definitely internalized that I’m a weirdo, I’m a black sheep, I’m offbeat and also I come with a pre-existing condition (literally) that makes me incompatible with someone who’s more active. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE being outdoors, hiking, being on the water, climbing through the woods, etc, but I just can’t do it very fast or for days on end. I grew up in rural PA and all we did was climb trees and fish and walk in the woods. I’m just never going to be an “athlete” and I feel like that precludes me from being with someone who is.

Interestingly, my most recent ex also had a pre-existing condition and we felt so compatible because we understood when the other was tired or had used all of our ‘spoons’ for the day and needed to rest. I never thought – and have yet to be convinced – that I’ll meet someone who is that lifestyle-compatible with me again, because it’s very hard to ‘get’ if you don’t live with it. (His was actually more debilitating than mine, by far.)

So…I dunno. I’m excited to work on this project with him and I’ll invite him to shows and just let things grow if they will or not. I’m tempted to tell one of our mutual work friends I have a crush but that feels very junior high so I probably won’t. However, I’m THE WORST at having a poker face so if we interact enough it’ll probably be evident, much as I try to hide it. Oops.

I broke up with my boyfriend and I’m really sad. I thought he was the one, we talked about moving in. But this past month he’s changed. He stopped calling me like usual, would tell me he would call me back and he wouldn’t. I brought it up a few times during this past month so that we can compromise and fix whatever it was like we’ve done in the past but he kept on doing it. We don’t see each other during the weekday since we live an hour apart so to me it was important we talked for awhile in the evening. For the past 7 months we did so I’m not sure what changed. He told me that he knew that we didn’t talk much anymore but that he was to busy (nothing out of the ordinary changed for him to be too busy to talk to me) but that his feeling hadn’t changed, that he still loved me.
I feel like he has lost interest in me and didn’t know how to tell me. I told him that I did not like how I was feeling lately. (Doubtful, second guessing myself) He said that he wasn’t sure why I was feeling that way but that I should do whatever I wanted to do. He decide to leave it up to me as if I was the only one in this relationship.
So now here I am at 41, heartbroken again.

@JadeSG – I am so sorry you are going through that breakup and heartache. I applaud your strength though. You know what you need and that he just wasn’t willing to put in the effort to keep what you two had. That sucks. But being alone is better than being alone while in a relationship with someone who just doesn’t value you or the relationship.

My dating update =
I had a meetup-turned into a first date last night that went really well! A guy I met through an online dating app. We’d talked a lot, and decided we’d just meet up as friends because we clicked that way. He’s just really comfortable to talk to and makes me laugh. Physically he’s not the type I normally go for – he’s a freaking foot taller than me even when I was wearing my work heels. I normally date guys who are a few inches shy of 6 ft or shorter. (I’m 5’3″ on a good day) So any more than that and I feel pocket sized to some fricken giant guy.

Well, when we met there was something more there. Surprised the hell out of me. I went into the night expecting to have a fun time with a buddy and left with the thought that maybe there could be something more. We’re going to see each other again.

Update on the work crush! I found out this week that he is moving to a different department entirely and a different floor. He’s going to finish out the projects we started working on and we will still work together some, but far less often than in his now-former role.

We had a meeting on Thursday morning that went 30 minutes over what it was supposed to and was basically just us talking about…random stuff. I kept waiting for him to end the meeting because we didn’t need to talk for that long but he just kept talking to me. Also I invited him to one of the two comedy shows I’m performing in in May and he put them both in his phone!

Anyway, thinking nothing of it, really. One of the other girls told me he was “having a great time being single” from what she hears, so I think he may just be that charismatic with everyone. Time shall tell!

Meanwhile, I’ve lost 4lbs on WW so far!