DW Community Catch-up Thread
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@Ale Well, there were a lot of things I saw about him that I liked. He seems intelligent, empathetic, driven; he’s socially active and liberal; he has an awesome job (cinematography) and is very artistic just like I am. I saw his job and his pics on Hinge and when I visited his Instagram I looked through some of his posts and he seems to have a lot of depth and really focuses on self-improvement. He also seems close to his family. I mean hey – his Instagram is public and he directed me there from Hinge so I looked through it a bit before I messaged him.
Also – I agree with him about Hinge. I hate it. I’ve gotten ONE match off of days of swiping and that person flaked. It’s awful, at least in my experience.
Maybe I ask because I have never seen someone look so interesting that I want to pursue them outside of the dating app, at least on Tinder.
I have been on Tinder since last Sunday (third time I download it), and there’s nobody interesting. I have talked to a bunch of guys, get a lot of matches, but nothing else.
I have definitely felt that way, but I’ve found that the more excited I’ve been about the idea of someone (an idea created in my head based on pics, a profile, the way someone seems online), the bigger the let down it was in the end.
Seriously, when you’re just looking at somebody online and basically putting them up on a pedestal based on an image you’ve pieced together without knowing them, you’re just setting yourself up for disappointment. Even if they are great, you’ve lost all your power and your dignity by idealizing them from the start.
*shrug* I don’t really see it that way. He said he wasn’t checking Hinge anymore and he seemed cool; it doesn’t hurt my “power” or “dignity” to message him on Instagram. If I don’t, there’s no chance we’ll talk and we both might have missed out on something great. Hinge sucks.
I mean, he could very well be a flake/a dud/not compatible with me for any number of reasons, but this first initial connection has little to do with it IMO. If he doesn’t respond to me again then yeah, he’s a flake, but whatever. You have to risk to get a reward sometimes. I don’t really see it as any kind of power play.
@Copa, At least in my city – a nicely sized city in the southeast – I have swiped for literally days and I’ve only gotten one match. I feel like, similar to Bumble, they keep up old profiles and there aren’t a lot of active people/prospects there…OR, hey, maybe I’m just over the hill and not getting a lot of matches. I get way more on Tinder but they’re generally not looking for relationships, just hookups.
I get why he’s saying he’s not making connections there. I’m not either.
@TheLadyE there’s nothing wrong with messaging him. I didn’t mean that. If he said he’s accepting messages on IG and you think he’s cute, go for it!
But the fact that you’ve checked him out everywhere possible (IG, Google, Website) and felt the need to follow up on another platform because he didn’t respond within a day, that’s what I see as a red flag. You’re telling us here how OMG AMAZING he is based on some pics and a website, before you’ve ever even met or chatted with the guy. You’re already over the moon about him based on an idea you’ve got in your head about what he might be like.
It comes across as really desperate, and I’m saying that it shifts the power balance because you already care more than he does.
I just very strongly believe, based on my own experiences in life, the brighter the flame the faster it burns out. And your posts here really made me raise my eyebrows.
Anyway, you do what you think is right. I hope he’s a great guy and you have fun getting to know him.
Call me a cynic and a miserable person, but I think it’s not advisable to be excited about someone before meeting, OR to feel like you shouldn’t meet someone unless you’re excited about them. You use profiles to weed out idiots and time wasters, but you don’t use them to determine that someone is an amazing person or a great match for you. At most it should be like, oh cool, looks like we’ll have something to talk about, or “seems promising.” The best dates I had were with guys I was neutral about meeting.
Agree with @Dre, @Ale, and @Kate. It took me a little while to learn to manage my expectations. Like, I used to get excited if I was getting along with someone by text, then feel disproportionately sad when things didn’t work out. Nowadays, I do wonder if I’m too cynical, but at least for initial dates, I don’t feel *excited*. Like, ever.
I was definitely really excited to meet my boyfriend. We had been talking on the phone for two weeks. But as I mentioned in other posts, there was definitely a slow burn.
