DW Community Catch-up Thread
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@ale Well that sucks! You reminded me of this one guy that I totally had a crush on for a long time but I never made it obvious. I’d see him at practice (we are indigenous dancers) and would say hello and did some small talk when we’d see each other. In my head he seemed like a great guy with a good head on his shoulders, interesting, funny etc.. He seemed dreamy like the perfect man. LOL
So after 2 years we started chatting and he mentioned he had a crush on me too! I was so over the moon, after about a week of chatting the image I had of him deteriorated. He loved talking shit about other people and asked me for ass pictures! He hadn’t even taken me out and wanted sexy pics of me.
I’m glad I gave myself a chance to get to know him more, now I know he is a douche bag just like your professor.
oh @Ale, he did you a favor by showing that behavior before you actually went on a date with him!
Copa – I think it’s great you can be mature and friendly with the neighbor but I also understand that sting of seeing someone else show up at his place. Just mark him off the list.
Update on Man of Veritek – we have discussed living in the same city! Currently we live 90 minutes apart and see each other each weekend. He, unsolicited, brought up looking for jobs in the same city I work in. He would probably get his own apartment for a while but he’s open to the idea of moving into my house in a year or so. So that’s exciting! Obviously all of that could change at any moment, but we had a great conversation about and seem to want the same things. So progressing right along!
@veritek33 That’s SUPER exciting!! Do you feel like a success story NOW? I basically aim to be you and MoV!
But, yeah, I’m kinda down on dating lately. I’ve been so busy with work lately that it’s been on the back burner, but I cried ALL over my therapist’s office last time I saw her about how tedious it is, how flakey everyone is, how I feel like these cycles aren’t going to end, etc.
Neighbor popped up on my Bumble last night for the billionth time. He’s one of those people that I never right swipe, but want to out of curiosity. I realized when we became Facebook friends a couple months ago that we’d matched on there before, maybe sometime last year before he’d moved into the city. In a couple weeks I’m moving within my same building, so I’m kinda hoping he moves when his lease is up this fall. (This part isn’t really relevant, but I’m super excited because the new place is the same layout as my current place and on a higher floor — which I prefer for the privacy — but the rental price is way less than what I’m paying now and SUPER reasonable for my neighborhood. I’m really excited to save on rent.)
I’m currently trying to set up a day/time to meet a guy I’ve been chatting with on Bumble. I’ve actually enjoyed texting him, which is pretty rare for me, so I think if nothing else, he’ll be someone I can have a fun conversation with for a couple hours over a drink.
I’m not sure if anyone else has experienced this on Bumble, but I feel like a lot of the men on there aren’t engaging. I always use something from their profiles to try to strike up a conversation, and a lot of men are happy to answer questions about themselves but few ask me any questions in return. I don’t really understand it. I’ve only been on one Bumble date ever, and he didn’t ask me a single question about myself. I think he was shy, but I declined a second date. Anyway, I find this consistently and it’s unique to Bumble. I’ve mostly met men from Tinder, and haven’t really experienced that on there. But it’s pretty consistent on Bumble.
@Copa No, unfortunately Instagram Guy gave me the old “I want to use this time to focus on myself” line about a week ago after he got back from the meditation retreat in Morocco. I kind of saw it coming. I still follow him on Instagram and he’s doing a lot of shit like taking watercolors into the park and painting trees, taking Instagram videos of butterflies, etc. I’m pretty sure someone broke his heart pretty badly. He told me he will reach out when he feels ready, which is kind of presumptuous in and of itself, but I wished him well and now it’s onward.
I actually have a date tomorrow night with a guy I met on Coffee Meets Bagel. I’m not super hopeful because from what I can surmise, I think he is separated or recently divorced, though he won’t get into it via texting. We’ll see how it goes. Very low expectations are the key to not being disappointed, right?
I’ve also been super busy with work and doing so much with comedy that I haven’t really had time to date. I am giving up going to (not performing in, but going to) a show tomorrow night to go out with this dude, so I hope it’s at least worth that. I totally get you, Copa, with how flaky everyone is and how these cycles never seem to end. If it makes you feel better, several of my female comic friends and I are feeling the exact same way.
@TheLadyE That kinda sucks about Instagram Guy, but I mean, couldn’t he have just said he wanted to focus on himself before? And yeah, I know I’m not the only one who feels this way about apps. I think part of why I’m feeling the way I am is because my birthday is coming up, and feeling like nothing’s changed in a year while everyone else’s lives zoom ahead.
For anyone who uses Bumble, I was offered a free 14-day trial of Bumble Boost and decided to do it. It shows you the people who have already swiped right on you for you to decide yes or no. You also get to “re-match” expired matches, which is nice (the 24-hour timeframe is my big pet peeve with this app). You just need to be sure you cancel before the 14-day mark, otherwise you’ll be auto-charged for three months at a time. (Neighbor is on my list of people who have right-swiped me. Curiosity satisfied.)
Man LadyE all those hippie dippie spiritual guys are just as douchey as the rest of them hey? Except I guess they have thr universe’s will to hide behind or whatever. Ugh.
Yeah, @Copa & @Ange, the biggest thing I’m finding with some of these apps/sites is there is no real barrier to entry so people (guys – and maybe women too, who knows) sign up just to “see what’s out there” and “meet new people” without doing the self-reflection of whether or not they’re emotionally ready to be in a relationship or actually take the time to even date. I’ve had that happen several times now. And in several cases, including my most recent ex, it’s been months or years and they haven’t dated anyone else, which goes to show they weren’t lying to me…they just really weren’t able to give me the time or emotional availability. Sucks, but it’s true.
Now Instagram Guy is making videos guiding meditation for…whoever’s watching, I guess? I watched last night and he’s so INTO IT. I mean, yes, spirituality and meditation are all really valuable, of course, but if you want to focus on that, don’t SIGN UP FOR A DATING APP. Ugh.
The date I had tonight was…coma-inducingly boring. As they usually are. I decided I was *not* going to be the one dragging him through the conversation like I usually am and we literally ran out of things to talk about in an hour because he was just not engaged with me. At one point he was like “I can be really boring, I’m sorry” and I wanted to say “You should put that in your profile right up front.”
…at least I got a good 3-5 minutes of standup material out of it. I’ve already started writing.
@Copa, I’m glad neighbor swiped right on you! That does provide some satisfaction. As for IG, he probably could’ve just said he wanted to focus on himself right upfront, but considering I’m probably the only woman who’s messaged him anything of substance from Hinge on his Instagram, he probably didn’t want to give up that easily…? I dunno. He’s clearly Going Through Some Stuff so whatever. Timing is everything it seems.
That’s why I’m not on any dating apps. I’m nowhere near ready for a relationship. Oddly enough, I’m not even ready to have sex with someone new. I feel like I don’t even want people looking at me. I was on tinder a couple months ago and that’s when I decided all of this. And also my wonderful therapist has helped me put some things in perspective.
Funny story, pre husband I finally gave in and went to a dating app and my actual first two people to show up were my prior two exes. I didn’t even move further just deleted it right then and there.
