Yeah I felt the same way. I know what my level of attractiveness is in the world, I assume if he’s messaging me he thinks my photos are cute, but I don’t need a comment on the attractiveness of my photos. Just a “Hi, I’m Bob, I notice you like Mexican food, ever been to Felipe’s?” is just fine.

Oh yes, the weird “hi beautiful” guys. Hard to start a convo based off of that. I always assume the guy’s doing a whole lot of cut and paste type messages to every woman who meets his idea of attractive and ignore those.

I have a full body pic on my match profile that was taken in my bedroom. One guy just started talking on and on about my bed – and what he wanted to do there. Keep in mind he’d never even heard my voice at this point and had gotten a whole one reply from me. Creepy as heck. I blocked him and was mentioning it as a weird story to a friend who went…was his name (guy’s name). I showed her his profile pic and she starts going oh! He’s an *insert long string of 4 letter words here*. Turns out they used to work together and yeap, dude is just as bad in real life. Talk about a bullet dodged.

Meanwhile in happier news I’ve been texting on and off all day with the guy from bumble that I met in real life yesterday. He said something that tweaked my memory so I went and looked at some git commits. Had a geek girl swooning moment cause it turns out he developed some of the tools I use daily. He’s so humble he didn’t even mention he wrote the tool when I was talking about how much time this particular thing saved me today. A serious Alpha Geek. The nice thing is he’s fun to talk to about non geek stuff as well – books and music plus a good sense of humor. I’m enjoying the heck out of meeting him.

In this same vein I have a question for y’all to see if I’m being unreasonable/having too high expectations: I was talking to a guy on CMB a few weeks ago for a couple of hours and he starts telling me he’s kinky. Keep in mind we’d been chatting for maybe 2 hours and had not moved to texting. Red flags started going up, and then he starts doing the thing that many guys have done where he says he wants to be sure I’d be “ok with what he’s into” to see if it’s worth it to keep talking. He proceeds to tell me he enjoys being a cuckold – he likes it when the woman he’s with will sleep with another guy in front of him. If I wasn’t OK with that, there was no point in us talking any further.

Now maybe I’m old fashioned (it’s entirely possible) but I’m of the opinion that telling someone about your kinks in the first 2 hours on a dating app is too soon. I would *probably not* be ok with cuckolding, but my view was that I didn’t even know if I wanted to sleep with *him* yet – how would I know if I’d be ok with what he wants? When I’m in love with a guy I’m pretty damn accommodating but I think it’s way too soon to talk about that upfront, no matter WHAT the kink is.

However, when I told a couple of my younger friends (I was incredulous) they seemed to think it was perfectly normal. One said “I might be ok with that; it was good he told you upfront” and I was just shocked. Isn’t that something you wait to disclose after you get to know someone and see if you even like them at all??

The ironic thing is I do have a FWB who’s pretty kinky himself but HE WAITED UNTIL WE BOTH LIKED EACH OTHER to disclose all that.

Are my expectations too high here?

@TheLadyE I’d move along from there if you’re not interested in that stuff. Odd to bring it up within 2 hours. I’d agree he’s just looking for a hit-it-and-quit-it type thing.

I should clarify – we mutually unmatched each other weeks ago. It’s not really that particular instance but more to the point that I’ve had that happen multiple times over the course of the last few years and my younger Millennial friends seem to think it’s perfectly normal so I wanted to make sure I’m not an old fuddy duddy by being really put off by that right upfront, because it happens constantly to me. Like make sure your expectation matches reality, you know?

@Copa, no, I meant that was the red flag, when he started talking about how he was kinky. I did unmatch him pretty quickly after that, because that’s all he could talk about once he brought it up.

It was CMB, it’s pretty limited as to what you can put in your profile, and I have nothing in my profile that would lead anyone to believe I am looking for a hookup. I’ve revamped my profiles dozens of times over the years.

I’m also fairly unique physically – a redhead and very petite – so I get a lot of guys who have different fetishes. It happens a lot to me. I don’t really know what to say other than “no hookups please” which I guess I could do, but that seems kind of presumptuous to me. When I used Tinder, I did say something along the lines of “looking for something meaningful” but that didn’t really seem to help.