DW Community Catch-up Thread
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So Neighbor is now FB Official with…his 23-year-old coworker. (The one I’ve seen him around with a few times. She has “artsy” hair so it’s easy to tell it’s the same woman.) Part of me is dreading seeing a guy who ghosted me and his new girlfriend around. Part of me is like, yep, bullet dodged. If his avoidant behavior wasn’t enough, he’s almost 30, and I think it’s weird that he’s mentally/emotionally in the same place as a woman who is fairly recently out of college.
I’ve been lurking on this thread so far but I have to come out to say please delete and block Neighbour from your social media, Copa.
Oh Copa. So sorry. That must be hard to swallow right now. Do something really nice for yourself today. Including blocking him and unfriending him.
Also, who the hell is FB official this days. I though that was over like ages ago. I think it’s corny, specially if you’ve been dating a couple weeks or months.TheHizzy, so sorry for your loss.
I know I should unfriend him, but I don’t want him to know I care about him or his relationship one way or another because I’m really embarrassed that I (obviously) am affected by this. (I am fully aware of how stupid I am being.) I wasn’t seeking out the information, it popped up at the top of my NewsFeed yesterday.
I’m not sure if lots of people do the Facebook official thing these days. I haven’t done it since I was, like, 20. I don’t put a lot of personal stuff on Facebook, though.
Do what’s best for you. You can block him but not unfriend him.
I do think you are putting way too much thought on what he thinks. We do that constantly (we, women).
I broke up with my ex a year ago and only as recent as last week I was able to block him on whatsapp, because I was worried of what he would think. He called me as soon as he found out. But I did what I had to do to take care of myself. No one is going to take care of yourself. He didn’t care. You shouldn’t.I will just reiterate that what he thinks Does. Not. Matter.
What matters is taking care of yourself. And seeing his love stories pop up in your news feed is obviously upsetting for you, so quit torturing yourself and give yourself the space you need to move on.
Copa – probably best to delete him, but I understand where you’re coming from as well.
Also, with regard to “Facebook official” – I’ve only done it once in my twenties. I won’t do it again until I get married, and maybe not even then. As a funny aside, Man of Veritek’s father mentioned to him that he didn’t know how things were going for us because we don’t have each other listed as being in a relationship on Facebook. He didn’t know if he could refer to me as “MofV’s girlfriend.” He didn’t understand why we wouldn’t do that because MofV’s sister has her relationship status on FB. He told Dad we are just fine, we just don’t put that on facebook. It was an entertaining conversation for him 🙂
That sucks Copa. Initially I thought you may as well keep him as a friend in case you ever wanted to check up on him again. But you were never actually in a real relationship (sorry, that sounds harsher than I meant). So if you want to delete him, go ahead. He’s out of your life and so what, whatever he thinks.
Also agree with the others… the only people who change their relationship status are those who are engaged or married. And especially not for a two month or whatever relationship! I think there was an article a while back that now the biggest relationship group on Facebook who break up are those who were married.
Yeah, I know. A lot of what I feel right now is rooted in my anxiety over leaving the house and running into him. Which is inevitable. I can delete him from social media, but I’m still going to see him (and, realistically, them) around. I feel stupid and embarrassed and want to hide away. I’ve got plenty of experience being rejected and ghosted, and normally after a couple weeks, I’m fine and over it, but dealing with it on my home turf is new to me and I’m just riddled with anxiety. (Side note: I’m now seeing my therapist weekly because I realize I’ve gone a little cooky.)
The boyfriend I had when I was in my early/mid 20s got upset with me a couple times because I didn’t want our relationship on Facebook. He felt slighted, even though I didn’t have myself listed as single. It was a dumb fight then, it seems even dumber now. Like if I ever had the same disagreement with a guy now, I’d bolt.
I understand completely. I felt the same at work, the minute I was out, I was much calmer and chill. But when I had to to go to work I was miserable. Don’t feel sorry for how you feel, you’re entitled to your feelings, even if it wasnt a big relationship. You were ok before him and you will be ok after him. No advice here, really, just empathy, and I can tell you, guaranteed, that it does get better. One day you won’t care.
This reminded me of when I was in my early-mid 20’s and had a sort of fling with one of my neighbors down the hall. He was a DJ as a side thing and invited me to some of his shows at local clubs (and I went and brought friends along so it wasn’t weird) and he would flirt with me, even though he supposedly had a girlfriend, until he announced to me that they had broken up. Then, we finally hooked up a few times and, after I had to ask, he told me he wasn’t looking for anything serious and I pretended to be fine with that. I realized he was actually really obnoxious once I got to know him and he stopped calling but I would still run into him at really awkward times (like taking out my trash or carrying a bunch of bags or being sweaty from the gym) and it was just really bad for awhile. And then he got a new girlfriend and sublet his place to move in with her and that was that, thank god.
All that is to say, I feel for you, and don’t beat yourself up too badly. But definitely unfollow/block him.
