DW Community Catch-up Thread
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“He’s a loser who isn’t worth it.”
That line made me thing of…
“You’re a virgin who can’t drive.” – Tai
“That was way harsh, Tai.”
Anyway, yes, I know. Nobody is telling me anything I don’t logically know. I’ve liked losers, been rejected, and had my feelings hurt before. I don’t have a lot of experience seeing these guys all the time after, though, so I guess I’m unsure what to do where I’d normally cry for 10 minutes and kinda forget the guy ever existed within a couple weeks.
Oh yeah, I hide all the time. I use other stairs, I’m aware of the times he arrives at work or eats, so I don’t jump into him. I almost never leave the lab, only to have lunch when I know he isn’t there and I’ve asked friends to tell me if he is so I don’t go there.
And I think like you Copa, like why should I hide? I think I was good to him and he was the one that decided to end it because he didn’t want to “work” on us, like I wasn’t worth it and he wanted to see his female married friend who took him to Cancun as a 30th birthday present whenever he wanted because she was more important than me.
So, yeah I shouldn’t hide. And he probably realizes I’m hiding or avoiding him, and therefore realizes how important he is.
And another problem is, hiding so much makes me not really be ready for when I bump into him. Like it’s a given that we’ll see each other. So if I hide, then when I see him I don’t know what to do and I think it elevates my anxiety.
So I think you and me both, we should stop hiding and start giving less fucks about emotionally immature 30 year olds.
@Ale My therapist told me not to hide because yeah, if you’re hiding all the time and see him, it does make the anxiety worse. She told me bluntly I need to stop slinking out the back and go about my life like a normal human, because my actions are making things worse, and basically I need to accept that run-ins happen, let them happen, and gradually desensitize myself to it/the idea of it. I was pretty sure Neighbor planned to move, so I didn’t listen. Rearranging furniture screams “not moving anytime soon!” so I guess I’ll have to start listening.
Copa i suggest a well timed run in while you are looking so hot he regrets every life choice. ???
@Copa – Before I met the guy I’m seeing now, I sort of dated another one (never got serious or even got to the “I really wanna see him naked” type stage) who I mentioned here before. Dude called me up drunk Thursday night, then was still drunk when calling me Friday morning at work. By noon I’d told him to never contact me again… which he promptly ignored for a couple of weeks until the blessed silence of the block button was employed. I actually saw him in the grocery store the other day and was poofing behind stacks of bananas in the produce department in order to stay out of his line of sight like a bad grocery store ninja. Needless to say, I went elsewhere for my grocery shopping that day.
In happier news my AG just got confirmation he’s coming home on Thurs…and asked to see me that same day. I suggested a low key hulu/netflix and takeout date at his house because he needs to decompress. I’m excited to see him again!
“clarity on the level of drunkenness” hahaha
Yeah Copa, my therapist told me the same exact thing.
I think we are very much alike, because I feel like my ex is a loser that isn’t worth it, yet I keep getting super anxious. And that’s what really makes me mad at myself, I want to be totally over with it but I feel I can’t. And that makes me more anxious. If I still loved him or even liked him, that would be at least understandable. I’m not patient when it comes to healing, emotionally and physically. I’ve been nursing an injury in my lower back and I want to be cured now! I want to go to the gym but I can’t.
Anyways the good thing is you know neighbor is a douche, you know you deserve better, you know he is a loser and more importantly, you know he is awful with pets. And you also know you’re awesome. And if you ever forget you can come back here and we’ll remind you.
lately I have noticed I get anxious about seeing men who look like my ex from back East. I know he would NEVER be out here, has no reason too (in the Navy and my new city is landlocked, so wouldn’t even be out here for a detachment). But because we had a bad falling out after the breakup and subsequent move back home for me, I get nervous about potentially seeing him ever again and how he would treat me. Whether he would look past me or acknowledge me. I feel kind of bad for how things turned out after I moved back home, so do still have some residual guilt, but lately it has been on my mind.
Otherwise I have been fortunate that all the men I have dated short term otherwise are back in Ontario and most definitely not here out West, and even back home I never crossed paths with them.
I have been able to successfully avoid my ex for 9 years and I live in a small town (80k). I’ve run into his family but never him. For the first few years after our break up I avoided everywhere I thought he could possibly be, it caused so much anxiety with the thought of seeing him. I switched shopping to a different part of town that he didn’t live in to reduce the chance of seeing him. I mean if I run into him now, no big deal but at that point, t’was a bad breakup followed by him getting engaged/married/having kids really fast and I just didn’t want to emotionally face that as I knew it would be a kick in the gut. Feels like a lifetime ago now, obviously I have moved on but still surprised I haven’t seen him around.
@Ale I’m not sure if this will resonate with you, too, but my therapist was also saying she thinks I absorb other people’s emotions and take them on for myself. Like I was telling her how stupid I thought it was for Neighbor to blatantly avoid me, and how it hurt my feelings, when he knows I’m someone he’ll see again. And her take was basically that his avoidance stems from not knowing how to handle things well, that he probably feels uncomfortable himself — and there I am sucking up all the awkward feelings for us both. She had an actual term for this but I can’t remember what it was. Anyway, I do think she’s right that I tend to take on the burdens of people around me, but I also think he literally didn’t care if he hurt my feelings, so I’m not sure he feels much of anything to see me, too.
Yeah, my therapist said something similar. That maybe these guys really don’t know what they’re doing and we feel responsible for both, us and them. Like we are the ones who need to make things right.
Anyways, I have two dates lined up. One for Friday and another one Saturday.
Saturday is the one that I’m excited about because we are going to a bar where there are board games. We’ll see how it goes. It could be good for me or I could end up crying late at night eating ice cream. Odds are the same!
