DW Community Catch-up Thread
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Copa I did the same at a young age, debt wasn’t discussed since we were so young. That being said he was also a trust fund baby so I didn’t really need to be concerned. Now that I’ve been burned by debt lies I will forever be extra careful. It caused my financial well being, which I worked my butt off for, to be well, fucked. That’s truly the only appropriate word. I’m not saying I’d never be with someone with any debt but I should get to know and make the decision going in. I also never ran up credit cards. At most I take two months to pay them off it not in full every month. I’ve only ever floated something for a few months when it was a true emergency (I had surgery once I had to pay out of pocket for). If i want a designer bag I save up, perhaps sell old ones I never use and buy it when I truly have the money. Frankly i should save more of it but I do sometimes want to treat myself and I only buy one a year of big items like that. I also am insanely cheap about a lot of things. Silly things almost, I can go buy an expensive bag but will search out the best price on trash bags or the likes. I suppose my mentality is that I want my money going toward things i enjoy over dish soap and trash bags.
We had the hard finance convo when we first started talking marriage, which was about 8 months after our first date. We knew we weren’t going to move in together before engagement, at a minimum, so we brought it up when marriage talk happened. I had cc debt. I was stupid at a young age and then I had a hard time getting out of it. I was embarrassed to tell him, but he needed to know. He didn’t ask for proof or anything and he suspected I had some. We came up with a plan together for me to get out of it. And I did. Since I had cc debt, we decided he’d purchase the condo because he has outstanding credit, etc. We also talked prenup, but ultimately decided against it.
I have an idea what my BF makes, a bit more than me, and he has an idea as well for my wage.
We had a discussion around finances around the 8 month mark as well. I am currently trying to work my way out of MC debt, and it snowballed on me after I moved into the city. I tried doing it on my own and looking more closely at my spending etc. But I wasn’t having much luck, so he offered to help and has been helping me keep an eye on my spending, as well as helping me with a timeline to pay it off. I should have like 95% paid off by the end of August.
He is very savvy with money, so as much as I appreciate his help I am also a bit disappointed in how I have been struggling to maintain mine. I think having a job that pays so well (after being in school and then working minimum wage) was a bit of a shock for me and I didn’t have a big goal to save as much as I could have. After I pay my debt off I am hoping to open a TFSA account (tax free savings account here in Canada) to help me save up for school next fall (Masters), and to just have something to cushion me.
Ooh congrats on grad school @Cleo!! Same field?
I mean part of why I don’t know how much he makes is because I’m just ignorant on his field. And I could google for a range (which I already suspect) but then I’d feel weird and I might as well ask. I also am concerned that he thinks I make more than I do not that this has ever come up and I don’t give any false impressions intentionally.
Yeah as I was typing the debt part I realized how silly that was. So I will leave it at that.
@Kate I really like Glassdoor, but if I search my job title (locally or even nationwide), there’s no salary data available. My company isn’t on there (we’re about 50 employees small, and very low turnover = staff skews older, many have been there for their entire careers). The company I work for, every state has its own iteration, but I’ve found very few on Glassdoor and no salary for any of the ones I have found. I recently read about how your 20s are the years when it’s easiest to get your salary up, and then in your 30s and beyond the rate at which your salary increases slows pretty dramatically. So lately I’ve been trying to gauge where I’m at. I don’t want to leave my company any time soon, so part of me is just like… is this it for me in terms of salary?
@JD Yeah, I’m like you in that barring emergency situations or special circumstances, I don’t run up my credit cards or pay less than the full amount. Sometimes, but it’s rare. A partner with a lot of debt would make me uneasy, I think. Like the friend I mentioned with $150K+ in student loans? If she were a guy I was dating, I don’t think I’d want to marry him. (Of course, I may be totally wrong about how I’d really feel since I think many people don’t disclose this until AFTER they’re in love and discussing a future. But the idea of that kind of debt burden becoming my problem, too, doesn’t appeal to me at all!)@hfandtods Why are you concerned that your BF may think you make more than you really do? Do you think he’d judge you for making less?
Well, once again, I would recommend What Color Is Your Parachute, Copa. It’s got a chapter on ways to figure out what you’re worth, including asking people. If you don’t want to buy it, just read that chapter at a bookstore.
I just got back Wednesday from visiting family in Arkansas and had to chuckle at Veritek33’s comment about driving through Kansas. I live in Colorado now and every time I visit family, I have to drive through the entire state of Kansas. It sucks.
Glad to catch up on all of the postings since last week. You guys have been posting a lot or it just felt like a lot to read since I haven’t checked the site since I left last Wednesday.
My husband and I married young so we don’t have split finances. All of our accounts are joint. I take care of all the finances and try to keep him in the loop about what is going on but he doesn’t really care to know. Luckily, i’m trustworthy! 🙂
I must admit we didn’t talk too much about finances before things got serious and marriage was on the table. I guess here it’s not necessarily such a loaded conversation when you know your partner doesn’t have credit cards and uni debt isn’t such a big deal. We still get by with debit credit cards and I think my uni debt is nearly done, I’m not sure. Once you hit a certain wage threshold they take it out of your pay so I don’t often notice. It’s interest free as well so meh.
If I was with a bloke that had 18 credit cards and a lot of flash stuff for a regular job I’d be giving him the old side eye though.
So my AG came home, we had our netflix/hulu and takeout date tonight and it was wonderful to see him again. Kinda weird though – we both fell asleep cuddled in his bed after sex, then woke up and repeated the cycle. I typically can’t relax enough to sleep with anyone ever so it was a big surprise for me to wake up a few hours later and go “oh wow, I actually slept…TWICE!” I went home after I woke up the 2nd time because I’m not quite ready to do the scheduled sleepover thing, much less a spontaneous one. I have a huge meeting tomorrow (today?) too so I need to be able to get to all my stuff and be ready.
Yes, I’m doing the overthinking What It All Means right now. It’s been close to 15 years since I slept easily in a bed with someone I hadn’t given birth to.
I always thought that being able to sleep in bed comfortably and through the night meant a ‘good relationship’ or a good sign at least. Ultimately after having slept with enough guys in enough beds, it’s the bed that makes the difference haha
My friend has been with her BF for almost 5 years now and she still can’t sleep in the same bed comfortable with him. She has difficulty sleeping already due to anxiety and other mental health stuff, so not surprised. But enjoy the good sleeping while you can 😛
On topic of money, you could also borrow that book from the library 😉
No, it’s not that, @copa. I just feel I’m not being totally honest.
I recently moved and for the first time I have a queen sized bed and I am loving it!!
@hfantods Thanks! I haven’t actually applied yet, so that process is happening this fall, in anticipation of starting in 2019. Fingers crossed! I would have the opportunity to come back to Ontario actually with some the places I am applying to (Guelph/Waterloo).
It is kind of in the same field, I am planning to do more Environmental Management/Site Assessment. SOme of the programs I am applying to do have a continued Planning portion (which is my undergrad background and current work), that would be ideal. But I am really looking to expand my environmental science and land knowledge to push me into management and conservation maybe. We shall see!
