DW Community Catch-up Thread
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I am truly curious Cleopatra and Kare: since you’re going on dates as well as just banging these guys, are at all open to something more developing with them? Or is this completely compartmentalized in your brain? I never had a true FWB but did have my fair share of one time things with some guy friends. While I never REALLY wanted to pursue anything with them, my ultimate desire for a ltr would make me think things like, oh maybe this could be more? And maybe that’s the difference? You’re both not looking good an ltr right now?
@Kare– I am with Lianne, I can’t see much of a difference between actually dating this guy and what you are doing, which sounds more dating than FWB. Are you open to actually dating him? I always thought of FWB as more like late night hook ups when drunk/horny than hanging out and getting dinner and doing the friends thing. Not a critique at all, just wondering because I am nosy and have been in a relationship for three years ha and when me and my boyfriend started as solely FWB that is what it was, like drunk sexting/hooking up/when we were horny hooking up late night and when we progressed to dating dating is when we started to hang out/get dinner/go out around each other’s friends.
I guess I consider the just drunken hookups to be a fuck buddy more than FWB? In my mind a FWB has a friendship component. Our dates are us usually hanging out at a bar, so to me it isn’t romantic. For me it’s easy to keep it separate than a relationship because I don’t see long term potential. We want very different things in the long run, but short term we’re compatible. I’m not ready for a long term relationship at the moment, but I still want to have sex. So this meets that need while I work on my own stuff emotionally. Plus this guy is pretty open minded sexually, so I might get to cross a lot of things off my bucket list!
That’s so interesting kare. With hanging out with someone like that, I don’t know if I could just be friends. I’d probably develop feelings and want more. I think it’s awesome that you can hang out with someone and not want more.
Well implicit in the ‘Fwb’ is ‘friends’, maybe it would be better if we could all keep the emphasis on that rather than the benefits? I don’t know, it sounds great – if you can keep it as platonic on both sides.
So I’ve been texting with the Lion Tamer most of the morning…he seems really energetic and very fun, but not quite picking up on my humor 100% of the time. To be fair, we haven’t met in person yet and I’m really sarcastic/quippy, so I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt for now.
He moved our dinner up a few hours earlier, which is fine by me because I’m in NC and there’s a storm a’comin. I am excited to meet him, though history tells me not to get my hopes up. I’ll report back!
I didn’t like texting a lot before a first date… not getting the humor is one reason, another is you could develop an attachment and find out there’s no attraction in person, another is they might start veering into sexy territory before I want to… I think there are more but those are the ones that come to mind.
My husband uses this “wink” thing, not an emoticon, but the actual word “wink” a lot in texts and social media, and also has kind of weird spelling and grammar and punctuation, and I think that would have turned me off if we texted a lot before we met, but now that I know him, it’s fine.
Yeah, basically I’ve been doing this long enough now (meeting guys off OKCupid, that is) that if we’ve progressed enough to the actual going-on-a-date stage I give them the benefit of the doubt until we meet in person if it’s little stuff like not getting my humor from a text. If he veered into sexy territory right away, that would be a no-go, but then I figure I would want to know that anyway before meeting in person.
I’m the type of person who does want to meet pretty quickly, but I still like to exchange a few messages first to make sure it’s worth both of our whiles. Lion Tamer & I gave each other our phone #s because we’re under a hurricane state of emergency here in NC and while my area isn’t near the coast, I wanted to be able to cancel/postpone easily if it floods.
He seems cool though so far 🙂
Kate – yes. I totally agree about things like that potentially turning me off. A and I texted a lot in the beginning and I remember feeling relieved that he texted the way I do – correct spelling, grammar, no shortcuts, etc. Not that it’s a deal breaker, but I am just anal about things like that. I have a friend that is a terrible speller, which is fine. But it irks me to no end when she constantly misspells people’s names. Like, seriously? Put some effort into remembering how people spell their names, girl!
Fourth date tonight. And I am not sure. We made out a bit, but it was a bit, meh… I mean, I had never really done that before, so it could be inexperience, but the whole experience was just… ugh. I’m not sure I like kissing after that.
Also, Kare, thanks for the clarification. I’m not sure why I didn’t notice your response earlier though!
@Lianne I am not looking for a ltr right now. I am definitely in the mind set of casual, fun and non-committed. So although I am “dating” these guys a lot of stuff is missing and or rushed. Like the physical intimacy is developed much quicker then when I am seriously dating. And although it is a FWB, I probably wouldn’t date them seriously for a variety of reasons. I am a little less picky right now then when I am dating.
I don’t see anything more serious happening between the final man that I have my FWB with. I am looking specifically for a monogamous FWB right now, and some might say ‘oh that sounds like a relationship.’ But in my mind it isn’t because the emotional connection has not been or will intentionally be developed by me or the partner. If it happens I would have to see how I feel and whether I am ready to seriously date, and whether I even like that person enough or see something developing.
And my potential FWB is also really open, hello kinky! So gonna be checking some things off my sex list too haha
