DW Community Catch-up Thread
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If $5 makes or breaks you then you should have one less beer while paying for your date’s single beer. Agreed with everyone else. Proceed with caution – he may get over his nervousness/timidness, but maybe not.
I could kind of see how it might just slip his mind. I am awkward a lot and find that I didn’t understand the etiquette of a situation. But taken altogether with the Melting Pot thing is kind of weird. I find that probably odder just because it’s one thing to talk to other people for advice, but the idea is that you eventually talk to the person involved. To have talked about it with everyone (still unclear whether it was advice or he was bitching about it) and only talk with you when you brought it up, and then tell you that he was talking to everyone else is very strange. Like if you hadn’t brought it up, what would he have done? Gone along with it? Just canceled? Complained to his friends?
I think a conversation that you could have would be just getting on the same page about money on dates. I do think if someone sat me down after a few dates and was like, you should have paid for my drink, and it was that one incident they were referring to, I would be kind of put off.
Ugh y’all, why does it always have to be something? Lion Tamer is really sweet, very cute, we have the same values, life goals, etc, and continues to ask me out and has said he likes me and continues to pursue me. I know $5 isn’t a hill to die on, but I do see it being symptom of a larger perhaps incompatibility in lifestyles. Or a miscommunication. If I told him that it hurt my feelings that he didn’t offer to get my drink when I went out of my way to spend time with him…he would probably be mortified.
To be fair, I get really nervous parallel parking downtown and when I got to the bar I couldn’t find a place to park, so I called him and he came out and parked my car for me. That was nice.
Last spring I went on a few dates with a guy that was new to town and he paid for our first date. Awesome. I knew he’d just started his new job and hadn’t gotten paid yet so I suggest a very reasonable restaurant for our next date and he offered to pay (i had planned on paying). But he got kinda weirder after that and agreed to dates, but “only if you can pay,” which I guess was okay, more than happy to pay for myself, but he meant him too. Okay, so I did. And the whole money thing was just weird after a while. Like, he didn’t have much. So i would suggest things like dog walks – totally free. But then he’d want to go get a beer afterward – not free.
He was weird. That was only a handful of dates before i got sick of that
I’ve gotten into this place where I don’t drive for dates haha. Driving makes me very anxious, and I cannot parallel park to save my life. Which is why I live downtown – my car stays in the garage 6/7 days of the week. I uber everywhere though.
I once dated a guy casually for about a month who wanted me to pay his rent. He texted me that he was so worried he wouldn’t make rent and brought it up in every conversation. I told him “better get a second job to cover it”. Psh..I have an addict brother, it takes a lot for me to feel moved by anyone’s sob story.
Did I mention I might have a hangout thing Saturday? Friday I’m supposed to do goth night with my FWB, and Saturday I’m supposed to catch up with this cute guy I met two years ago. We’ve sporadically stayed in touch we have never been single at the same time. I’m just kind of playing it by ear right now, but we might also smoke. (Which would be a nice anxiety reliever after this week.)
When you say that $5 isn’t a hill to die on I think you’re looking at it from the wrong angle. It’s troublesome precisely because the amount is so small. It’s not that $5 put you out or something, it’s that for that amount it’s even more ridiculous he didn’t at least offer to pay. And honestly that combined with his mini freak out over the Melting Pot would turn me off.
So, now you know, this is information that you have. It’s either a dealbreaker at this point or it’s not, and for you it sounds like it’s not (yet). So, file it away, and move forward. If he shows more troublesome behaviors later you’ll know what to do, but no need to worry yourself too much now. People eventually, always reveal themselves for who they truly are. You don’t have enough info right now to make a big decision either way and that’s fine. When you do, you can decide then whether he’s worth seeing.
And please keep repeating the mantra- do I like this guy? do I like this guy?? Do not focus on whether he likes you, focus on whether you like him. It should be obvious if he likes you.
I know he’s got a vacation and is saving now…but if this was his attitude always about money, I’d MOA.
I’ve been lurking on this thread awhile, but I do wanna say, LadyE, that everything about Lion Tamer screams avoidant…and that’s not good for a relationship. It’s been a few dates and no kiss. He was avoidant about discussing not wanting to go to the Melting Pot and only did so because you brought it up. He’s avoidant about discussing his financial situation, especially if he didn’t pay for your $5 beer. I don’t even think it’s as rude as others here do, but it’s definitely weird. Some people request separate checks without thinking much about it, and maybe he felt awkward after the fact and didn’t bring it up. Who knows. It’s definitely weird. But what I’m really seeing here is him being avoidant. While what you see is different from what we can see/read on an Internet forum, I would be cautious about seeing things with rose colored glasses. Make sure you’re still seeing the big picture.
I just read this to my husband at dinner and he wanted to grab my phone and comment that he sees 5 warning signs here: 1) trivia, 2) going alone to trivia, 3) didn’t have $5 for you, 4) hasn’t kissed you yet, third date, 5) using a groupon before marriage.
Sorry, I’m not saying I agree with all of it, but he’s passionate about his viewpoint.
LadyE, I agree with a mix of things here. Many things he could get the benefit of the doubt — he was used to saying separate bills so he got it separate; finances are a personal thing with someone you’ve only met twice; you both may give off the vibe of taking things slowly which explains no kiss. I like that he parallel parked for you (because that is one of my gripes with driving)! But on the flip side, I think it was inconsiderate that he didn’t offer to pay since you drove to trivia to accompany HIM! And did he know it’d be “adult trivia” [given the context between you two]? So there are flags, just up to you when they add up to be a deal breaker.
Stone, glad you came to that decision. Shitty response from that one guy, but who needs him, ha.
