DW Community Catch-up Thread
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Mmhmm I realize that nothing good happens after 2 AM. I guess I’m more amused than offended since he’s so far away (and yeah, not good for a booty call either at that).
All the best, LadyE. You seem to have a good handle on things. I hope you don’t get hurt and that this works out.
@MissDre, chiming in that it doesn’t hurt to go out one more time. Try to go in with as an open mind as possible though as it’s easy to let your first date/hesitation cloud the second date and it’s even more likely you won’t find yourself attracted to him.Yeah, veracity, maybe I’m judgey too but I’d question why he’s thinking of sharing a hotel room after one date. What’s the context (are you going on a trip together?)?
Wow lots to take in!!
@TheLadyE I’m glad you feel like things are going well, but I have to say in with others in that this just feels off. It’s a kiss. And like Anonnymousse said, physical intimacy is just as important as emotional. I also think exclusivity after such a short time AND with no idea of your physical connection is a lot to ask. But I do hope we are all wrong and this turns into something great.@vercityb I think we all need more details on the context of the hotel invitation. I’m not sure what to think about it without knowing details.
@missdre I hate to say it, but it seems to me like you’re obsessing over this guy who you don’t even think you like. I think you might want to think long and hard about your break from men and whether you should reinforce it.@Lianne thanks for the feedback. I’m definitely not obsessing over him. Couldn’t care less if I ever heard from him again and I am also thinking I want to stick to my break. But I know my two best friends have my best interests at heart so I’m trying to look objectively at their advice to give it another shot.
I think mostly what it comes down to is that I still don’t trust my own instincts.
I agree with Lianne, Missdre.
Maybe this is a good indicator that you really do need a break, even from casual dates.
I don’t think you should go on another date if you could care less if you ever see someone again. I think there’s definitely a happy place in between what you are feeling now, and being infatuated too early. I don’t think you should be super excited after a first date but no excitement doesn’t sound good, either.
Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity, yet that doesn’t mean you have to suddenly do something completely opposite and hoping that works.No need to be too paranoid and stop dating on some preconceived notions.
MissDre, do go out with the dentist again. He seems to be fine from what you are saying. May be it will click next time.
The LadyE, do go out a few more times with your beau. You will have a better handle on him then.
Hey peeps!
My coffee date yesterday was very nice. No sparks flew or anything, but he was a very nice, sweet man. We talked mostly about him and his life (he’s from another country and has worked his way up to getting to where he is), and it was a nice, intelligent conversation. It was about an hour and 45 minutes long, and we parted when I told him I had to get going since I had plans (which I didn’t have, but I needed an out and we’d been there for awhile). He was a very sweet, down to earth person, and it was really nice to talk to him. And that was that! So, I guess you could say it was a good date, although I have no plans to see him again.
So guys, the context was that he approached me on okcupid, but he’s currently living in another city as an emerging academic. We had a brief banter, he mentioned being in my city on Saturday (volunteering at a book fair) and suggested meeting. We met up early eve for drinks, and it becomes clear that he’s a super reserved kind of guy. He’s got strong ethics (eg vegan) and we have life values and deep thinking in common but I’m not hugely attracted to him, and part of that reason is that I don’t want to date severe introverts anymore. Anyhow, somehow we end up kissing, and they’re pretty heated kisses, cos kissing is fun. And he hints at taking it further. Apart from not wanting to have sex at the moment (I don’t feel ready being out of a relationship 3 months ago) I can’t have him round mine. Plus, I do think it’s too soon. So I say I’m not keen, but we kiss some more, and he mentions it a couple more times. But, it’s like he’s suggesting a hostel too. For a first time? Errm..no thanks!
But this guy aside – I’m not hugely bothered by him per se to be honest – another guy met me for half an hour for a quick coffee (Italian, maybe that explains a lot) and was telling me how much he liked me (you barely know me, wot?) and was keen on meeting more, but was explicitly putting the possibility of sex in the future on the table, even when I told him it was off the cards for me at the moment.
So..shrug..guys will be guys?
I just want fun, light dates, maybe a bit of kissing, but low pressure and low expectations of it becoming anything serious at the moment. I don’t have the head space for anything more. But it feels like sex is always early on the table. I’ve been asked to be a fwb a couple of times straight up (this Italian also suggested it when I said I didn’t have much time for a relationship at the moment, telling me he had a lot of “benefits” for me, ew).
..I just realised I need a Lion Tamer at the moment, lol.
@TheLadyE, I’m wondering what you have in your profile or answers to the OKC questions that might make guys think you’re a “safe chick” if that’s what they’re looking for. This guy was clearly surprised and taken aback when you said you wanted him to kiss you. It wasn’t what he expected, which in itself is weird because why wouldn’t he? How long would he go on with the status quo if you didn’t bring it up… 3 months?
Anyway, after the shock, he threw up a bunch of different kinds of fear. You were suddenly not “safe” anymore. If it’s just his policy to not kiss until he’s exclusive, why didn’t he just tell you that or say it in his profile? He brought up some other fears or excuses first though.
Did he have reason to think you are “safe?” The last guy was getting that vibe from you too and enjoyed 3 or 4 months of your company without having to get intimate.
@veracityb I would not see either of those two guys again. You clearly told them both sex was off the table and yet they pushed it. That is a major turn off to me. When my husband and I were dating, during our first sleepover, he thought our heavy duty make out session was turning into sex. When it was clear to me that’s what he thought I told him no I’m not ready yet and he shut it down. No questions asked, no hurt feelings. That’s the appropriate response. And we were already half naked in bed! So, MOA – what you’re describing as what you are looking for is out there. These guys aren’t it.
@missdre the fact that you are on here still asking us about him is an obsession. Just because the obsession isn’t that you’re infatuated with him, doesn’t mean it’s any less an obsession. I just think you really need this break.Wow… I MISSED A LOT over the weekend.
LadyE: I agree with others. It seems like he’s throwing in excuse after excuse after excuse. Something would not sit right with me, but if you feel the need to explore this further, do so, but with extreme caution. Don’t let him rope you in with his tales of woe only to hurt you even more than you already have been hurt.
MissDre: I honestly wouldn’t go out with him again. If you’re not feeling it, you’re not feeling it. Most men I know won’t waste time on a second date if it’s not there on the first date. Why should you? I think your friends are being silly.
I need to the other side threads, as I was getting too confused with all the fun stories!
Things are still moving along nicely with the guy, yes, that guy, the boyfriend I suppose. I will use that word now in extreme circumstances.
