BF's Neighborhood – NOT PC
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“incidents like this make up systemic racism”
wait, veracityb, are you saying that there is systematic racism against white people because that’s just false. And saying “white boys going to the club” “white people didn’t park right” is AGGRESSIVE and THREATENING? Seriously? It actually sounds innocuous to me, I get identical comment likes this in Rogers Park, Chicago sometimes and it always comes across as harmless ribbing to me. But even if it is taken as exclusionary, it certainly is not so threatening that it evinces a likelihood that people are going to commit crimes against you because your white. That’s just absurd. Those comments don’t indicate criminality. You and mimosa have no legitimate basis to believe that because a few times her boyfriend’s race was pointed out he is going to be criminally victimized because of his race.
Racism is simple bias or prejudice against someone in the basis of a racial characteristic. Are some racism worse than others when taken on a deadly scale like white people against black? Hell yes. Doesn’t mean that the reverse is not racism just because it isn’t as deadly; that is simply the function of power. Racism is seeing a divide and enforcing it with language / actions and just because you see it as ribbing does not mean in other situations it is not threatening.
You simply cannot tell people of their experience is racism or prejudice is legitimate or not on the basis of your own experience. That is patronising to the extreme.
Oh and @Mimosa, since the majority has not actually answered your question and has decided to chastise you instead for your “racist” ways:
I don’t think you can really do much other than maybe talk to him about news in his neighborhood and hope for the best. At the very least, it raises his awareness but also doesn’t directly tell him “hey lock your door” for example.
A lot of people answered her question. The problem is there is no actual advice on how to make him act like she would prefer. He’s an adult and gets to make his own choices.
FFS, I can’t believe I waded through this ignorant forum. The only people talking any sense about race and racism are Cleopatra Jones and Absurd Fiction.
And for what it’s worth, “PC” is bullshit. You know what politically correct means? It means treating people with respect.
Neil Gaiman sums it up best:
“I was reading a book (about interjections, oddly enough) yesterday which included the phrase “In these days of political correctness…” talking about no longer making jokes that denigrated people for their culture or for the colour of their skin. And I thought, “That’s not actually anything to do with ‘political correctness’. That’s just treating other people with respect.”Which made me oddly happy. I started imagining a world in which we replaced the phrase “politically correct” wherever we could with “treating other people with respect”, and it made me smile.
You should try it. It’s peculiarly enlightening.”
@mimosa I understand the anxiety you have regarding the safety of your boyfriend because I am a super anxious person who constantly fears for those around her. There was a time when I was dating my first boyfriend I would make him check in with me when he got home and if he didn’t call within like 5 minutes of how long I knew it should take to get home I would lose my shit and call and call and text and it was bad. I was also 18– in the years since I have learned sometimes you have to just let go and trust someone as the adult they are to make the best decisions. In the end, no amount of nagging you can do is going to make a lick of difference to how your boyfriend acts, in reality its just going to make him stop telling you when he does things you wouldn’t’ “approve” of and that is going to suck because it brings a layer of doubt and mistrust to a relationship which you don’t want. I went to therapy to deal with some of this anxiety and would definitely recommend that approach because it is a really shitty way to live always fearing and being anxious, so you do have my empathy there.
And I really don’t want to touch on the race aspect of this but I can’t not put this here. Please everyone who is confused, look at the definition of racism:
rac·ism
ˈrāˌsizəm/Submit
noun
the belief that all members of each race possess characteristics or abilities specific to that race, especially so as to distinguish it as inferior or superior to another race or races.
prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against someone of a different race based on the belief that one’s own race is superior.What people on here are saying about this neighborhood being dangerous because of the race of people-like this is an implied thing (white people areas are just naturally better/more safe and black people areas are obviously full of crime because, black) IS a racist way of thinking and continues to perpetuate stereotypes against black people and perpetuates all of the issues that continue to exist with the systemic racism in our country.
Things that do not classify as racism by this definition– calling out a white person as a white person, please this is is no way, shape or form racism. Yeah maybe this could be construed as threatening or scare someone or as “othering” in some sense but it is not an example of racism or reverse racism (which doesn’t really exist–type this in to google and a lot of great articles on why this isn’t a thing will pop up).
@muchacha great post! (as usual 🙂 )
One of my favourite things to hate is white people saying something isn’t racist or offensive. Um seriously?
Like the rascal said above, this has to do with respect. And app. mimosa doesn’t respect her BFs neighbours. /And she doesn’t respect her BF, to understand he doesn’t need a mommy.
So, personally I consider the topic of racism as pretty complex, and not something that can be summed up in a pithy definition. If it were that simple there wouldn’t be huge books or study in the area, cos we could simply apply that definition to say “yes, this is racist” and “no, this is not racist”.
As I understand it racism is prejudice plus power – the power to do something about the prejudice. And power isn’t that well understood – it isn’t just top down, there can be personal power dynamics going on that feed into the greater social system, or there can be one off firing of a momentary, personal display of power by threatening to perpetuate violence on others (or making them fear the possibility of it) based on race. And mim0sa is fearing the latter b/c of efforts to “other” her. Would you say if a majority race person was beaten up by a gang of minority races purely based on his race that he hasn’t suffered from racism? Even if those instances are a lot less likely to happen than the other way round? The point is, all prejudice or negative behavior towards someone based on a perceived characteristic they have is shitty. And just because you don’t have the over-arching power of numbers doesn’t make it any less qualified to be called the same thing.
To be clear, my points are to do with her perception of what is happening to her, which people are seeking to minimize. I have not addressed her comments on the area being a “bad neighbourhood” based on race, and would agree that comments like those or the underlying attitudes behind them are problematic too. People are complex, and can be both perpetuators and victims of racially-based negative behavior.
The comments made to her/about her are pretty innocuous. And from my reading, could not even be about her or her BF. “You don’t go to school here, do you?” “White people can’t park.”
Yes but we are all reading it from the lens of our own experiences with race-related remarks. I can identify with her discomfort because I have experienced a similar scenario where the intention was meant to cause me to feel like an outsider, which for me, was a hostile move.
You can’t tell from words alone what the situation was, but I am inclined to believe that most people know when a remark is meant to be friendly or made in a less-than friendly manner.
*shrug* It just seems like to me that people are determined to disbelieve/minimise this aspect of her story because they’ve decided that she holds racist views herself (ie. if you’ve exhibited racist behaviours yourself you can’t have experienced it – lol wot). It’s nonsensical, and objectionable. And we will never really know anyhow, because after all, reality is perception.
