Realistically the man is nearly 60. His time for meaningful family has sailed, he is too old to be starting with babies that he probably won’t see through adulthood. It’s all well and good to talk about choice and whatnot but if you want a father for your children raising them with you without the infirmity of age getting in the way him being young at heart doesn’t change anything.

Secondly: you keep saying you don’t want to change him then intimate all the ways you want him to change. Mate stop trying to make fetch happen. He says all the right things to keep you on the hook but he hasn’t actually altered anything and he won’t. I don’t blame him, his life sounds awesome. You seem nice and level headed but no matter how great this guy is you’re trying to fit a square peg into a round hole

Girl – this man is 50 years old. He’s living the life that he wants and has been a long time.

If you want somebody who’s going to be around more often and who will give you the emotional and physical intimacy that you want, there’s nothing wrong with that, but you’re not going to get that from this dude.

As I already stated, I don’t there’s anything wrong with the life choices he’s made either, but you two do not sound compatible. Maybe you’re 80% of the way there with him, but that’s not enough.

You’re young, go find someone who satisfies all of your emotional needs.

Although it’s a pleasant change from those asking for advice who attack the commenters when they hear something that they don’t like, I’m finding your relentlessly upbeat attitude a little disconcerting, especially when most of the people commenting are being negative (not so much about you, but certainly about the chances of this working out). It makes me worry that even though you say you get it, you really don’t, or at least you don’t want to admit it. (“Oh well, it will either be champagne or tears” makes it sound like it’s no big deal either way. But I suspect that it really is.) I’m just wondering if you really know which answers will bring on the champagne and which the tears, and what they mean.

It seems like you don’t want to simply have him support you and fly around the world with him but you want to develop your own career (and good for you I would say) and this means that you will have limitations as to where you can go and how much free time you will have. So there are really two questions here not one. One question is whether he sees you as a long term life partner or just a person to share some of his fun with for a period of time. (This is not the same as how much he cares about you. He could care about you a lot, and still feel, or know, that being with you isn’t something he would like long term.) The second question is even if he would like to be with you long term, is he willing to drastically change his lifestyle in order to be with you? (The fact that he apparently pursued you – unlike, say, Rene Angelil and Celine Dionne, who I was thinking about when I read your full story – and even though he ought to have known that being with you long term meant changing his lifestyle, he hasn’t yet made any changes, doesn’t bode well.) You guys could both want to be with each other long term, but if you both want to pursue lifestyles that interfere with each other, either one of you is going to have to give up your goals or you are going to have to get used to a lot of time apart. since a compromise here would still involve him taking a lot of trips by himself, just not as many.

I presume the “champagne” answer for you would be “yes, of course, I want to be with you for the long haul and to do that I will give up my jet-setting lifestyle and stay in one place with you.” and I just don’t see that happening, or, if it does, it will be because he is making a real sacrifice, and, if you love him, do you really want him to give up his dream life? It would be like him asking you to give up your own career, and how would you feel about being asked to do that? I’m just not sure that you get that the champagne answer would involve him agreeing, “It’s time I settled down, and started staying in one place.” and he shows absolutely zero sign of wanting to do that.

On the other hand, the “tears” answer would presumably be the answer that everyone here is predicting, which is, “I like things the way they are.” You need to consider what you are going to do in that event once you finish crying. You will have to decide whether to break up with him or accept things the way they are. You do realize that right?

Thanks, everyone. I love this column. Logging in and seeing these helpful messages is fantastic. You all are so kind to take the time to weigh-in.

Put simply: We are officially boyfriend and girlfriend. In a committed relationship. I don’t have kids. He doesn’t have kids. Heck, he’s never even had a pet! I was married before for a few years to a very sweet, unmotivated man. Our split was mutual and we are still great friends. Truly. My ex-husband is a sweetheart, just more of a Kevin Federline.

My ex-husband knew the unique bond between me and my current boyfriend, so no shocker there. And he knew how much I always admired his drive to succeed and live an exciting lifestyle. As individuals, we each make magic happen. He just has a more flexible schedule.

It is what it is. We can’t help what year we were born. A lot of things about him drive me nuts. He’s super ADD and meticulous, yada yada, but I can’t help but adore him. We’ll just have to find out if we are supposed to be together. And, if we did part ways, I would take a clean break and start fresh. I wouldn’t feel comfortable going back to being friends. Too painful.

To be completely honest. I think I’m just further along the path than my boyfriend, and he will have to decide if he sees this progressing further. It’s not a race, but if he can close his eyes and not see me hanging out with him this summer, it might as well end now.

I love him. He is pure magic. He makes me die of laugher. I love his free spirit and wisdom. I have cared for him forever. I’d walk through the desert to hand him a bottle of water. I love him, plain and simple. I promise you, I don’t want to change his life. No one wishes that on someone they care for. I would absolutely alter my work schedule if I had more of a commitment from him — alter it to take on chunked out media projects to save up time to travel. If he saw me in his future, I would make that happen. Of course. Why adapt to my schedule of being home? It would be fantastic, exotic and there isn’t much I enjoy more in the world than my creative endeavors, time with my guy and traveling.

I am not looking to settle down and have kids. Nope. My ex-husband was pretty much my child. HA! I paid for every bill, planned every event and did all the heavy lifting.

While this seems heavy now, I have never felt lighter. I just sort of hit the wall the other day and wanted to get some outside advice. All of our friends and family close to the subject say the same things, “he cares about you. He’s learning. You guys are great.” But it’s not so perfect without knowing his deal.

(At this point, I should be sending this correspondence to him and let you nice people put your feet up and crack a beer).

My boyfriend runs companies alone. Has lived alone for decades. Hasn’t had an official girlfriend since about 4 President’s ago. He’s set in his ways. He’s stubborn. He isn’t used to bending to accommodate others in day-to-day dealings. I get it. I know. He’s older. This all sounds like a bad Nicholas Sparks movie. It’ll never work. It’s a risk. I know. I knew that when we started dating. But, in life, sometimes you just have to jump out of the plane and pull the ripcord and hope for a decent landing. I’m young, have everything going for me, and have proved to myself in the past year so many things — all positive. My ability to love, be flexible, be patient and kind, etc. are qualities that I’ve always had and will always have. He has been following my lead on those characteristics but is as slow as a turtle.

I think I — with the help of all you fine folks — am answering my own questions. We can probably save our typing skills and wait for my chat with him to take place. He’s either in or out, and both are going to leave us as wonderful, amazing people. Hurt, and he has told me months ago that it would be really had if we weren’t together. But, I do wonder. The thought of losing him to his own stubbornness is heartbreaking, but the thought of staying in a relationship that doesn’t have a future isn’t an option.

Sit back and relax folks, in an odd way, you all have given me strength and laughter. And in life, telling someone you care about them and love them is what the world needs right now. Take it or leave it, but a lot more of this needs to be going around.

Ron, I’ve lived it. I’m living it. It all sounds ridiculous to even myself when I read it sometimes, but it’s all true. There are millions of guys in the world. I’m young. I know. Absurd to like an older man set in his ways. He is fabulous, obviously is protective of his heart, is stubborn and hot/cold sometimes, but it is what it is. You all are really nice to say “hello.” How did we get down this rabbit hole? I’ve been asking myself that for nearly two decades.