Brother and his Girlfriend staying at my house
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consider this a lesson going forward. If you have house rules you need to make them clear and get buy-in beforehand.
I don’t doubt that your brother knows your feelings, but it’s also pretty clear that he wants to bang his girlfriend while she’s visiting. You’re entitled to your rules but (especially if people have an incentive to weasel out of them) you need to make them clear and get agreement beforehand.
My parents, who aren’t especially conservative on sexual matters, nonetheless insisted that my 30 year old then-girlfriend sleep in a separate room while visiting so your conditions are hardly that unusual.
Yes there is the issue that the older brother is disrespecting his younger brother and his sister in law in their home.
And maybe when self righteous gay assholes quit belittling religion people will fight for their beliefs as well. BGM climb out of your bunker and play nice and the non-assholes will too, keep being an ass to everyone and I’m sure it’s going to get you what you have always gotten!
Yeah, Dave, what everyone was saying was the right advice, and I think you should pick one of those scripts and use it. If you don’t, he’s going to want to stay with you again at some point in the future, and if you haven’t set the stage that the house rules are the house rules, it’s going to be more difficult for you. Either you’ll have to say no, which is going to be really hard to do if you didn’t try to enforce the rules the first time, or this same scenario is going to play out again. You’re coming across as way too passive doormat here.
And yes, while “doormat” isn’t a word I’ve heard used before in this context, this wouldn’t be the first time I’ve been called a push-over.
You should have explicitly stated the rules before agreeing to house them. If you bring it up now, all they’re going to do is sleep in separate rooms then one is going to sneak over to the other’s room and bang then sneak back. Another option would be kicking one of them out, but then you’ll definitely harm your relationship with your brother. So I guess it’s up to you to decide if it’s worth it.
I agree they’ll probably sneak around and do it anyway, but at least they’ll give the appearance of complying, which is what they should do out of respect for your home.
I think you missed the perfect opportunity by not saying anything right when it started. When you saw him walking toward her room, suitcase in hand, that was the time to push back. Nipping things in the bud is much easier than waiting for a bigger confrontation later.
Anyways, I don’t really see this as a religious issue at all. You are entitled to have whatever rules you want in your own home, and someone staying there as your guest should feel free to stay somewhere else if they don’t like it. Your generosity is allowed to have limits. If your rule was “shoes off at the front door” or “don’t feed my dog table scraps” it would be the same advice. But, if someone fed your dog table scraps at dinner and you didn’t say anything, why would they think anything of doing it at breakfast, too?
For this time, pull him aside and tell him that he needs to sleep in the room you set up for him because those are the rules of your house.
For NEXT time this or any other unmarried couple visits, make sure you are explicit about your household rule when you make plans for them to visit– that way if they don’t like it, they can make other arrangements.I don’t think that you are a pushover. A certain amount of prudent conflict avoidance is often the wiser course when dealing with issues of religion, romance, and family, let alone all three and it’s clear that you care about your brother and don’t want to fight with him. But if this issue is important to you, unfortunately you will need to be clear about it from the beginning.
Since you didn’t speak up when he took his suitcase to his girlfriend’s room (and maybe he’s bad at picking up clues when you did so), do as others have stated. And since I doubt he’s a mind-reader, you will need to pull him aside and present it to him as a united front, “I’m sorry we weren’t clearer when you arrived, but we need you to sleep in the room we prepared for you.” If he gives you any pushback, reply, “That won’t work for us.” He can certainly have time with his girlfriend during non-sleeping hours.
Don’t let his anger/disappointment/argument weaken your resolve. This can be a learning lesson to exert YOUR wants and needs in YOUR home. Good luck.
