“Can I Ask My Massage Client What He Feels For Me?”
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From a LW:
“I am massage therapist and I have had this specific client for FIVE months now. He is a very kind and respectful towards me. Some time back, he hugged me and I hugged him back because he had just lost his mum, although as time went by, I have started developing feelings towards him and I don’t know what to do.
The last appointment I had with him we had a really lengthy chat where we both shared a lot about ourselves and he was really interested in knowing more about me that he requested to send me a gift for my birthday.
N/B we are both not married and he never mentioned having a girlfriend. Is it ok if I ask him what he feels towards me?”I wouldn’t do it. At least not as long as he’s your client. This man isn’t seeing you to get a date, he’s doing it to get a massage. Bringing your personal feelings into it crosses all sorts of professional boundaries. Plus, even if he is into you (and, frankly, none of that really sounds like he is to me, but I’m an Old Married Lady at this point, so what do I know), you don’t want to date a client. Even if it doesn’t break professional ethics rules, it’s just a recipe for a disaster. If you really must see what this guy feels for you, then the only way you can do it is to stop being his massage therapist and refer him to someone else. (And, honestly, if he’s not into you and you bring this up, he will probably find a new therapist anyway because he will be very uncomfortable in a massage setting with you after that.)
This is the second letter I can recall on this site about a massage therapist wanting to date a client, so I guess this is a thing.
Anyway, don’t do it. Odds are high that he is only being friendly to you, someone who provides him with a service on a regular-ish basis and is friendly to him. It’d be uncomfortable, unprofessional, and you’d risk losing your job/this income. It’s not worth it. I agree that if you really must see if he reciprocates feelings, you cannot do so while he is a client.
If you are single and looking, check out the dating sites and apps. Keep an eye open for singles events near you.
I think it’s unprofessional and inappropriate to do something like that.
It’s also rude to put someone on the spot who came to you for a paid wellness treatment on the spot like that and ask him how he feels about you.
The only ethical way to go about this, imo, is to tell him you’ve developed feelings for him so you don’t think it’s a good idea to be his massage therapist going forward and refer him to someone else, but he knows where to reach you if he’d like to get together sometime. Probably text is a good way to communicate this.
