Can someone help me?
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Emotions getting out of hand is the symptom, not the problem. The problem is that you loathe your boyfriend’s child, in a way that’s frankly unhealthy.
If you think you’re going to “win” here, and make him choose you over his child, you’re sadly mistaken. It’s only a matter of time before he does the right thing for his family and breaks up with you.
Kate, you might be right, but I’m going to try to be optimistic. It’s not like we have a lot of options at our age. And believe it or not, we really did have a pretty solid relationship before all this drama unfolded.
Unless you have been in this situation, you have no idea how powerless it can make you feel. I would be the last person to criticize anyone going through this same situation. I’m not proud of my actions. And I have learned many valuable lessons.
Namely, DO NOT SAY ANYTHING NEGATIVE ABOUT YOUR PARTNER’S KIDS. EVER. Smile, grit your teeth, bite your tongue. But NEVER point out the obvious. Because if you do you will pay dearly.
Essie, he’s over his kid already. He told me he left her a voicemail and told her that if that’s how she feels than he can accept her decision. Like I said, good riddance.
He’s not “over” his youngest child cutting him off. Do you really believe that? And if you do, what does that say about him? And you?
It would be one thing if there was one negative aspect of the relationship to resolve, but there’s a lot of problems and I don’t know how these could really be resolved.
I think it’s a bad idea to date anyone when you loathe their child and hate the type of relationship they choose to have and how they parent. I assume that you’re blaming the fact that you think she’s manipulative and spoiled solely on her mom, but if your boyfriend truly does spoil his daughter with lots of material things and gives in whenever she has a tantrum, then he’s enabling this behavior. Her behavior is a result of BOTH of her parents. She didn’t just spring from the ground as a “brat.” He played a hand in making her that way. I would never date someone if I had such a fundamental disagreement with how they parent. That’s not something you can just change. It’s not like a guy who dresses sloppily and you think over time you can make them more stylish.
I also think it’s very misguided for you to think that your situation where he grabbed your head violently is so unique that it’s OK for you to stay with him because it was isolated and he’s a “good man.” Every abusive relationship starts off like that. A good person doesn’t do that. You act like it’s anybody would just respond to stress that way. They don’t. And the fact that you can’t control yourself either is a problem. One violent person is bad enough, but two are a recipe for disaster. I also think that if your relationship has gotten to the point where you two can’t communicate well enough to preclude yourselves from hurting each other, that it’s over.
The other issue is that you’ve learned that when he’s under pressure, he snaps, pushes you away, etc. A lot of things may happen in your life while with him that stress you both out. Do you really want to fall into this pattern where you two act like you hate each other anytime he’s stressed?
Finally, anyone whose response to their partner’s kid cutting them off is “good riddance” must not actually have their partner’s best interests at heart. It’s incredibly selfish. Nobody wants their kid to cut them off, no matter how obnoxious their girlfriend thinks she is.
Also adding you need to both be going to,domestic violence classes along with the anger management. And maybe even AA classes. Probably look into coybseling for yourself since you so jealous over your boyfriends adult child.
I feel really badly for the 19 year old. A fucked-up father with an equally fucked-up girlfriend. Birds of a feather really do flock together.
LW an ex-boyfriend of mine smacked me a year into our relationship. No warning signs. He had never so much as raised his voice. I left after the first time it happened. Never looked back. That’s how I avoided an abusive relationship. You can do the same.
Dump him and get therapy for your own issues. If I read correctly,you are also violent. You need to fix that too,before dating anyone else.
All I know is what he told me. Maybe her father finally reached his limit. What does that say about him? That he finally grew a pair.
Yes, I agree. Her father’s played a major part in her personality development. She is his and his ex-wife’s masterpiece. She was only 6 when her mother divorced her father. So yeah, I felt sorry for her. At first. But not anymore.
Well it doesn’t sound like he’s going to dump his daughter,as he shouldn’t. And if he does,it says he should reproduce in the first place.
But since you feel this way,LW,I assume you wouldn’t feel brokenhearted if your own kids dumped you?
God, you are just disgusting.
She is a child. And you are a monster.
I hope he has grown a pair and realizes how horrible you are.
You caused this, not her. You did. You AND him.
“What does that say about him? That he finally grew a pair.”
No, if it were actually true that he’s over his youngest child lashing out and cutting him off, after a couple of weeks, and no longer cares, it would say that he’s an emotionless, cold, unnatural human being with some disturbing things going on inside. I don’t actually think it’s true, I think he’s covering up and burying his feelings. But the idea that you think it’s true that he’s just over it and doesn’t care suggests a lot of the same things about you.
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