Can someone help me?
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Dinoceros, he has two other daughters and they are both lovely young women. So maybe she WAS born that way. Also, she’s the one who discarded him.
I agree about the head grabbing. I know I sound so pathetic making excuses for his behavior (and mine). I’m not normally a violent person, and I don’t think he is either. Maybe these really WERE isolated incidents. I’ll just have to wait and see. At least now the major stressor is out of his life.
“I’ll just have to wait and see,” said every woman who was hospitalized and/or killed by an abuser.
And you don’t understand that different kids in a family – of different ages – may be affected differently by events?
I don’t know who’s worse. A woman who’s so cold-hearted and selfish that she drives a man’s daughter out of his life and thinks she’s had a triumph, or the man who lets her do it. The two of you deserve each other.
Of course he is brokenhearted over the recent turn of events, just as I would be if my kid turned out to be so toxic. It’s hard for parents (and partner’s) to face reality sometimes. He knows he is somewhat responsible, but for the most part I think he has been a loving and devoted father. Neither of his other two daughters harbor any bitterness towards him, not that I can tell. If he were a truly bad parent, wouldn’t they feel the same way as his youngest? We parents do the best we can but sometimes our best just isn’t enough.
I’m confused. How did I drive his daughter out of his life? I walked into this mess over two years ago. Cut me some slack.
Think I’ll go check out a step-parenting forum. I’m sure I’ll find some encouragement there.
Yes Kate, I do understand that each child is affected differently. What can I do about it? I tried being friendly towards the little princess, and she rejected me, just like she rejected her father. Perhaps her mother turned her against her father. It’s not unheard of. Who knows. Who Cares.
I appreciate your concern for my safety. I really do. I don’t think it’s going to happen again. If it does, you can say “I told you so!”
If you are not interested in his money and he has enough to support himself after giving is daughter a car and money for college, then you have no reason or right to butt into his child-rearing practices. Most fathers, who are financially able to, provide a substantial portion of their children’s college tuition/board. If that concept is alien to you, then that’s on you. It seems he hasn’t been nitpicking your relationship with your children.
A 19-year-old in college is not fa fully self-sufficient adult and still needs and typically receives financial support from her parents.
I strongly suspect that the daughter would happily trade the car for having a stable home life, rather than divorced parents at age 6, followed by a sociopath as a stepmother, followed by you, who thinks your bf loves her too much and spends too much on her. In his mind, a lot of that is reparations, at least the car. She hasn’t had an easy life. She’ll say she’s an adult, but from my perspective, and likely from her father’s, she’s still a child — at college, but several years from true independence. His job as a dad isn’t over yet. You shouldn’t encourage him to shirk his dad duties. That’s actually an awful thing to do.
Yes you are jealous of her. You said that you should come first with him. You are jealous of his love for her and the priority as her dad, which he is still giving her. That’s a particularly nasty form of jealousy. I’m not surprised his older children aren’t a problem. They are fully adult. His parenting job is finished, so he doesn’t have to focus as much upon them. He is always going to love them — a lot. It’s a different sort of love than for an SO, so you shouldn’t feel like you’re in a competition.
You will get zero fucking encouragement from a step parenting web-site. You people are horrible, horrible human beings. He is not somewhat responsible. He and his ex are solely responsible. And you welcomed it. Likely encouraged it. You two do deserve each other. Truly.
She’s not an adult. She’s still in school. As I mentioned earlier, she’s better off away from you people.
You’re just a gross person. Have fun being some geriatric loser’s punching bag.
Oh look, it’s my dad’s ex. Hi there!
Ugh but seriously I need a freakin’ shower. I just can’t with people like this, I really can’t. Why should anyone give you the slightest consideration when you’ve shown again and again that you’re only concerned with yourself? You’re going to end up sad and alone and it’ll be entirely your own fault.
Yeah, that’s what I want, you monster, to say “I told you so” to an abused woman. Your perceptions of everything are so distorted by the ugliness inside you, I don’t know if you can be helped. I’ve never said anything like that to a poster on here. Something is very deeply wrong with you.
Another letter for my “give me the exact advice I want and tell me I’m right” advice column.
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