Danny Masterson/Me too/men
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Every single time there is a big story like this in the news, I feel a little triggered. And then the box of memories opens. Lately, I have been practicing thinking about the past, because it was hidden for so long. I think about what happened to me. I also think how the present is now, and to be happy with my family and the blessings I have. There are many men in my past that deserve something. I deserved more, then.
But I don’t want to make accusations I can’t prove, to have my name dragged through the mud and my family stressed to have nothing done at the end of it all. I seek revenge, but even if I could mote it out, I don’t know if I would.
Why does my life have to be affected but not theirs?
I’m so angry that so many men get away with terrible things. End rant. Thanks for reading.
Over the past few years, I’ve spent time thinking about the lack of accountability of men and how women are the ones who end up absorbing their bad behavior. It’s come up for me in therapy on and off. And I sometimes think about the times I’ve called out bad behavior before (though not SA/#MeToo behavior) only to be dismissed and/or called cRaZy. And I think about how the bar is in hell because mediocre men benefit from the abuses of the truly shitty ones.
I haven’t followed the Danny Masterson case closely, but I was surprised to see he got 30 years… rapists don’t often get convicted and then they do, there usually isn’t much punishment (see also: Brock Turner).
Anyway, I’m sorry you’re triggered, but I do hope there is value and healing in revisiting the past (hopefully with your therapist).
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I don’t know how I would deal with the unfairness of a person getting away with such vile acts. If there are two things to take away from this:
1. The microverse – you as an individual are stronger than you give yourself credit for. You get up every day and treat the world with kindness instead of hunting people to hurt.
2. The macroverse – exposing these crimes and making them as public as possible opens the door for people to understand these behaviors are not going to be tolerated anymore. I don’t know how to ask you to be ok with being triggered if it prevents someone else from being hurt or to them getting justice. It’s not fair to you and it’s too great of an ask.Thanks guys. Lovely comments. It’s interesting for me. I mean it’s such a common story it doesn’t usually affect me all that much, but I guess like the Depp thing, this case and the really sad choices of others to write letters of support for DM make me mad. Like, just because he helped a lady cross the street ten years ago doesn’t mean he can’t be different with other people.
And I have these weird feelings about justice. I have much more rage/revenge fantasies towards a boy I grew up with from toddlerhood who hurt me, than a stranger my HS bff pushed on me who arguably hurt me more. It’s a weird place in my mind. I’ll enjoy dissecting tomorrow in therapy.
Uh, yeah, so I don’t really follow celebrity gossip or anything, so I didn’t/don’t know much about Ashton Kutcher. But omg some of what I’ve read in the past few days. Like that his letter as a character witness for Danny Masterson saying that Danny is the reason he’s not addicted to drugs… but per Demi Moore, he questioned if alcoholism and addiction are even a “thing” and encouraged her (a recovering alcoholic) to try drinking in moderation during their marriage. (Which she did try, and it spiraled.) And I guess he also came to Joe Paterno’s defense when he was fired for covering up the child sexual abuse scandal at PSU years ago. Dude sucks. I also saw that he and Mila Kunis are now publicly apologizing.
Re: the anger we feel toward people who wronged us in less extreme ways a long time ago, when I think about how I still occasionally get angry or upset about the pain some men inflicted on me when I was younger — some of which still comes up in therapy yearrrrs later — 30 years in prison as punishment for a serial rapist seems like NOTHING.
I’m sorry you were triggered, Anon. I remember feeling that way during the Kavanaugh confirmation hearing with Christine Ford bravely discussed being assaulted by him when she was 15. I was 15 when I was assaulted, too, so it resonated. It’s such a terrible feeling to have those old sensations re-surface without looking for that. And, really, just fuck these guys and all their defenders.
Did anyone see Chrissie Bixley’s response? She was one of the three women who accused Masterson of assault and she was the one who wasn’t served justice. I can understand her fury.
I just went down a little rabbit hole and read Chrissie’s response and watched some of the old interviews she referenced. They’re gross. I never watched That 70s Show but Wilmer Valderrama is yet another actor known for dating women who were significantly younger/when they were still teenagers. I can only imagine what the set was like and yeah, Mila Kunis was still a young teen.
I had no idea about Ashton’s murdered ex-girlfriend, which Chrissie’s response seems to allude to. In any case, he seems to be attracted to women with traumatic pasts (Demi Moore, Brittany Murphy, Mila Kunis).
I’m sorry you’re facing these memories, Anon.
I knew that Mila was really young when she started the show. I didn’t know all the background interviews.
One “good” entertainment news lately is Joe Jonas’ PR spin has received a lot of backlash for “leaking” stories about how Sophie Turner is a bad mom and likes to party and Joe parading his kids at a lunch.
I really wish that when I was SA’d at 14 I had told someone other than my friends. I was too afraid to tell my parents.
I do think it’s funny that JJ is trying to spin Sophie turner into a big partner. Everyone who knows her knows she is introverted and prefers to be at home under comfy clothes. Men! Don’t worry, I still love the good ones.
In other news, I worked my first half day as a performing arts school substitute! It was weird with lots of paperwork but awesome and I love being somewhere that I keep thinking, “I wish I got to go here in school!”
Today, I met middle school students and they were so cute. One was totally goth like Wednesday from Netflix. Lots of nineties clothes and doc martens. I’m so happy to be a total weirdo teaching more weirdos.
