Dealing with 'fake' Christmas Presents
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@Skyblossom, haha!! “She tested 6 grade levels ahead in ‘throwing shade on friends and family’! You’re all just jealous of my very special snowflake!”
I am proud of her.
But yes, she reads them to me, obviously she doesn’t get every single word, but she has a good idea whats going on, so when I ask her questions ‘so who went to Charn?’ she answers back ‘Digory and Polly’ or what was the horse’s name? ‘Strawberry’ etc. She understands Uncle Andrew isn’t a nice man.
JD just seemed very alarmed at the prospect for whatever reason. Although s/he is saying that’s not the case. I just don’t understand how someone else’s child doing well at school got thier back up?
I’ve done an undergrad (2.1), working on my postgrad. I was an early reader and I find that getting a headstart, allows you to build up some slack time and if it’s something she enjoys I’m pleased. I’m also pleased on a level, that she can tell the difference between real and fake products, note it is me who is pondering the morals of it/it being equitable, she is still pleased as punch.
The advice seems to be, not to watch youtube. Well she likes seeing the toys on youtube and her and cousin (other side) love playing and talking about them, so I’m certainly not going to punish her by stopping her watching some as a treat.
We got kind of far afield from your original question. At the end of the day, you get to raise your kid however you want. While others may disagree with some things you choose to do – like how much and what type of media you expose her to, and that you promote a focus on branding, whatever, you’re clearly not abusing or neglecting your child so it’s all a matter of preference, and ultimately you’re going to be the one living with the outcome of your parenting choices, so you do you when it comes to your kid.
But to back up to your original question – what do you do about your SIL’s gift? Nothing, you do nothing. None of us are entitled to anything ever, so you always appreciate presents, whatever form they may be in.
Your child was given a gift, you teach her to be gracious. Say thank you, acknowledge that the brand may be different but that we always appreciate when people think of us and give us gifts, that what she has is not fake, just different.
And then you do your best to not pass on the issues you have with your SIL to your daughter. Do not let whatever bullshit you have between the two of you influence how she feels about her aunt. Do not let her hear your sniping about how your SIL got her own children brand name toys and how she was trying to “get one over on you”. Don’t let your kid hear about how you think her aunt is always condescending. Whatever other bullshit is going on between you and your SIL, don’t let it get to your four year old. It’s not appropriate to draw her into, or even expose her to, adult family drama.
Your daughter will grow-up and eventually form her own relationship with her aunt. She may come to the same conclusions as you, or not. But don’t bias her early on with your own perceptions.
Obviously OP wrote in so they could trash talk their SIL and then flounce off about how they can do whatever they want. Isn’t that why you write in to advice columns?
“note it is me who is pondering the morals of it/it being equitable”
This is not a moral issue. She got your child a gift. There is no earthly reason why the gifts she gives to HER OWN CHILDREN need to be equal to what she gets your kid. My brother got my daughter a Polly Pocket for Christmas. You know what he got his own kids? If you do, I’m all ears, because I have no idea. I didn’t ask him because I don’t care. Maybe he got them both iPads, who knows. I got them books and socks. My daughter, despite my best efforts at pruning, has tons of toys and is a child blessed with a plethora of gift-giving family members. I’m sure your child is similarly fortunate. Say Thank You for the gift and then let it go.
Seriously, why did you write in? Did you want people to agree with you about how awful your SIL is? Well, we don’t. Nobody here thinks your SIL is awful for giving your daughter an off-brand gift. And this “fake gift” thing is simply gross. It’s not a fake gift. It’s a real gift. It’s not cute or enlightened to run around telling everyone you received a fake gift. Every gift is real despite the monetary value or brand. It’s your job to teach your daughter that.
Your entire post and each update is disturbing. Please teach your daughter to be better than that. This world doesn’t need anymore materialistic assholes.
EDT: If she’s smart enough to read/comprehend above level, she’s smart enough to understand that she didn’t receive a fake gift in the real sense of gifting.
Also, everything @ele4phant said.
note it is me who is pondering the morals of it/it being equitable
Yeah, you don’t have to be equitable with kids that aren’t your own children.
What did you get your nieces and nephews? Was it comparable to what you got your own daughter? If they are, well very nice of you but not necessary.
My aunts and uncles always got me nice gifts, but nothing on the scale of what they got their own children. And same with my parents – they got my cousins gifts but nothing like they got me and my brothers. That’s normal. That’s to be expected.
EVEN IF IT WEREN’T, it’s far ruder to point out someone’s rudeness than their original rudeness.
You clearly have an axe to grind with your SIL, but stop dragging your kid in. Let her enjoy her gift, and LET IT GO.
I kinda did let it go. The idea of equitable in this case is simple.
SIL got a load of presents. On appearance it looked like she spent an excessive amount more than I spent on her kids. She also specifically verbalised this when I asked her, to suggest she had spent a lot more money than I had.
I had spent quite a bit on her kids, but as stated it appears she spent considerably more. She’s left that opinion there.
That was what I was asking about, then all of a sudden there were a load of attacks because my daughter enjoyed watching youtube and then further attacks because I said I was proud about my daughter’s reading age.
I wrote in because there seemed to be some good advice out there. But when people give advice, I would have expected it to come from thier own background, rather than JD talking about reading ages being wrong without thinking about other countries, she just made an assumption I was lying, which was further compunded when she admitted that she didn’t have any children and didn’t really know much about reading ages. However her tone was factual and authoritive, it just got my back up.
But yeah, I guess I’ll stop posting.
PS – I spoke to my brother about the situation, apparently the pastor called it off before they actually got married and she has been talking about me everytime she sees the SIL and she got fed up with it, hence why I was disinvited to that BBQ.
You need to stop caring so much.
Who cares if you spent more on her kids, or she spent more on your kid, or if she says she spent more on your kid but made it seem like she spent more, who cares whether the toys are name brand or not? If all the kids are happy and feel loved, sounds like a good Christmas.
There’s so much bullshit between you and your SIL, I don’t even know whose more in the wrong but you both seem to be acting like children with this tit-for-tat mentality.
You can’t control what she does, but stop getting sucked in and contributing to the drama. Strive for bemused detachment to her shenanigans.
Also – you know just because you choose to spend $$$ on your nieces and nephews does not mean your SIL is obligated to match that amount. You get to choose how much you spend on her kids, and she independently gets to choose the amount she wants to spend on your kid.
I get its annoying that she’s all like “Oooohhh I got your kid something super expensive” only to find that she didn’t, but if you were mature about it and didn’t engage in her drama, your response would just be to chuckle at her immaturity, and let your kid enjoy their Christmas.
Just, be the grown-up here.
I will do and tbh, I think that’s good advice about being the grown up and not caring so much.
I think particularly about my daughter’s reading age and ability to differentiate between different products. At the age of 4, this is an incredible quality and one I will look to continue to nurture.
Some people look to nurture, some want to tear others down. Best for me to ignore that and it’s my job to protect her from that.
Thanks! Have a Happy New Year.
