“No it’s totally normal for her to reassure me she was never terrified of me physically or mentally.”

Okay, buddy. I think we all know why your dating pool lives 1,000 miles away from your in person life. Have fun with that. Look at that, I sniffed it out in a day.

Imagine getting a break up text.
No, there is no mixed signal.

Never BM!

I’m with you LW! But I think you need to give her up. She won’t respect you if you keep chasing. She’s keeping you dangling and I think she enjoys the attention. She doesn’t dislike you enough to cut you off completely but she also doesn’t like you enough to date you. I’m sorry if that’s harsh but I think she’s stringing you along. The ironic part is the more you chase at this point the less she will want to be with you. And I don’t mean give her up and wait for her to come to you. I mean actually start moving on. Go on other dates. Good luck!

WHEW .. WAY late to this party…. I read the whole thing. So my summary, an almost 40 year old man who claims to be in the mental health field met some 19 year old tattoo artist who has a troubled family life over the internet. They chat (sext) a lot and have a couple (2?) face to face meetings over 3 to 4 months. The 19 year old waffles back and forth on setting boundaries. Probably because she came from a dysfunctional home so she doubts her self when red flag alarm bells start going off in her head. Her 20 years older boyfriend, who can use psychology jargon to twist her around, starts objecting to her male coworkers and PUSH for a QUICK RELATIONSHIP and she gets more concerned. She finally sends a series of break up texts with classic let you down easy break up phrases and Mr. 40 year old is so “confused” he thinks she is sending mixed messages.

Then even before people know the full story (aka he is 40, it is a long distance relationship, they barely met in real life, etc), they tell him she is actually being pretty clear. This was a permeant break up and treat it as such and stop reaching out. Mr 40 then freaks out at people, calls them names etc.

No mentally healthy person who has only seen someone in real life for a few days and has only been “seeing someone long distance for a couple of months, thinks they are in a relationship and they are boyfriend / girlfriend. You hardly know the person. This push for a quick relationship, the age difference, they jealousy over male coworkers, if this guy is actually in the mental health field he should see how many red flags he is waving.

Wow, talk about weaponizing therapy speak. What a thread. The only thing missing was LW saying he had been “friend-zoned.”