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I think that Nicole is also being simplistic. People CAN feel how they want, but there’s a difference between accepting you feel a certain way and, like JD says, acting on it OR justifying a feeling that’s misplaced.
If someone gives me a gift that’s worth $50 and I feel upset that it’s not worth $100, then yeah, sure, I guess I can feel how I want. But insisting the person spend more money on me is not appropriate. It’s also not doing anyone, including me, any favors if I decide to tell myself that it’s totally fine to be angry about the $50 gift.
So, don’t beat yourself up over your feelings, but it’s good that you go to other sources, like here, to find out if the feelings you are having are healthy or if they signify unreasonable expectations. People who are being blunt with you are doing so because they do see them as unreasonable expectations and are telling you, and unfortunately, telling someone that doesn’t always sound super nice and friendly.
You can feel however you feel but this is the simple truth: if you can’t control your feelings and stop treating your partner like you suspect him of cheating, which is exactly how you have been treating him, then you should MOA, because this relationship will die, at your hand. This means not insisting upon being told of every message from his co-parent, not demanding to inspect his phone, not being upset when co-parent contacts him, etc. Lasting relationships are built on trust and you don’t trust your partner. It’s just that simple. He shouldn’t want to spend his life with a partner who doesn’t trust him. If he wrote in with the facts you’ve given, the answer would be that he should dump you to save himself, his currently working co-parent relationship, and his child. Are you jealous of child, co-parent, or both.
Ignore Nicole. She may tell you what you want to hear, but I have yet to see one example of good advice from her.
I totally understand your points of view and I appreciate people telling me the truth no matter how it sounds, that’s the whole reason I came to this site. It’s clear that everyone thinks I’m being inappropriate by the things I say and think towards my partner, so now it’s up to me to get help and work on my insecurities. I do appreciate the advice
