How to get a friend to stop texting me
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I would like to maintain the friendship, but I also want her to understand my boundaries more during these times. And I think she’s not getting it.
A lot of her texting seems very normal to me though. Barring the party requests. But checking in on friends is what friends do. Heck a lot if people get mad if you DON’T check in on them. So her occasional texts seem very middle of the road to me.
I’d try responding with: “ I’m doing okay. nothing new to report. Just a lot going on this week. Kinda slammed.”
I’ve actually tried that before ? Every time she said how are you? I’d respond with “same old same old. And you?” And then she’d ask me how are you again later that evening and the next day. And I’d keep responding with same old same old. This was before I told her about all the dark things going on with me. She doesn’t stop until the convo leads to the favor.
Omg. You can maintain a friendship without responding to her every text. Just ignore the check-in ones or respond once with “Ok, don’t feel like talking,” and then stop responding. That is how you set boundaries with people, by not rewarding the behavior you don’t like. Not by sending more messages trying to explain.
Just don’t respond if you don’t have the bandwidth. I wonder if she’s trying to be extra supportive since you mentioned your miscarriage & she’s pregnant. If she asks for a favor go ahead and decide you’ll say no. Might get rid of the sense of impending doom you seem to be feeling when you get a text from her
She might, but what I’m going through right now might actually be worse than the miscarriage. And is more recent, so I think she’s most likely giving support for that.
Before she knew of any of that though, I’m actually wondering now if she was wanting me to throw her a baby shower. As last time she texted for a week it was in hopes I’d throw her a party. They do know the gender now and it’s around that time. I havn’t texted her back in a few weeks. So I think I will send her a response next time she checks in. Just trying to figure out what I want to say.
If your friend was hoping you’d throw a baby shower for them, but you were going through some tough time would you still do it?
Based on what I’m reading so far you want to be polite and be a good friend. But you also seem emotionally triggered when seeing a message from her. So I would say something along the lines as ‘thanks for supporting me still. You’re a good friend. I’m still in need of space tho. So please, give me the space I need to find myself. I promise to get in touch once this is all over.’ Something like that. That to me is understanding, seems polite and should get her off your back.
Thank you! That is exactly how I feel and your advice politely conveys my thoughts. I’ll use some of that in my response to her. In my own words of course 🙂 thank you again!
I don’t understand why this is so difficult? You can say something like, “Hey, I’m going through a lot right now. Thanks for checking in on me, but I don’t have the emotional energy to keep up with texting right now. If you don’t hear from me, it’s not personal — I’m just need space and will be taking time for myself.” If they keep texting, you don’t have to respond. If the other person keeps reaching out after you’ve said what you have to say, it’s on them.
If a friend was hoping I’d throw them any kind of party and I had the time and energy and *desire* to do it, I’d do it. If I didn’t have the time, energy (emotional or otherwise), and/or desire to do it, I wouldn’t. And I wouldn’t spend a moment feeling bad for not doing it.
Since you asked, I would make an effort to throw a low key shower for a good friend. Not a friend who only contacts me when she wants something
Don’t throw parties for people if you don’t want to. No, I wouldn’t throw a party for her if you’re going through shit. If she was your best friend I would say differently, but your best friend wouldn’t even think of asking you to do so while you’re dealing with your own life. So don’t throw her a shower, and don’t feel bad about not doing so. Don’t even bring it up.
You can mute her on your phone. If seeing that you have a text from her triggers you, you can block her number for however long you want to avoid her, and unblock her later. Don’t feel bad. It’s your mental health you need to protect.
