I can't reach her…
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There is this girl in my class and whatever I do, I cannot stop thinking about her. I want to talk to her all the time and I miss her when she is not around. At fırsat I thought it is a childish thing, it is not love or a crush but later those nights, I saw her in my dreams, holding hands and she kissed me on the cheek. I have never had such feelings and experiences before and it is exciting but also scary because I cannot reach her. I managed to become friends with her, sort of… But she is not giving me something to carry on you know, she is kind, nice and so self conscious(pretty much like me)… but like I said, she is not like other girls, general ways and gestures don’t seem to be applied on her. I- I- feel so empty and lonely without her. But I cannot find a way to prove her that I would never harm her, that I would do anything to make her happy… I really do feel this way. Yesterday we went out as 4 friends, 2 of them are flirting with each other currently, and the other 2 were us, but I could not manage to get closer to her, she has this wall against people which I could not manage to pass… How do I pass without hurting her?
You’ve built her up into a hugely over romanticized fantasy in your head. Your version of her doesn’t exist.
She gets to choose who she opens up to. All you can do is let her know that you are interested in knowing her better. If she doesn’t want that, you should be respectful and distance yourself.You haven’t felt like this before because you are new to romance and dating. This isn’t what you think it is. You don’t even know her well enough to know all this. Just ask her on a date if you want to get to know her better.
I’m not sure from your letter whether you’ve been trying to get her to go out with you and she’s said no, or you’re trying to figure out how to ask.
If you haven’t asked yet, then just say “would you like to get coffee sometime?” Or ice cream, or lunch, or whatever seems appropriate.
If she’s already said that she’s not interested in getting to know you better, you need to stop. Right away. There is no way to convince someone to like you the way you like them, and continuing to try will just make her hate you, and even fear you.
A lot of young people think that dating means you see someone you like, and then you try to make them like you. That’s not how it works, and it’s rude to do that to anyone.
If she’s not interested, then I’m sorry, because I know it hurts a lot to have a crush on someone and know they don’t feel the same way. But you will get through this, and you will be OK. Stay busy, avoid seeing her as much as you can, and these feelings will pass.
Umm btw I am 18, and umm, I like turning things into drama, so the way I tell you shouldnt make you think I am new to romance, it is just that this girl is one of a kind and we have a things in common, I mean I know that it is not the end if she rejects me, but that shouldnt be an excuse to not to be catious I think. I want you to tell me what I can do, not what I cant do… Thanks. 🙂
Well, if you haven’t asked her out yet, then I did tell you what you can do: ask her out.
If you have already asked her out and she said no, I can’t tell you what you can do, because there isn’t anything you can do. Continuing to pursue someone who doesn’t want you is wrong, and it doesn’t work. End of story.
Dear Essie,
Umm, I know I know but the problem is that I dont know what in her head is, you know.. I have no idea what she is thinking about me, I tried to give her some signals but I think she didnot even realize bcs she is so committed to her family, or she did realize but scared to have a relationship? The second option is more likely in my opinion because she really is distanced with people.You do need to consider that she might only like you as a friend, or is just being polite. As opposed to, has a wall up but you can get through it.
People are absolutely correct in telling you that you can’t keep pushing if she’s not into you, and you can’t make someone like you.
Just ask her out on a date. If she declines or doesn’t give you a clear yes, desist.
If I would have known that she is not in to me or not interested in me, I would give up on her but she is pike a puzzle, so self conscious…
It’s pretty easy to ask someone out. Say something like want to get some pizza/a burger/coffee. Then see what she says. You don’t need to call it a date. Just see if she wants to do something. If she says yes see how it goes. If she says no you have your answer without putting yourself on the line. It’s the asking that helps you to figure out what’s in her head. If you don’t ask you won’t know. There is only a puzzle if you don’t ask. If she says no don’t ask again.
Just ask her. She’s not a goddamn puzzle you need to figure out. She’s a person. Hinting or giving signs is not a concrete action. Ask her. Tell her you like her (although you hardly know her so I don’t think you actually know enough about her to like her.)
