I can't reach her…
- This topic has 45 replies, 11 voices, and was last updated 6 years ago by
.
-
Posts
-
If you don’t have the cajones to ask her-
She’s given you no signs she likes you.
Let that be your answer.
People aren’t telling you what you ‘can’t’ do, they are telling you what you ‘shouldn’t’ do, there is a difference. You can do what ever you want ultimately, but there are things you shouldn’t do, like continue to pursue someone who has already told you no, and build up a fantasy crush when it seems to be purely one sided. The way you describe your interest suggests that a lot of your interest and feelings for her have been built up off of very limited interactions with her.
So my suggestion, stop treating her like a ‘puzzle,’ or anyone for that matter. You seem to have an interest because you see similar personality traits with her. Use that as a way to actually talk and get to know her, trying to figure her out from a distance and giving ‘signals’ to here is not doing you an favors. If you finally get a chance to actually chat with her and get to know her, then decide if it is appropriate to pursue a relationship with her.
She may in fact, as you eluded to, be solely focused on her family and not interested. But do not take it personally, and do not dwell on what could have been. There has been nothing between you than casual social encounters.
I understand, but I have a question: What does getting to know her mean? Because we texted a lot and so it is not like I have no idea about her, I know her a bit, actually even more than just a bit. So it is not like a fantasy, I am actually very realistic and pessimistic person irl, of course I have dreams about the future, it is just once, once in a long while, I want something good, innocent and beautiful in my life and she is the perfect fit, please stop telling me to get realistic,that I am dellusional because I know…. Cant you just give me an idea, a clue, a tip, something… Asking her out is an idea yes, but before that what kind of things can I do to weaken the wall?
You’re overcomplicating this with a lot of fantasy and fairy-tale notions of what romance is like.
Women aren’t mystical, mysterious creatures. We’re just people, like your guy friends. There’s no puzzle, there’s no mystery to solve. There aren’t any secret words or magic phrases that you say just right and then she falls in love with you. You just ask.
Dating isn’t very different from making friends. Do you have any female friends? Have you ever asked one of them to do something with you, like get lunch, or go to a store to get something? It’s no different. I think the best relationships start as friendships anyway, so just treat her like a friend.
She’s either going to want to get to know you, or she isn’t. If she isn’t, there’s nothing you can (or should) do to change that.
There is nothing you can do to “weaken the wall.” I’m sorry, I know you don’t want to hear that. If you know each other a bit, and your interactions with her have been reasonably pleasant (no fighting, anger, etc), you’ve done all you can do.
If she knows you, she probably already knows whether or not she’ll willing to go out with you. You just need to find out the answer.
For example, I have an idea in my mind: I want to tell her that I want to get to know her, and say “I want to get to know you, I really like you, I am saying this because I dont want to sneak in, I want you to know, and if this is not OK for you, I wont bother you again…” Just an idea… What do you think? Is it too distanced or balanced? I think it is risky but certain. But I dont want her to think that it is not that big of a deal if she rejects me, cause it is a big deal…
The ones who think that I am overcomplicating this may stop replying. Let me ask you a question: What if you had a chance to know about your future, but you see that you will end up alone, unless you dont “overcomplicate” a particular girl. Wouldn’t you stop and be more careful about your moves and actions, I ve had enough problems in my life, so this is important to me. I think that she might be the one if I play right. (No I dont think of it as a game, it is just a verb)
“I want to tell her that I want to get to know her, and say “I want to get to know you, I really like you, I am saying this because I dont want to sneak in, I want you to know, and if this is not OK for you, I wont bother you again…”
You can say you’d like to get to know her better and would she like to have dinner with you.
The rest of that is unnecessary and frankly annoying to a woman.
If she is keeping up a wall between herself and you then the answer is obvious, she doesn’t want to see you. Is there really a wall between you? What do you mean by a wall? In my experience women put up a wall because they really don’t want to be with someone. If you have to weaken a wall you shouldn’t bother.
If there isn’t a wall up between you then ask her out to do something casual.
Want to walk down to X?
I’m hungry. Do you want to grab a burger with me?
Do you want to grab some coffee?You don’t need to tell her that you want to get to know her. If you are asking her to spend time doing something with you that goes without saying but if she isn’t interested it becomes very awkward. Women especially feel like they can’t hurt your feelings so if you tell her you want to get to know her it puts her on the spot in a very uncomfortable way. She may feel like she has to say yes even if she wants to say no and then she will try to figure out how to avoid you without telling you that she is avoiding you.
The better thing is to ask if she would like to do something. If she says yes it means she would like to spend a little time with you. I don’t think it goes well when you try to start a relationship by saying I like you. Give her the chance to get to know you. If she needs time to get to know you to decide if she would like to date you then you do that by doing some things casually. If she enjoys the time she will keep saying yes and if she doesn’t she will start saying no.
Does she manage to hang around you? Does she just seem to end up where you are? If yes she may like you. If not then she probably doesn’t.
But she lives 1.5 hour away from me and the university, so I dont have a chance to ask for a dinner, would it be creepy if I’d go there? And ask her to come to a cafe or may be I pick her up?
