Is my GF an addict?
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You don’t owe the relative anything.
You really should try to see your gf and tell her what that person said, unedited. She should know what her relative is saying behind her back.Your primary responsibilities are to yourself, your girlfriend, and the relationship. You owe her your full honesty. Dancing around what the relative said and trying to figure this out on your own isn’t good for you, for her, or for the relationship.
Just spill it. Get it over with. In the end, you’re going to have to tell her the whole story of what the relative said anyway, and delaying it and editing it is just going to make everything worse.
I know it’s hard. Hard conversations happen all the time in relationships. But it has to be done, and agonizing over it solves nothing.
Say it. Hear what your GF says. Then you can decide who you believe.
Hint: is she expresses outrage and anger towards the relative rather than confusion… then your GF is lying.
Who wouldn’t be angry that their relative told their boyfriend they used to be addicted to cocaine and heroin, and that if he left them, they’d commit suicide?
Good lord if a he said/she said situation with someone you don’t know makes you doubt your girlfriend MOA. You don’t trust her, there’s no point to any of this.
BGM -if I had a relative that pulled this stunt I would be pissed! I think you’re right that addicts are the best liars but depending on prior issues, anger might be the appropriate action.
Some relatives like to hit you when you’re down. That the relative mentioned “disowning” says to me this wouldn’t be the first instance of nonsense between the two.
The longer you withhold this information, the harder it’s going to be to discuss this. Sit her down. Talk to her. Be factual, not emotional. If you have to monitor your actions/feelings because you’re afraid of her reaction that is a big ol’ red flag right there.
Hi-Thanks. Talked to someone who knows us both well and I feel calmer and will talk to my GF when she comes here in a couple of days. I won’t call the relative as I don’t want to “go behind” my GF’s back-I want to hear what she has to say,once she knows exactly what I have been told.
I am hopeful we can work through all this. Yes,both of us are angry at the relative-I feel blindsided still. Yes,if true.my GF should have told me,but depending on the circumstances,the degree,(relative tends to embellish) and how long ago this was,I may be able to deal with it.
This thread has been very helpful-will update in a few days! And up until this call,I did trust my GF-and still trust she will tell me the truth when I ask. That is why I have been so thrown by the phone call.LW, the symptoms you describe do not sound significant enough that I would jump to the conclusion that she is on drugs or drinking excessively. Like the others have said, its time to sit down with g/f calmly and tell her the truth. A good relative would intervene appropriately, not cowardly.
I would be so pissed if I was the gf.
That you didn’t trust me, didn’t tell me and then brought in a third party for clarification.
Even if it’s true, (that she USED to use drugs) this is all disrespectful IMO.
