Is this psychotic? I can’t leave this relationship
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So I’ve been in a situation.
He has tried leaving too many times. I don’t let him though. I stalk, use multiple numbers, harass, he comes back soon.
Yesterday he said he was about to do it (die); he told me how it would all be my fault. How I’d have stolen a life and everything he could have done. I begged him not to.
I can’t leave. Physically either – I mean I start having severe panic attacks, psychogenic seizures, I faint etc etc once he is not there.
I don’t know what I am supposed to do. I really don’t want him to die neither to be responsible for a death. But I am addicted. This works like a drug.
People always suggest therapy, but I can’t afford this.
I feel like I will never be able to leave. And that if I do, it’s all over. I don’t want it to be like that. But I swear to God, I can’t do it. I can’t do it. I have tried. And I have no help.
I want SO MUCH to be who I was before him. Because I was NOTHING like that.
I have been saying the same things for 4 years. But it all remains the same. Everything remains the same. I am obsessed, addicted. I hit myself when he leaves, I jump in front of cars.
I feel so lost. He says he will kill himself if I don’t leave.
This is probably beyond the scope of this forum. I know “therapy” is the generic answer but its the right one. I know its expensive but it may be necessary.
But here’s what we can tell you: all of this is dangerous unhealthy. Your stalking of him every time he leaves, the panic attacks from when he’s not there, his threatening to kill himself if you’re not there. All of this needs to stop.
If therapy is truly absolutely unattainable, you must start making your life more fulfilling without this guy, whether you are broken up or not. Be with friends, find hobbies. Make your life worth living whether the guy is there or not.
If he keeps threatening suicide, tell a trusted member of his family if its an option, and if its not, consult local social services.
Definitely not a web-forum problem. You know this is not healthy. You have essentially kidnapped this person and are holding them hostage and their last resort to being free is suicide. That’s how unhealthy this is.
“People always suggest therapy, but I can’t afford this.”
Many therapists offer sliding scale fees to help accommodate people whose treatment is not covered by insurance or who would otherwise have a cost barrier to access. I hope you will look into this. I’m not a mental health professional of any kind but I think you need to find a psychiatrist who can prescribe you something or even get you into some kind of in-patient treatment center.
IMO it sounds like you both have some pretty serious mental/emotional health issues. None of this is normal or healthy.
Suicide hot line or hospital emergency room. They will hook you up with help. If you end up having to pay, you can always declare bankruptcy.
Agree, call a hotline and ask for help. This is very serious and concerning and someone’s life is on the line. You need to get help from professionals. You can’t go on like this.
It’s not a question of “can you afford it?” He’s threatening suicide and you’re attempting it by jumping in front of cars. Call your family, call his and tell them what is going on. Separate yourselves and get into therapy. You need help from a professional. I don’t see how you can go on without help. This is serious and alarming.
Get help.
I went to the ER today, stayed for about 5 hours crying. Nobody saw me, I got no help.
Priority is given to the patients who are brought by police. The rest of us were never seen by a doctor. We just waited for nothing.
I really can’t afford therapy, because if I go, I won’t be able to get food. It really isn’t an option for me.
I only have a hotline to talk to. That’s it. And let me tell you, I tried it, and they don’t respond. Lines are all occupied it seems.
I feel like all my efforts to get help are rejected.
People online have offered I can talk to them if I need someone to talk to, though. But it’s not helping. It never helps.
Felt horrible that nobody even saw me at the ER.
Well, I think that’s great that you’ve taken these steps to get help. Have you told your family and your partner’s family that you two are having suicidal thoughts and you need to end the relationship?
This really can’t be done.
My mother is happy and finally able to be free of constant responsibilities. She has been through a lot, her brother is fighting cancer etc. of course now doing better. I’m not ruining that. I’m pretending.
His mother is going through cancer. Definitely a no go.
I don’t think it mattered that I went to the ER, as it was pointless. Why go if nobody is going to see you.
Until I can be financially well enough, nothing can be done. If I ever am.
I wish I could sleep at least
I know, but it’s good that you’re making these efforts to get help, by calling the hotline or trying to see a doctor. It’s not good at all that you can’t get help.
What have you done during your life when you need to see a doctor? How does your family get treatment? Is there a medical doctor you can make an appointment with? It sounds like you need more than just talk therapy, that you may benefit from meds, like anti-anxiety, anti-depressants, sleep meds. That’s the kind of thing that in the US (I know you’re not in this country), you could see your family doctor or general practitioner about, and they could refer you to a psychiatrist.
What country are you in? Given your ER experience I am wondering if it is Canada. If it is, what province are you in?
