Major Problem @Work…Please Help
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If what he’s saying about his relationship with his wife is true (and omg their wives are ALWAYS terrible) plus all the weird creepy stuff about your house – mate I don’t know why you think he’s anything remotely close to a catch.
I appreciate the update and additional information. Gurl, he’s fucking grooming you for an affair. Stay the fuck away. Because there’s a ton of red flags that you can’t see with your rose colored glasses.
“My wife doesn’t understand me!” CLASSIC line for cheaters. He’s setting up a situation where the two of you have a connection because he can’t connect to his wife. If he really wanted to connect to his wife, he’d fucking talk to her or insist on seeing a marriage counselor.
I’m an introvert that does well at business. I’m not shy. I just need to stop talking and recharge at some point during the day. He’s setting up “no one understands me but you!” or “I’ve never felt a connection like this with anyone!” which is bullshit.
The maid at your house freak out, that shit is controlling as hell. You know what most people would say? Most people would say “Oooh, I don’t like the idea of giving a key to a stranger.” but they let you do what’s best for you because you’re a functioning adult who isn’t a moron. That shit is not cool.
Honestly, your update makes him sound sketchy as hell. Do not get involved with this man. If he’s willing to cheat on his wife, he’s scum. If he’s willing to ruin his (or your career) for a little nookie, he’s a fool. Same goes for you.
And not for nothing, but people who complain about their spouses like he’s doing, that shit isn’t cool. I’m serious. Of course sometimes your spouse does something stupid and you’re frustrated, but in my experience, people who complain about their spouses like that are fucking toxic. I’ve never seen a successful marriage where one partner puts the other down, behind their back where they can’t defend themselves. You’re not a friend you’re a co-worker. You’re not his rabbi. You’re not his therapist. You should have no information about his wife other than her name, the things he likes to buy her, how she loved their last vacation and makes an amazing apple pie that is better than his mom’s. Even if he goes home and they fight like dogs -that’s her private life and nunya bizness. It is shitty shitty behavior on his part.
This is such a 180 turn from original post and from initial followups. I tend to disbelieve it.
I thought the same after reading two paragraphs of the original. The smarminess alone put my trolldar on alert. Whatever.
Yeah I’m at a combo of Leslie and Ron, like why is this additional detail coming NOW… it’s such obvious classic dirtbag trying to cheat moves, why wouldn’t it surface at all in the original post? So it kinda sounds made up at this point, but if it’s not, uh, yeah, this is what creepy guys do to try to gauge interest in an affair. But D_J, it’s so gross, why are you falling for it? Snap out of it.
I read through the entire thread. You began by sounding over the top infatuated with your boss’s boss and it sounded fairly one-sided. Then you updated with a post that makes him sound like a total creep.
If people are commenting about his choice to sit by you all the time it means that people are watching all of this. It has been noticed and people are talking about you behind your back. None of this is good for your career. You need to actively shut this down. Quit trying to catch him staring at you. Quit staring at him. Make sure you focus on everyone in a meeting, especially the person who is speaking. Find someone to sit with before he can sit with you. Quit acting interested. Start telling yourself a different story in your head. Instead of asking yourself if he is lusting after you or in love with you ask yourself what type of creep wants to cheat on their wife. Tell yourself you don’t want a guy who would cheat. You don’t want a guy who says mean things about his wife. Nice guys don’t go around bashing their wife.
NOBODY fucking does that at work. I’m 17 years into my career. I’m attractive. I’ve had close guy friends at work, guys I traveled with frequently, and *nobody* talked about their relationship with their spouse. Why? Because it’s unprofessional, inappropriate, gross, and grounds for a harrassment charge to boot.
If you really don’t want to get involved with him, then it shouldn’t have gotten this far. You should not be indulging him in conversations about your personal life or about his marriage.
I would also agree that your description of interactions with him paint a very bad picture of him. You’re making the classic mistake of someone who is into a married man where you are looking for any sign that you have a chance with him so hard that you ignore the red flags.
A person who has marriage problems? Sure, they might be ripe for cheating or being single soon, but they are a crappy person for trash talking their spouse. They are bad at relationships. A person who acts possessive? Sure, maybe they like you, but they are also a possessive person.
These aren’t just signs of whether he’s open to having an affair with you. These are indicators of who he is as a person, and I’d say this means that you probably need to rethink your standards.
I agree, Ron.
The pivot with Ange and just a dash too much encouragement “You’re really making me think here..” spread on it just a little too thickly.
I posted an an earlier comment teasing the beautiful writing style, but I’m not as skilled as the letter writer and have tended to confuse and insult regulars at failed attempts of miming in the past.
Huh. Kate, I have to say — in my experience — plenty of people have talked to me or others about their spouses at work. Plenty. It’s NOT that unusual.
