makeout regret
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I agree with the others who didn’t classify this as assault.
Because I am a woman of color (specifically a black woman), I have a decidedly different perspective on this letter. I honestly don’t think that she’s upset about ‘making out’ with a guy. She’s upset because it was a black guy. Unfortunately, it’s not uncommon for some people to raise their daughters to believe that all black men are out to rape them (Google Rosewood Massacre of 1923, the death of Emmit Till, stories told to European women about black soldiers, and the countless other stories in which black men have been wrongly incarcerated for alleged assault & rapes of white women).
Honestly, her story sounds like the thousands of stories that I’ve heard my entire life about white women who get sexually or romantically involved with black men then when it’s discovered they cry assault/rape. I just have a hard time believing it was an actual assault when she engaged or failed to disengage during the encounter.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m a huge proponent of prosecuting and punishing anyone (black, white, or otherwise) who rapes or assaults a woman but I gotta give side eye to any woman who told us that she ‘made out with a guy’ and then panicked because she thinks her parents are going to find out that he’s black.
@Skyblossom Who said my son is going to be kissing girls? Maybe he’ll be kissing boys. Or, does your definition of sexual assault only apply to girls who don’t explicitly say yes?
I still have zero idea how anyone can think this grown adult man is a totally OK dude for grabbing and kissing a 19-year-old who gave him zero indication of interest.
But hey, I guess anything goes at a club!
We don’t know she was participating. That’s an assumption lot of people are making. From her description including that she was grossed out by him, was wisjong she thought she would burst into tears after, I can’t see how she could possibly have been super into it.
It’s irrelevant whether it is a boy or a girl.
I have a son and a daughter. I’ve emphasized with both that you don’t do things to people that they don’t want. I assume that both of them can tell if someone seems interested in what they are doing. I assume that both of them are responsible for their actions.
We also don’t know that she wasn’t. She uses the word “we” as others have pointed out. And people have already commented on the definitions of assault. I think it’s ok to ease up on this just a bit. She needs to be educated and armed with how to handle this the next time, or stop going to clubs.
Boys have more trouble with assault because people think it can’t happen to them and that they aren’t manly enough if it did happen to them.
Northern Star, have you been to clubs? That is pretty standard. Even in New Hampshire in 1993. And the staff would pressure you to put on an unwashed bikini and participate in the swimsuit contest, and you’d say, “no, thank you, maybe another time.”
I’m with @Cleopatra Jones on being wary of the LW’s attitude. She didn’t feel much over this, until she realised what Dad would potentially think of her for make out with a black man. This was the big worry and not about the feeling of being forced.
I think she needs to stop going to clubs. She was only having a so so time before this happened. Clubs are way to far out of her comfort zone.
I grew up in a community that was probably somewhat like hers, except without the racist element. She was probably warned to not walk alone at night and warned to check the backseat of her car before getting in, especially at night. Being indoors with a group of friends in a large group of people was assumed to always be safe. It wouldn’t occur to her that anything could happen and that she would need to be prepared to stop guys who were coming on aggressively. If the friends are new, young women she met since college started, then they don’t know her well and have no idea how limited she is and how naive. They probably had no clue she needed to be rescued or that she wouldn’t know that guys would be coming on to her.
Kate, so you think that’s awesome behavior, and totally cool and acceptable, then?
Eh. Not me.
