makeout regret
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@ Northern we have no idea how old this guy was. We know she’s super racist so I’m inclined to take her description of the guy with a really big grain of salt. There are studies that show black kids are perceived as being older than they are. It’s entirely possible there wasn’t a huge age difference. Even if there was, she is 19 and in college, she’s an adult.
And I agree that this girl shouldn’t be having a drink or going to clubs (and I think she should also see a school counselor, because her passivity, paralysis and racism is going to get her into more trouble in school and in life).
But I don’t think men should do what he did, either. And claiming “Hey, it’s the CLUB!” doesn’t make it any more palatable. Ugh.
@northern Star I don’t honk anyone thinks it’s “awesome, totally cool, or acceptable.” But it’s pretty widely known that when you’re at a club, lubricated by alcohol, people try to hook up. Music is loud, guys usually dance up on you from behind. Those of us with experience walk away if we’re not interested. If you don’t, there’s an implication that it’s fine. I don’t know how this is something that needs to be explained.
What happened is 100% normal club behavior, it’s literally the reason most people go to a club—to drink, dance, and hook up.
In the context of a club, I wouldn’t even say he was acting aggressively, sky. If this happened at a wedding? Maybe. At a club, that’s a hard sell.
Holy shit. It was some kissing! She was dancing and paying attention to him. It’s pretty normal to kiss someone if you are dancing with them, talking with them and into them. Just because she was naive to what clubs are, why people go to them, why a man dances with you, how to walk away if you are not interested, does not make this assault. He didn’t forceibly make out with her, as far as she describes it. She allowed him to make out with her. Both parties have responsibility for their actions. She doesn’t say she was drunk, or unable to move. Even a toddler will run away if another toddler kisses them and it’s not wanted. No one is blaming her for anything, except being naive.
I still have zero idea how anyone can think this grown adult man is a totally OK dude for grabbing and kissing a 19-year-old who gave him zero indication of interest.
But he didn’t grab her and kiss her without warning. That shit would have been an assault.
He grabbed her hand, presumably, to get her attention. That happens all.of.the.time in crowded clubs. Guys touch your shoulder, etc (except your lady bits, no dude should be grabbing your bits or your bum to get your attention).
After engaging with her (talking and dancing), he thought the natural progression of their encounter was to kiss her. Was he wrong? We don’t know because we weren’t there. We have no idea what the vibe was.
I just find it telling that the only thing she was actually upset over was that her parents might find out that he was a person of color. Also, she made a HUGE point of telling us that the guy was ugly (she probably attributed that to his color) and of a different race.
