@MissD, you are a very wise and perceptive lady.

Carol, THAT is the reason I called you out on the use of “beta males.” YOU chose to use a term that was originated by the incels and is a core part of their nasty ideology, if you can call it that, so you don’t have much call to be threatening anyone with a lawsuit for simply noticing what you said.

Linguistics aside, the point everyone is trying to make is that you are seeing men (and yourself) on a very shallow level. You lump men into one of two groups – neanderthals or wimps. You call yourself a catch based on very superficial characteristics that frankly, most people don’t care about when choosing a partner.

Don’t choose your dates based on superficialities. Don’t jump to conclusions based on stereotypes. Take your time getting to know a man and consider his entire personality and character before you write him off. Trying dating against your “type.” Attraction isn’t always instant, and it’s not always all about appearances.

Ugh…I HATE comments like this. I just had a similar conversation with my sister where I guy ‘friend’ she was planning on going out for ice cream with said he was looking forward to a ‘hot date’ {like girl runnn}. I read your comment to mean that the guy is 1. used to drug skanks so congrats, you’re out of his league and 2. he’s 2 years older than you, but you are too ‘old’ for his type? So his type is younger girls?

So much cringe. Just no. Good for you for being sweet and courteous. And if you’re getting a pattern response of this sort, you may need to look at the kind of guy you’re interacting with in the first place. They aren’t all like this. ♥

SailBobo —
I think what was being referenced was the guys comments about the other women he had dated. I don’t think either LW or the guys she dates are great at picking up signals. From what LW wrote to us, the guy must have picked up on her great opinion of herself and her accomplishments and what a great catch she is. She seems to have expounded on that at length, not realizing that since the guy has zero interest in a relationship with her (or any woman, because he has no desire for monogamy), her being a great catch is of zilch interest to him. Probably a negative, because it suggests she will be more demanding and less easily impressed. so he talks her up and says how great she is compared to the women he normally dates and talks down those women in making that point. That may not be his actual opinion of the women he dates and even the ‘factual’ details may be made up.

This is where he misses signals. LW is seeking an Alpha Macho Male. It goes against that image and is likely to turn her off for him to describe the women he normally dates as such losers. Not the sort of women a real alpha male would choose to date. His comment that LW is older than the women he normally dates may be an attempt to regain his appearance of alpha status.

In any rate, his view of the duration of any relationship he might have with LW was probably 6 hours and certainly not more than two weeks. That wasn’t her interest — she just chooses the wrong men, misses their signals, and seems confused about who is and isn’t an Alpha. Also, if she describes herself as an alpha female, an alpha male may be the last thing she needs.

It sounds to me like you are picking the wrong type of guy. You don’t want the macho sexist type. What do you want in a boyfriend? List those qualities. From what you write I think your type is more of the smart, educated (graduate degree), sensitive, a bit of a foodie, well-read and love to travel type. A more “nerdy” and worldly kind of guy. I think if you are using dating apps then be more specific about what kind of guy you are looking for.