My friend is having an affair with a married man
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- This topic has 52 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 3 years, 3 months ago by Justina.
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LisforLeslieJune 28, 2021 at 10:01 am #1093190
Back out of the friendship, clearly you don’t feel like you can be honest with her without damaging the relationship beyond repair.
You are judging her. You may not be judging her morals but you are definitely judging her judgement. She’s sowing her wild oats, not uncommon after a divorce for either sex. And she is showing absolutely no remorse when she finds out she slept with a married man. And she’s decided that her married boyfriend is being truthful with her when he says all the sweet nothings about being in love.
And I’d be just as worried about her judgement. She’s making a series of bad choices, some of which are going to jump up, slap her in the face and if you can’t sit there and NOT say “I told you so.” then it’s best you back away.
ronJune 28, 2021 at 10:16 am #1093193“Except she went on to say that having sex with multiple men is bad for her friend’s health. That’s a step too far.
The sex with multiple men is not, and should not be, an issue.”
Why? She certainly has a right to sleep with as many men as she chooses, but to say this poses no health risk is a step to far. Protection isn’t perfect and every intimate encounter with a new person has a risk of STI associated with it. This includes AIDS. Vaccinated or not, there is also a finite risk of COvid, as vaccinated persons are getting Covid, especially the variants. The various vaccines are 85-95%k effective, which means still about a 10% chance of catching it. Cheating married men are a greater threat, as she is unlikely to be the only woman, or man, they are cheating with. It is the friends decision to make, but to say it is riskless is simply wrong.
Not sure why you keep banging away on this so stridently.
“The LW flat-out said she “slept with 10+ men … I don’t judge her for that, but some of them are married.” That seems clear to me.”
By mentioning the number, you are, in fact, judging her based on how many men she’s slept with. You might claim you aren’t, but you really are, otherwise why mention it? What does it add to the story? It’s like someone making a mean comment then following it up with “I’m only joking.”
If this LW’s only concern was truly with her friend sleeping with married men, then that’s all the letter needed to be about.
BittergaymarkJune 28, 2021 at 10:55 am #1093202It adds context. If you can’t see that, I remain — frankly – amazed. It’s also hilarious that all this railing against judging somebody comes from two of the most judge-mental people on here. Hell… It’s like me ripping a letter writer to shreds for being both jaded and bitter. ?♂️
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