And honestly, as much as these smokers are demonizing Xanax, if someone has such bad anxiety that they truly cannot do their job without drugs, I’d rather they be on some kind of managed, low-dose program of legally-prescribed antidepressants or anti-anxiety meds, combined with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or something, than to be self-administering illegal drugs that could get them fired (yes, that does frequently happen).

Whatever you do don’t have a baby. Babies add stress to your life and he has already proven he can’t handle the current level of stress. If he can’t handle the current level at work he is not going to be able to handle a greater level of stress at home. The stress a baby adds to your life goes on for years and that’s with the average, healthy baby. How would he handle a special needs child? I had to spend part of my first pregnancy on total bed rest. Could he handle that? If anything happened to you and your husband was left on his own to raise a baby/child could he do that? If not you have no business having a child with him.

I don’t see this marriage going long term. He already can’t handle a regular, normal level of stress or he is saying he can’t. How will he handle the inevitable things that happen. How would he handle you having cancer or you losing a job? He can’t deal with basic life and life happens. Sooner or later you will get fed up at the grown man who can’t deal with life. Can you carry it all? Can it be all you all of the time?

I also wonder what changed at work so that he suddenly couldn’t handle the stress level. Either their was a massive change at work or he was able to deal with work and is using it as an excuse or he was smoking and lying even before you were married.

The thing about a dealbreaker is that it exists for a reason. You can try to ignore it but it will still be there. How much of your time that you spend with your husband is positive compared to the amount of time you spend with him that is negative because you are annoyed/disgusted/concerned/worried about his smoking. Research shows you need at least five times more good times than negative times for a marriage to succeed long term. Do you have that? If not you will reach a point where you are just angry or hurt or disgusted or whatever it is you feel about him when he is smoking. That will be the sum of your life with him day in and day out and at some point those feelings will finish off the marriage. It isn’t that we hope you get divorced. It is the only way that we can see for you to have long term happiness. Things like this spiral downward until you reach your breaking point. At that point you will wish you had left a lot sooner.