Anonymoususer, can you explain the “mistake” you feel your daughter is making? I for the life of me can’t really see it, and this is a really key point, because once you see this, there is no basis for your insistence on financially helping her out.

If she has the funds to pay for an 18 thousand dollar car AND save more after her purchase, there are no financial mistakes here! It’s actually very normal what she is doing…a 20-something paying for her own vehicle. Big whoop.

I am also confused by your comments that you have already paid for half the car so she is not being independent. That’s actually a semi-controlling way of thinking and not even true. The act of contributing to her own vehicle is inherently an independent act, so she is being independent. I hope you do not hang this over her head? You do know once you sign the car over to her that it will be fully in her name so it is entirely hers, right?

I’m understanding more why your daughter was/is considering the used car. While taking in your new car is the better choice, I can hear it all the way from an internet forum how if anything comes up you will hold the car over her head as a leverage point and a way to downplay her independence and adulthood choices. I can only imagine what you will do in real life.

“May I reiterate we have ALREADY PAID FOR HALF THE CAR IN LEASE PAYMENTS, in this instance she would not be independent here”

Well, yes and no. The lease payments covered your use of the car during the lease period. It does not build equity in the car. At the end of the lease period you have two options: simply surrender the car to the leasing company or buy it from them for the $18K in the contract.

Now, we are living in unusual times during which the price of used cars has seen considerable inflation, so the car is actually worth more than the contract price of $18K. So, by allowing your daughter to buy the car for the $18K, you are giving her a boost over what she would have to shell out to buy this car on the open market. Plus she has the added benefit of knowing the history of this car and how it was treated.

So, this looks to me as if this is a win-win for both you and your daughter. Set your ego aside and let her assume the car for the $18K contract price, knowing in your heart that you saved her perhaps $5K, while allowing her ego and desire for independence to be salved by knowing she paid the full contract price, which you would have been charged had you decided to keep the car. Why do you insist upon rubbing her nose in what you see as her continued dependence upon your financial support and decision making for her? To me, and this is just one old guy’s view, to do this turns a gimmee win-win into a pathetic lose-lose. Why would you want that? It makes no sense to me.

Oh my God, reading your posts, I feel absolutely smothered. Are you real or someone just having fun on the internet making up stories. You are so the typification of a helicopter parent it almost seems unreal.

Your daughter is 25 and well past the age where she should be doing things on her own.

My God, your job ended six years ago. Stand back and let your daughter control her life. Let her deny a “great deal” if she wants.

For what it’s worth, I do a deep dive into the numbers every time my leases end. Did you know that if you buy out a lease, there could be sales tax? So you could be talking about another 2k. Just FYI, I don’t know your specifics, and that’s not really the issue here, is it.

You aren’t helping her by letting her buy out the lease unless you consider that the other people who owned whatever used cars she’s considering also would be helping her. With a lease you never own the car and you don’t have any rights to it after your time is up. It’s like renting an apartment. An apartment isn’t more valuable to you and the payments don’t count for anything just because you lived there.

Now say you think I’m completely wrong, don’t understand, the situation is different, you’re 100% right with the numbers and what you’re telling her.

Even with that, is it worth harming your relationship with her, probably forever?

And for my third novel:

I’ve been on the other side of it, where my father was absolutely convinced he was doing the right thing by insisting on something I really didn’t want. He was certain I’d regret it later, and went against my wishes. We talked about it multiple times, I was very very clear, and he was just certain I was wrong.

What was this thing? I didn’t want a camera in my delivery room after I’d given birth. It made absolutely no sense to him, but I felt extremely strongly about it. I was clear to him how strongly I felt. He took pictures of me anyway because he “wouldn’t allow me to make a mistake I’d regret.”

Over a decade later, our relationship still isn’t the same. We love each other, but I trust him much less, and I want to be around him less.